Di- I am so sorry for your pain, and at the same time I feel it like it's me telling your story. I have felt everythought you have posted here. The only difference is I was weak and finally filed for divorce in April of 2009. We have been divorced now for over a year. To this day I cannot let go of the what ifs. I cannot get rid of the thought that maybe someday.... Bless you Di.
was theotherhalf M43 H43 M22 T25 MLC/OW bomb 4/07 Hmoved out 8/07 D6/09 Still trying to accept and move on...
TOH - I remember.........There are so many stories that are similar. It's very very sad that there are so many of us, but there is comfort in knowing we aren't alone. I know about the what ifs........I know about the whys.......I still wish I could understand, but am getting closer to being able to accept that I will not get that understanding.
I've beat myself up over the last few years. I've assessed and accepted the blame that I own---and I know what is on me. At times I've taken on more than my share, added to my low self esteem and low self worth---blaming myself for being in this position. I think I'm finally at a point where I am ready to re-build who I am, and find some value in me.
Hang in there.......You aren't/weren't weak....we all do what we need to do when we can to help us move forward. You had strength to move forward and make the break that you needed. You still hold on to your memories, and that keeps you stuck-----that's why I'm stuck too. I know my memories aren't all wrong. I know what was true.
Keep working......on you.....in the end, that's all we have....
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Are you D'd? I've been going through this same thing with my H who wanted to buy a house and we are still married. There are certain drawbacks to the whole thing.
Separated 2 years in July. We had equal $ put into savings accounts just before the bomb....individual accounts to be insured. So he has the money. He made it clear that he would be using $ inhis accounts. I know it's over. This just makes it seem more so...and it hurts.....stirs up the pain....and of course he told me via text.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Di- Several years ago my H was going to buy a condo and even put down a $16,000 non-refundable deposit...and then backed out!!! Of course the real estate market took a dive but my H couldn't even commit to buying a house already invested money in! He is still living in a little hole in the wall apartment because he can't decide what he wants. Who knows if your H will follow through and buy the house...try not to dwell on it too much. If he does go through with it, that shows he is moving forward...at this moment, it may not be the direction you want him to move in but who knows what that new step will reveal to him. Keep focusing on you, your kids and Harvey! You are doing great!
I first came here for help, guidance and support. I've found a support system, learned some things about myself and thought I had a wonderful place to vent. What I learned here will help me as I go forward. Unfortunately, I will be closing this screen name for confidentiality reasons. I may surface under another scren name, because I know I will continue to need help. Thank you all.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
You are doing great!