Ah, the old garbage bag packing method. I have used that before - no designer suits, though.:)
I am sure when the time is right the right job will come along. Getting the kids settled seems like the biggest priority right now, especially as they have to get used to the whole separation and two households.
I have settled well into my new home, the toddlers took quite a bit to adjust but are used to it now. H has his own place and has been taking toddlers on a regular basis. The first couple of months I was in the new city, H cycled back towards me quite a lot. I then found out OW had got a work contract at the same place as H, and they were travelling for work together quite a bit. He seemed quite happy to have a solution where he could compartmentalise his separate lives. So I gently laid down intimacy boundaries between us. He started to bring OW around his place when he had the toddlers, which I found very difficult to deal with. I asked him not to do bring toddlers around OW at all, and to my surprise, he agreed. A week later he lost his job, so now works at a different place. I suspect the dynamics of when he sees OW will be changing, and my request might well be tested again.
Our legal paperwork has been drawn up but not yet lodged. When H was travelling with OW, the last thing he would request before travelling was for paperwork to be completed. Now he travels alone, that request has stopped, and he has been sitting on the paperwork for a couple of months. He has still verbally given absolutely no indication that he is interested in returning (well maybe in 5 years!). I believe he thinks way too much damage has been done. We are very relaxed around each other; he comes over to my place for toddler handovers and happily hangs out, doing odd jobs without being asked, so the friendship thing is developed as much as it can be.
The impacts of replay have been catching up with him hard, and this has caused major depression in the last few months, although after a couple of weeks, he bounces out of it and the cycle continues. He is accepting responsibility for the impact of his full replay actions, rather than it being the fault of the person who sent him the bill etc. He is being more realistic of his history, a few months ago he thought it was the best thing his parents got divorced, and it did not impact him at all. Now he admits it had a major impact on him and his siblings. He says this crisis is not my fault, it is him. But while OW remains, I feel he will stay on his chosen path and not really consider turning back. I think the OW and him still have some distance to go, so I get to just sit back and chill in my little world.
I am doing so much better. I am sleeping very well, which has made a huge difference. I have stepped back emotionally from all the H and me stuff, I still have emotions about being separated from toddlers, but can deal with it better. I have started working again a couple of days a week in my old profession, and am absolutely loving doing that, and it is a great job as well. Having almost financial independence again is a great feeling. I am making more friends and going out more. Of course I still have my down days like everyone, but bounce back much better from these.
I haven't posted to you before but was drawn to your thread name, "Dancing in the Rain". I recently bought some wall art that reads "Life is not about waiting out the Storm, but learning to Dance in the Rain" . Could that be where your name came from?? I found it very inspirational. In fact, I find your entire thread a great read. You make it sound like a girl going off to college for the first time, not a grown woman with responsiblities and children to tote, leaving her home and striking out on her own. My mental pic of you is Mary Tyler Moore throwing her hat up into the air in the old days.
Great post.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
That quote was the long version of the title of my thread.
I have always loved storms, I love the build up where you know its coming and run around getting everything ready. I love the thunder and lightening, yes and standing outside in the elements during a storm. Just the unstoppable force of nature, where, when it is a big one, all you can do is cling on and ride it out. But most of all, I love the first time the sun comes out after a huge storm, and how it makes me feel so alive. The birds are all singing, everything has been washed clean and despite all the damage that needs to be sorted, it's living life.
I knew this would be a big storm in my life. I had many dark periods, when the idea of being happy seemed so far away. But I also new the bigger the storm, the more it just could not last forever, so all I needed to do was cling on and wait for for sun. My vision of reaching detachment was when I felt the sun shining again, when I could wake up in the morning and just be happy to be alive, despite what was happening in my life. My name was to remind me of that. I can find that place now, not everyday, but more days than not. It was a long time coming and a very hard road. The skills I learnt here played a major part in that.
thank you for the update, it was very inspiring...
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
You sound so stable and grounded also seems like your stratagies are working b/c of the nice peaceful R you and H have seems like when we follow the road and stop fighting more good follows..so you never know glad your job is goin well, and your new friendships and outings you seem like you are adjusting well peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
