know what to do anymore. My wife of 6 years has over the last 2 years left me on and off for a months at a time, but this latest separation has lasted 9 months thus far and things aren't looking good. She says she isn't comfortable in "your house." She has never attempted to file for divorce but has threatened multiple times. She had 2 kids with her first husband and has 2 with me. I love them all equally and not seeing them everyday is killing me. I've helped raise them since they were 1.5 and 3 years old.
She works a lot on the road and is gone for days and up to a week at a time. She's been living in an apt for the last 9 months so it is more permanent than previous separations where she just lived with a friend. Anyway, I love her with all my heart and despise this separation.
We have breakfast or coffee sometimes and everything is fine till I ask her to come home and start over with our family....at that point she closes up and becomes a total jerk. She will tell me things when she gets stressed just to hurt me. The only thing I do wrong is tell her how much I love her. I take care of the kids as often as needed, I'm nice to her all the time despite her coldness, I compliment her on her work and appearance, I support her job, and from what people tell me I do way more and have endured way more than a person should have to over these last 2 years.
All that being said, I love her and have loved her since the first day I met her 17 years ago. She has and will always be my one true love, and I don't ever want to give up on her.....but she is distant and the only thing she ever wants is space. When I give her space, it is ok but it doesn't change anything. I'm just so depressed all the time and tired of being hurt all the time. I want my wife and family back together but don't know what to do anymore.
Any help or advice is appreciated. I need it!
H 33(me) W 32 SD9 SD8 S4 D3 mild S2years ago reunited but... SJune2009 more permanent
HI ET, I'm sorry you are here. You've come to the right place.
The first thing you need to do is STOP asking her to come home. Pickup Divorce Remedy and read it before you talk to her again. You need to get those tools working for you.
There are alot men here who will be able to help you - LISTEN to them - they know what they are doing.
Hang in there, come here and post instead of talking to her about your feelings. You can do this!
Rob, Puppy.... This one has you guys written all over it!!
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
The only thing I do wrong is tell her how much I love her. I take care of the kids as often as needed, I'm nice to her all the time despite her coldness, I compliment her on her work and appearance, I support her job, and from what people tell me I do way more and have endured way more than a person should have to over these last 2 years.
As Dr. Phil would say, "How's that workin' out fer ya?"
Two books I would recommend for you, in addition to MWD's DivorceBusting or Divorce Remedy: "No More Mr. Nice Guy," and "Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S." I think you could benefit from both.
Thanks -- I've ordered the books. Any short-term suggestions until I get and read the books? I haven't talked to her in 2 days and it's killing me, but the last time I called and left her a message to call back ....well she hasn't and I'm not going to try anymore. I guess I'm doing the right thing. And Saturday is our 6 year anniversary. Not sure how to handle all these things.
H 33(me) W 32 SD9 SD8 S4 D3 mild S2years ago reunited but... SJune2009 more permanent
Hi, if you can afford to, pick up the phone and book an appointment with a DVB coach. They give you instant action orientated things to do which leave you feeling hopeful and stronger and most of all, knowing the next plan of action. If you cant, then DONT call her at all until you have read the book. No SMS texts / calls or messages of any kind. Let her wonder what youre up to. She might not show it, but it will occur to het that you are usually in touch and havent been this week which will seem strange. Nothing at all on Saturday, no card or phone call... I promise you this system seems to work. It took me two years too! Hang in there Eunicetiger, stay strong and focused : )
Hi, if you can afford to, pick up the phone and book an appointment with a DVB coach. They give you instant action orientated things to do which leave you feeling hopeful and stronger and most of all, knowing the next plan of action. If you cant, then DONT call her at all until you have read the book. No SMS texts / calls or messages of any kind. Let her wonder what youre up to. She might not show it, but it will occur to het that you are usually in touch and havent been this week which will seem strange. Nothing at all on Saturday, no card or phone call... I promise you this system seems to work. It took me two years too! Hang in there Eunicetiger, stay strong and focused : )
Well, I'm going on day 6 "in the dark." I haven't called, txt, or emailed her since then. The only communication i've had with her is a txt on Thursday where she asked if our son had a t-ball game saturday. I only responded with a "no." I thought she knew he didn't have any tournament games this weekend, but I may be reading more into that.
In any case, I'm wondering what or if she is even thinking at this point, because I went from txting and calling her often to zilch for nearly a week. It's really tough doing this cause I guess I'm scared that she will actually like it and enjoy not having me around or hearing from me. But I know I've tried everything else and it hasn't worked. And in the past week, I've felt stronger as a person by doing this.....so I guess it hasn't been totally horrible.
My wife is very hardcore and very stubborn, and when she sets her mind to something, she will do it (no matter who it hurts or helps or how she is perceived). She has this ability to not care about anything ...... or at least that's what she says and the way she acts. Anyway, I'm rambling, but wanted to give an update and see if there were any new suggestions on my next move. I've read the first chapter of DR on here and the book is being shipped so I should be getting it by Thursday or Friday. Anymore short-term suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks! Jeff
H 33(me) W 32 SD9 SD8 S4 D3 mild S2years ago reunited but... SJune2009 more permanent
know what to do anymore. My wife of 6 years has over the last 2 years left me on and off for a months at a time, but this latest separation has lasted 9 months thus far and things aren't looking good. She says she isn't comfortable in "your house." She has never attempted to file for divorce but has threatened multiple times. She had 2 kids with her first husband and has 2 with me. I love them all equally and not seeing them everyday is killing me. I've helped raise them since they were 1.5 and 3 years old.
She works a lot on the road and is gone for days and up to a week at a time. She's been living in an apt for the last 9 months so it is more permanent than previous separations where she just lived with a friend. Anyway, I love her with all my heart and despise this separation.
We have breakfast or coffee sometimes and everything is fine till I ask her to come home and start over with our family....at that point she closes up and becomes a total jerk. She will tell me things when she gets stressed just to hurt me. The only thing I do wrong is tell her how much I love her. I take care of the kids as often as needed, I'm nice to her all the time despite her coldness, I compliment her on her work and appearance, I support her job, and from what people tell me I do way more and have endured way more than a person should have to over these last 2 years.
All that being said, I love her and have loved her since the first day I met her 17 years ago. She has and will always be my one true love, and I don't ever want to give up on her.....but she is distant and the only thing she ever wants is space. When I give her space, it is ok but it doesn't change anything. I'm just so depressed all the time and tired of being hurt all the time. I want my wife and family back together but don't know what to do anymore.
