I really don't know how to handle this kind of situation. So if anybody has any advice please post. I've brought my marriage back to life somewhat with the help of the DB books, (we now hug and kiss and say I love you again) but still I have no sex life (5 months) . My wife avoids going to bed with me and would rather do laundry or other chores late at night just to avoid me. When she does come to bed she turns down all of my advances.
I know I'm a good looking guy, and we used to have the most amazing sex, and I'm not supposed to take it personally but she uses sex toys on a regular basis, so obviously it's not that she has a low sexual desire. What am I supposed to think or do about that? And no she doesn't want me to use the toys on her. We've done that once long ago and she said it was incredible, why it hasn't happened again i'm lost.
Im a stranger to your sitch, but I will speak from my own experience...make sure your advances are more than "hey lets have sex."
Be romantic, be in charge of the romance dept (as NUTs says)...establish the emotional bond again if that's been lacking.
I learned the hard way that my WAW was also the LSD partner- yet she was longing for the sweet things, companionship, support, and romance...touching, massaging, etc...
If your W is difficult to please sexually (as mine was) this can come in handy...my other thought is for you to incoorporate the toys if thats what she likes.
There may be alot to this, it seems like there may be additional information you need to disclose for a more accurate depiction
More information then, We have had 2 years of counseling after her affair until we moved out of the area.
There was about a 40 day period where I pretty much rolled out the red carpet everyday for romance, flowers, candle light dinner, trying to find a babysitter for our own dates, then she started to dread going out with me alone.
After that I decided to back off, and things got a little better, but then the ice wall came up again. But since we moved, everything's all hugs and kisses again, but still nothing happening in the bedroom. She stays up until I decide to go to sleep on my own, even if its 1 in the morning.
Just the night I wrote this last blog I decided to sleep on the couch before I exploded because we finally went to sleep together, my son was asleep, but she took a shower first, with one of the louder toys and a locked door. Then afterwords she just went to do some laundry until late at night.
I really think sex would tie everything back together. All the pieces are here again, it's just not assembled. But you're right maybe I should be more romantic again. I haven't tried since we were all hugs and kisses again, before that I would get so discouraged. I'll go on a mission tomorrow and see if that's the case. Thanks.
You're going to have to straight up talk to her about this, as HDhusband said. There is no point in just wondering why she would prefer her toys to actual sex. You need to be man enough to ask her and to accept her answer without withdrawing from feelings of rejection.
Hi Defran, allow me to first say that my heart goes out to you in your situation. I can see why it is confusing for you to have kisses and hugs but no sex in your relationship. One thing that popped into my mind when I read your post was, have you tried doing laundry with her? If she is up late at night, getting household chores done, it might a) get her into bed earlier - which even if this doesn't result in sex might mean physical proximity while you sleep and b)that action might not be as intimidating to your wife as something "romantic" if she is sensitive to any action that might have a "price tag" so to speak.
Defran kind of disappeared. I wonder if he ever had that talk with his wife . . . I'd be interested in what she had to say. This is exactly the kind of thing the LD person may be doing in an oblivious fog, but that the HD partner has a hard time interpreting any other way than a loud "[censored] YOU" gesture of contempt.
