lost-I haven't read your whole thread so not sure what to tell you but I went through a similiar situation with my H in Nov. We were still together but I knew about OW. He had his phone with him the whole time too. The nurse made him give it to me before he went in to have a stint put in and I think that about gave him a heart attack. I didn't even look at his phone...I didn't want to know!
I didn't go to the test with H but did go to the hospital when they admitted him and again for the surgery. Hope all turns out ok!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
As much as this hurts and as much as I know I have to detached I have to be there for the test. Restless night of sleeping. I did call H last night and see how he was doing. I also asked if he was ok with me coming for the test - he said absolutly.
I know I have to not expect anything - I am just hoping that this is a wake up call for him. Not sure when that wake call up will happen. He has to know deep down that the person he is today is not really him. That is what keeps me going some days is knowing deep down somewhere the H I married is still there.
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1
Lost, I'm a softie, you've asked him and he's said OK. Go to the Hospital to be with him. There's detached where you are and there's "Don't give a sh1t" where you're not. This is the man you love and are fighting to spend your life with.
Hopefully all will be OK, but just make sure you see it as it is. You care about him and his health, he may not feel the same way thru the fog. You are the better person, just don't expect gratitude from him, but be there for him.
For want of a better phrase, for now, "Give a sh1t"
H: 44 W: 42 Married: 23 years Bomb: 16/07/2009 PA Confirmed: 16/01/2010 Over it & working on ME: Feb'ish 2010
- I am just hoping that this is a wake up call for him. Not sure when that wake call up will happen. He has to know deep down that the person he is today is not really him. That is what keeps me going some days is knowing deep down somewhere the H I married is still there.
Yes deep down he is still there but to expect anything right now is foolish from you. Listen to yourself...
Quote:
I know I have to not expect anything
The best you can hope for right now is to love him by detaching and giving space.
Sure you can go to the hospital and be there for him but just keep listening to your own advice
somedays I think I should tatoo "I know I have to not expect anything" on my forehead!!
thank you for the support blownaway65 and Oldpilot. if not for the support of you all on this board not sure how I would be getting through all this.
Have a great day!
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1
Goal today to be positive and up beat with H comes and gets the kids. To have a casual conversion with H.
Originally Posted By: lostnotgone
thanks gman, H will be here soon. BOY did I learn a lesson.. NEVER bring up OW. One day he will wake up and hopefully be the man I married. I just hope and prayer that its not too late.
If i was cheating on my wife, she would not be having any casual conversations with me. In fact, I would imagine her telling me straight out, 'Get the F*** out of my life.' And expect her to one up Elin, beat me with my golf clubs and admit to it.
That would probably be how she would 'wake me up' but I wouldn't expect her to stick around too long nor hope nor pray nor wait.
If i was cheating on my wife, she would not be having any casual conversations with me. In fact, I would imagine her telling me straight out, 'Get the F*** out of my life.' And expect her to one up Elin, beat me with my golf clubs and admit to it.
That would probably be how she would 'wake me up' but I wouldn't expect her to stick around too long nor hope nor pray nor wait.
I did tell him that when I first found out and when I found out that he was still seeing OW. I just know that for right now I am not willing to give up.
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1
Setting boundaries with your husband that you will not share him with OW is not "giving up". In fact, by attempting to be the better option you are giving him more leeway than ever. You are giving him the luxury of casual conversation that is light and airy and the knowledge that you are still around and accepting of this situation for now. Your actions say to a WAS in an affair that it is okay to take some time and choose.
Affairs are VERY powerful and rarely is the LBS seen as the better option. I know some will disagree but IMO that is the wrong way to go.
H has been released from the hospital. He will have to wear a monitor for the next 30 days - still do not what is causing the numbness in his hand. The doctor is thinking that it might be some stroke activity. And the test could not confirm what caused the heart issues.
Now I am scared to death that he is by himself and what if something happens.
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1
