Yes, it is tough. No expression doesn't mean anything. She very well could be hiding it. I used to think that I would feel so much better if I just knew that my wife was hurting too I would feel better. She was. I read a post once that said that they think about you and situation way more than you think they do. It is on their mind all the time just like it is on yours. This reassured me. I hope things get better for you and you hurt heals and your heart is not broken anymore.
LSG and PAR, yes and thank you for the encouragement.. It isnt easy for any of us on this forum.. It seems as though all our situations have slight differences but are mostly the same.
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
In my mind she didnt ask or consult us in her decision to break up the family the way she is doing.
you need to get your mind straight
this is from page 1
Quote:
In late summer of 2008 we had gone to a picnic and I got totally bombed. In fact, stupid drunk. I dont get like that too often. Anyway when we got home, of course I wanted her and I to make love. Well, she wasnt into it. ( I apologize again that i need to be graphic) sorry.. Instead I had asked for W to perform oral sex on me. Well, she did but now I find out that this is a big problem for her. You see, I was very agressive with her. I complained a that she wasnt doing it right, and that I couldnt get off. She now tells me that she was scared, that she has never seen me like that. The look in my eyes scared her. I know I was very drunk, and repeatedly apologized to her.
We had left home after that and went to a friends home. I told her there "jokingly so I thought" that she was a terrible c*&ksucker... Terrible, I know. I am ashamed and have told her that too. I embarrassed her and degraded her. I cannot express how aweful I feel that I did that to her.
Last night she tells me that the reason we cannot be intimate is because of the reminder of that day. It was the day that I broke her. ( Her words)She was scared, and she remembers the look in my eyes, smells etc. Leading up to that day the disconnecting was happening anyway. That incident was the icing on the cake.
well, (the incident that Steve highlighted above) W finally let me know that it wasnt something she dwelled on but what the final straw was that made her make this decision. In the long email she sent it was about feelings for me for the past 10years or after our youngest was born. I can now see through those words that this was definately her way to use against me for the out. I let my sister and w best friend read the message and they know what fully happened and they have indicated that my w was looking for a way our for sometime and that was a perfect excuse.. I am not dimishing it at all. I take responsibility for it and told her so.
Anywhoo... We are were we are. She is to move out on July 31st. Its very difficult to see boxes being pilled up in your own home. Pictures taken down etc.. Very tough..
I know that once she moves out I can begin the healing process for me and my children. I know I did what I could. W told me, she is sorry, she hopes I can forgive her for this and that I deserve better. I deserve a wife who would treat me right, and what I need. Not an imitation wife..
I feel that I have anger towards her and that I just want to tell you how she F'd up my life. I know it will get me nowhere but venting.
question now is, there is a 1 week or so untill she leaves. How in the world do you walk around with happy face on? Especially becasue w walks around like everything is normal!..
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
