Just found out she already filed

[whatisis]

You want to start dating? C'mon SR, you separated in March so give yourself a little breathing space here! Dating right now would not be fair to you or anyone you date. I know how tempting it is to search for some female validation but don't do it! Wait.

[LolaL]

I agree. It is definitely too soon, and anyone you date right now will be a bandaid. You don't want to turn around and hurt someone else because you are not ready, so take some time to just get to know yourself.

[ImprovedRomeo]

OK so I went to the court and they said W's attorney called and cancelled it. oops! she did send me the email saying she was ok with settling out of court but I didn't know she'd cancel it.

The law is that if one party shows up they'll penalize the other party. So I told them it was a misunderstanding and I'd like to cancel it too. They did, thankfully.

I called STBXW on my way back and she was surprised to hear that I went to court, sounded scared too saying 'but you told me to cancel it' so I calmed her down saying it's ok and I told them to cancel it from my end too. I told her I really meant the court date that's at the end of the month and to decide the financial stuff ourselves, let the lawyers look it over and file. She said 'that's fine...' then got interrupted, she said she was in the check out line at the store and if she could call me back. So we'll need to discuss this more, preferrably in person.

So even though I had to take the day off and drive and deal with the emotional part of going to the court etc I feel sad that she did listen to me and cancel it.

She did complain that I didn't even respond to her email yet.

So that was weird...

Anyway,

[flowmom]

HotRomeo, sounds like a strange day, and a strange miscommunication. But just as well to have a bit more time to prepare yourself.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Wii, Lola...you have to realize I waited for her for 18 months before- didn't date anyone the whole time.

Besides by dating I didn't mean sleeping with someone. I just meant a casual lunch date, maybe a movie. Is it really that big a deal? just to distract myself and...well...feel like I'm still desirable to some women - there I said it. My insecurity.

[flowmom]

HotRomeo, I think that friendly dating is a good idea in your sitch .

[whatisis]

I think when you said "to feel I'm desirable to some women" was exactly my point. And, you didn't date anyone for 1.5 years because you were working to win your M back, there's a difference between then and now. Friendly dating when you're vulnerable can have a real nasty habit of becoming something else, that you aren't ready for, real fast. So, I say you build your own self esteem for now become the man you want to be so that when you're asking someone out it's not to validate yourself but because you truly want to know that person. That's my 2 cents.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

just sending (((Romeo)))

[Gardener]

Romeo,

just to distract myself and...well...feel like I'm still desirable to some women - there I said it. My insecurity.

More like your normal human-ness.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Wii, I hear you and that's a good advice but at times I feel like I've wasted almost 2 years of my life that I could've spent sharing with someone and being happy! Sure in theory you can be happy by yourself and a lot of people can be. I'm more of a pack animal than a lone wolf. I've put a lot of things on hold because of this...can I do those things alone like go to the movies alone, go for a nice dinner alone, go for a camping trip alone etc? sure...and I have but after once or twice it gets old. However, like I said I totally hear what you're saying too. I guess having a few single friends to hang out with wouldn't be a bad alternative but at this age all my friends have their own families and I'm just a third wheel...

Thanks for the hugs ST!

Gardener, yeah that too...