He gains having sex with women who everyone else is having sex with and pleasing friends who are most likely talking about him behind his back, and even some of them are bad talking him for trashing his marriage, LOL.
pretty much the same. H continuing to make contact... maybe its just b/c of baby. Who knows...
I think he is more anxious to get things ready for the baby... he installed the car seat, moved furniture around, went over list for birth announcements, wants to go to place order for furniture tomorrow, talks about staying over at the hospital, and helping me a lot when the baby is born, birthing class went well last night, next week is last one and we have a tour and meet and greet at the pediatrician's office, and on and on and on...
He seems a lot more comfortable when he is around me... that's the hard part. We are so close to normal (w/o the affection of course) but we click... we get a long... he knows it too! Says little things about 'we' and people judge and they dont know whats going to happen... and i am thinking WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN??? I did ask why he doesnt want more for himself... a family, a wife, a baby living under the same roof... says he thinks about it, but doesnt want to give an answer right now, doesnt feel he has to answer right now and wants to focus entirely on the baby. for once I agree! He popped over the other day... wanted to tell me something going on with his family and he makes contact just to say hello...
honestly i am trying focus on the baby.
so, like a 16 year old girl, i wait for his texts first... like seeing missed calls... dreaming...
BD good job floating! Just remember to keep doing a good job of not bringing up the relationship! Now your H says he is not sure what he wants when awhile back he was giving you D papers? I see that as progress (in his mental clarity, lol!)
I think in your case, since there is not an OW, this pressure free connecting that is going on (AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T PAIN YOU!) is probably good for your future. Have you re-read Divorce Remedy in awhile? I don't know what part applies but I think I remember something about sharing time together in a pressure free way. Of course there are improvements that are done on your part as well...
Just wondering-sorry if you told us but I forgot if you did- what complaints did your H have about the marriage?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
BD, I think this could work out for you guys... just keep doing the floating thing.. keeping my fingers crossed! HUGS!!
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
NM, when H left he initially said he felt like we were on two different paths... him with school, me with work. Said he missed us, spending time with one another, and felt like he put school first and not me and now it made him feel distant.
I agreed, but not enough to be separated. We still ate dinner every night together, talked on the phone 15x a day, spent our weekends together, watched tv together... we were always together. I think it was easier for him to leave than want to work on things. Now that school is over, clinical still going strong, and still studying for boards, he seems more relaxed.
I was bad today, and told him he was using me for my "wonderfulness"
i said its a shame that we you cant see are meant to be! (I know... 2x4s). i said imagine how great it could be if we started from scratch, you could ask me on a date, and if you didnt like me or want to see me again, you dont have to ask me back out. He replied with, ok... tomorrow night we'll go finalize the order at the furniture store for the baby, and go do another thing for the house and that's a date. and he laughed...
Float Float Float... (i did however do a few leaps) but i have to control my mouth and my thoughts and just FLOAT!!!!!!!!!!!!
And NewMama, i do need togo back and reread the parts on sharing time in a pressure free way... god knows i stink at that!
Baby is getting so big!!! I feel his butt sticking out of my side! 5 weeks away!!! This weekend, i have my mom and sisters coming to help me clean and organize! Yay!!!
I don’t post much at all anymore, was here several years due to my marriage problems, they are nothing like yours, but I read through your posts, and felt that I wanted to say something, I am sure it been said before. First you are an incredibly strong women and you should be so proud of yourself being prepared to face your future as a single Mum!
I have to say that you should not try and make any life altering decisions right now, wait until after the baby, give your hormones a chance to settle, because even though we don’t like to admit it! Our hormones rage right now! I remember getting upset and crying hysterically because I didn’t have any black socks!! Then being upset cuz I was upset over something so stupid!!
Love and hate are both very passionate emotions, and are very close in how they work! You have every right to be angry and hurt! But its time to stop beating your h up! I do feel that he is trying, and doing it the only way he knows how, however if you keep flying off at him it will drive him away. I am not trying to be harsh with you, I see how much you love and want your husband, its very obvious, just sit back and focus on the baby right now, don’t try and figure out what your H wants or is doing, because you just won’t be able to! Our minds just can’t work in the way theirs does, so for right now accept that he wants to be there with you and for you. And truly see where it’s going to go. You are missing out on a wonderful experience, because you are so focused on your h and marriage you aren’t appreciating this experience you are going through with being pregnant, yes the shine is off a little bit because of what happened, but don’t let it take away from this special time.
You can not control what your H does, so don’t try, it’s a futile thing, focus on what you can control, you and preparing for the birth.
Take good care of yourself and the baby! And get all the rest you can right now.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
When you get a chance, help this mom! 21 weeks pregnant when her H left- she has done NC so far!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
thank you so much for reading and posting! I couldnt agree more with ALL of your comments... -not try and make any life altering decisions right now, wait until after the baby, give your hormones a chance to settle, -But its time to stop beating your h up! -sit back and focus on the baby right now, don’t try and figure out what your H wants or is doing -accept that he wants to be there with you and for you (I AM TRYING)
-You are missing out on a wonderful experience (SO SO SO TRUE)
I appreciate your thoughts... like i said, i couldnt agree more... took me a ways to get to this point, but i am taking it day by day.
Are you together with your H? I have to read up on your thread and get some tips! Thanks again for posting... keep it coming! It gives me strength!
