Divorced, Dating, and Parenting

[~Sol]

Hey whatis - I got a small apartment now, but if it were in my backyard - I'd put up a triple barbed wire fence and get me 4 big-a$$ dogs to keep her away from my side of the yard. Then I'd video tape any shenanigans of hers when I wanted to BBQ out back and send it to comedy central and CMT!!!

Cuz that's how I roll!!!!

[Heartbroken]

Hey Sol!

I was on these boards way back with you can Lovely Olive 2/2006 and MC (I think that's what he went by- Olive would know)...Good to see you are doing so well! I love to see everyone's updates.

I think you have your priorities just right and your karma is comin' around (as is your XW!)

I did bust my divorce -it got to the point where he actually filed and then realized that did not make him any happier. The OW lost it then and her true colors came out. That was December 2008 and we are still going strong. We used to talk about his 'dumb ass days' almost daily now it's down to couple times a month usually on our long walks...He cannot believe how close he came to throwing it all away...

I wish you well and you sound like your are doing just fine!

--Heartbroken (HB) (not so much anymore)


Lovely Olive - I often think of you and wonder how you are doing as well! Have you heard from MC at all?

[~Sol]

HB! Good to see you are doing really good with your M. When it can work out, it should & be much stronger. I wish I had a spouse like that that was willing to work on M - but given my sitch, mine is a tad bit coo-coo. It is obvious my X is reaping what she sowed. I on the other hand am just trying to keep things together - it's tough enough keeping myself sane and focused but all I need to do is look at my little girl and everything becomes clear. (I'm sad X can't say the same, and is still trying to rely on me albeit the wrong way...)

[whatisis]

Sol, do you remember when I asked my spouse to go for MC with me, she said "why should I go for counselling, it will just show that I'm to blame and I already know that, so why should I go". I think there is lots of coo coo, as you put it, to go around! Hey, glad you don't have a backyard anymore...but keep an eye on your balconey! Personally, I miss having a backyard to drink coffee and read the paper in on Saturday mornings but I don't miss the "companionship" that went with it!

[~Sol]

Wii - I think I remember that, our spouses were wacky then and they are wacky now. A friend today told me that my X will continue to blame everything on me till the end of time!! That's a pretty good assessment, and I might as well get used to it and just wave to the insanity she brings like the penguins of Madagascar did! No sense in arguing with her anymore, but at times she gets under my skin man! (Gives me the heebee-geebees!!!)

I can relate to enjoying the backyard with a cup-o-coffee and the feel of a crisp newspaper in the morning on a sunny weekend. Add an outdoor fire pit to that mix, and get some steaks marinating in the fridge to fire up on the grill for a nice afternoon with friends (no crazies allowed!!)

[whatisis]

Hey, mine at least says she often feels guilty for what she did to me. I guess, that's hitting the mother lode in coo coo land!

[~Sol]

I can hear our X's now - KAH-KAAAWWWWW, KAH-KAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! calling out to each other from the nutty coconut trees!

[whatisis]

Mine doesn't KAH-KAAWWWW anymore, according to my kids she just screams. It's good to know her life is so much happier now without me!

[~Sol]

Hey, mine likes to scream too!!! I'm not so sure mine is happier without me (a lady named karma comes to mind) - but so far she hasn't complained too much...

Tomorrow is my D's karate class, and I am happy to pick her up and take her each week to watch her learn how to punch, kick and block - the kid is stronger than she looks! She knows basic self-defense and she hopes to learn something new tomorrow morning. It's a beginning class for kids under 12, and I got a feeling she's gonna want more after the class is over. I planned to take her on sailing lessons when she turned 14, but the state shut down operations of the Schooner Virginia - guess we need to find another sailing business (if she's still interested). One of the best things we have here in VA is Harbor Fest, in Norfolk. I go every year, and tour every ship that allows visitors to board. Man I love living in both a harbor, river and ocean setting - if it weren't for the traffic I'd probably stay here, but I have a dream to settle somewhere tropical - far far away from my X!!

I'm craving a tropical margarita now....lol.

[~Sol]

I got some good news to share - it's good cause it touches many levels of my life right now. No ~ I don't have someone I "met" (still working on that part, I am very much the available bachelor still).

Today I go to pick up D for her martial arts beginners class, and when I knock on the X's door, she hands me an envelope and tells me I need to get D's instructor to fill out the form so D can go to her gifted middle school (you know, the one that X was adamant about not letting D go to?) So I was a little surprised...OK, a LOT surprised...about X's change of heart. Of course I didn't complain at all, I rejoiced inside my head about this whole thing. What changed my X's mind you ask? I don't have a clue but I have a theory. I figure it's 2 things - X had to get more info about that school and how it will benefit D, so I think a friend of X's - another parent I assume - told X that she better do whatever it takes to let D go to a gifted school and receive a far better education than an average middle school can provide. The other part I theorize is that my D had a lot of influence over her mom by being persistent that she wanted to go really bad, crying and being upset about it - to the point where my X caved in. So that's the logical conclusion I came up with about what went on inside my X's head - but to be cotton pickin honest - I haven't a clue!!!! I'm just releived and happy D is going to go to a prestigious school that is still part of the public school system and doesn't cost us anything extra.

So to add to this new development - my X insisted that she will drive D to school - something like a 45 min commute in morning rush hour, on an interstate and a whole lotta red traffic lights. It will take patience on my X's part (and mine when I drive D too), and then go back to pick her up 5 times a week. Knowing this, and the route I used to take to get to my ship at the base some years ago, I volunteered to help out my X with gas money for the commute. I don't want my X to get all the burden (and guaranteed bitchin at me) if I don't help out in some way. I'm doing this for my D, and only my D - her education is what matters most - not the bickering and senseless arguing me and my X take part in. My D will get so many new opportunities while attending that school, it's going to be amazing! I kinda envy my little girl - I never had this kind of opportunity growing up even though I was an A student (that's another story).

I'm happy on many levels about this, it's almost as if my D is going to go to Harvard or Yale - well that's the middle school equivalent of this school. It's hard, very disciplined, but they really teach the kids and push them to excel in everything, and if the student has the backing and support of their parents, the kids do excel. Like I said before in a previous post - I'm prob going to be the one giving all the academic tutoring for my D, and mom will be the, well - mom. My X just gave my D one condition - that she listen to her mom from now on (they head-butt a lot - imagine when D is a full-blown teenager?) I hope that they get along better, but one thing I know for sure, my D is a happy little girl right now.