Moving on....or at least trying to

[GoingForward]

The fact that my ATTY said he wouldn't feel comfortable taking more money from me because he believes I can handle this on my own gives me some feeling of strength. Some confidence.

I just hope if it doesn't go my way, the judge says ok S10 can remain at Fairmont, but custody will not change...because what if I can't get my son back????

[MichelleLT]

Deep breath.

The courts HATE to separate children.

There is no reason to justify changing custody. There has been no change in circumstances.

It is in the child's best interests to remain with the established family in the established home.

Deep breath.

[MichelleLT]

You probably have some of this already, but FYI:

Cal Fam Code § 3087 (2009)
Modification or termination of joint custody order

An order for joint custody may be modified or terminated upon the petition of one or both parents or on the court's own motion if it is shown that the best interest of the child requires modification or termination of the order. If either parent opposes the modification or termination order, the court shall state in its decision the reasons for modification or termination of the joint custody order.

"Under the so-called changed circumstance rule, a party seeking to modify a permanent custody order can do so only if he or she demonstrates a significant change of circumstances justifying a modification. The changed-circumstance rule is not a different test, devised to supplant the statutory test, but an adjunct to the best-interest test. It provides, in essence, that once it has been established that a particular custodial arrangement is in the best interests of the child, the court need not reexamine that question. Instead, it should preserve the established mode of custody unless some significant change in circumstances indicates that a different arrangement would be in the child's best interest." Osgood v. Landon, 127 Cal. App. 4th 425 (2005)

Cal Fam Code § 3011 (2009)
Factors considered in determining best interest of child

In making a determination of the best interest of the child in a proceeding described in Section 3021, the court shall, among any other factors it finds relevant, consider all of the following:
(a) The health, safety, and welfare of the child.
(b) Any history of abuse by one parent or any other person seeking custody against any of the following....
(c) The nature and amount of contact with both parents, except as provided in Section 3046.
(d) The habitual or continual illegal use of controlled substances or habitual or continual abuse of alcohol by either parent....

Cal Fam Code § 3040 (2009)
Order of preference in granting custody

(a) Custody should be granted in the following order of preference according to the best interest of the child as provided in Sections 3011 and 3020:
(1) To both parents jointly pursuant to Chapter 4 (commencing with Section 3080) or to either parent....

[MichelleLT]

But if he's not actually asking for custody to change, just a change in the parenting plan (or if he backs off and just asks for an addendum to the parenting plan about sending him to the out of area school): "The court stated that the father's requests to alter the parenting schedule and the child's school situation did not amount to a request to modify the joint custody arrangement." (which means the standard is best interests, not the changed circumstances rule). Enrique M. v. Angelina V., 121 Cal. App. 4th 1371 (Cal. App. 4th Dist. 2004)

Either way, your points are
1) best to stay with other siblings cuz of close relationships
2) school has better test scores
3) school is the one he should be attending based on geography
4) school is safer
5) more convenient to have 2 kids at same school

[GoingForward]

Brilliant, Michelle - you are absolutely amazing, sweetie!!!!! I cannot thank you enough!

I have been thinking nonstop about all this...would it be a good idea or a bad idea to come up with a compromise with my son?

Like say, get him to agree to going to BV for 3 months. If after 3 months he isn't happy and hasn't made new friends, Fairmont will be reconsidered.

But then again, that just sounds so bad, bad, BAD to me...wth would I even think about letting him go back?? I just have all these thoughts running through my head and want to diffuse the situation so badly.

[GoingForward]

Never mind. XH will not stop with the texts and is just doing nothing but accomplishing pushing buttons. He is on "ignore" from now on.

We are going to court.

[kat727]

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this stuff. Michelle has some great ideas. Perhaps you could just run your ideas past your L and see if he has some more points. I am rooting for you!

kat

[GoingForward]

(((Thanks, Kat)))

I'm stopping by his office on Monday to pick up a copy of what XH's ATTY faxed over. I've run my points by him when we spoke on the phone earlier today, and he stated that he saw all of them as valid. He didn't add anything more to it; just said if I wish for him to handle this, to let him know and he would, but he thinks I can do it on my own. Anyhow, if anything else comes up over the weekend, I will talk to him about it.

S10 has been holding onto to his phone all day. I got a peek at some of the texts his dad has been sending him. They basically said, "I hope you're not mad at me, S10. I was just doing what you wanted me to do. ILY and I don't want you to be mad at me."

Then my son said to me, "Mom, I don't understand something. Dad says he still loves you...but if he still loves you, then why does he always disagree with you about everything?"

My baby shouldn't be thinking about complicated things like that.

I did my best to explain that what his father probably means is that he still cares about my feelings (I guess it's possible even though he doesn't show it! *yuck*), and although people can still care about one another, it doesn't mean they will always agree on everything. What is most important though is HOW you deal with disagreement...knowing when to walk away if you can't resolve the matter respectfully and coming back when you can...and always, ALWAYS, speaking to the person how you would appreciate them speaking to you.

XH and I certainly haven't been the best demonstrators, but I hope some of what I said to him sticks.

I love my boys.

Ok, time to go get some ice cream! Have a great weekend, everybody! (((((Hugs)))))

[GoingForward]

So, just a little bit of journaling...

The boys leave in about an hour with their dad. Normally, this is something I look forward to...my "me" time...but I am a bit of a nervous wreck. I know XH is going to talk to S10 about the current issue. As a matter of fact, S10 told me his dad said they would discuss it.

What is he going to say to my son? What is he going to put in his head???? S10 already said he would just go to BV, but KNOWING how his father is, he's going to come at S10 like, "Are you sure that's what you want? Is that REALLY what you want? Because you kept coming to me and telling me you didn't want to go to BV. You kept telling me you wanted to stay at Fairmont with (friend) and your other friends. Are you sure? 100% SURE? You said you really wanted to live with me."

I'm NOT exaggerating either. I can just hear his father in my head saying that to him...pressing him...causing doubt to creep in.

And I have this nauseating feeling that XH would go as far as to have his ATTY talk to S10...and what if the judge decides to speak with him, too? I'm not so worried about the judge, but XH's ATTY....OMG...is that even legally possible? For her to speak to S10 without my knowledge or consent?

Then my mom was crying this morning...it takes a lot to make my mom shed tears.

I keep reminding myself of what MichelleLT said...that the courts do not favor separating siblings....so what's the worst that could happen? The judge rules for S10 to remain at Fairmont. I would hope that's not likely, considering all the points mentioned, but if it happens, it happens. I will deal with it.

I also hope when this gets to court, that a different judge will oversee it. The one who handled our D case this past year has been rumored to side more with fathers, and I did see some of that with my case.

*Sigh*....trying not to worry...

[Bridgestone]

((((GF))))
You can handle it.

Michelle has a lot of good points and I can't imagine a judge granting full custody on the grounds your XH is presenting.

Regardless of the outcome, I know you will manage to find a way to do what is best for your boys.


Hugs
Bridge