G450..thanks for posting to my link. I'm an 'old fart' on this place compared to you. The only advice I can give you is that there is a lot of great support here with regards to staying strong and focused. However, there is another side that just 'enables' the X.
When I was young, if I had a break up that hurt, my mom would tell me that "there is nothing deader than a dead romance." When I arrived here, I thought I could break that rule.
Know something, I think our parents knew better.
As for dating, yeah. A lot of crap out there. I started an email with someone and she 'dumped me' because I put 3 LOL's in two lines. LOLOLOLOL (OK, I did that on purpose).
Again, if I can be of any support, feel free to drop by. All the best. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I think you should stick it out with this 'girlfriend'.
I mean.. so what if the separation has lasted 4 years and he pays zip for child support. The divorce has to be around the corner. It's not like she cares for him or tries to help him out when he's in need... well, except for those pesky debts she pays off for him. And after a month of knowing you, she's driving your truck and you've given (note: not loaned) her money. I'm sure that waiting until the end of the month will resolve the issue.
After all.. you don't want to break the heart of someone you just met, who needs you so much.. and finds you so honest and all. And wanting to have your last name? Isn't it just $50 to change a name without having to deal with all that bother and commitment of a marriage? Oops... wait... after a finalized divorce.. then marriage.
Remember.. toreadors are not the only ones to wave red flags. It all depends on what you're looking for... and/or... at.
Well it has been a while since I posted. February is almost here and that will be my one year mark for being divorced. And as pathetic as this sounds, I still hurt. Even with a new girlfriend I still think of my XW. Not a good situation to be in.
Had a major backslide a few days ago. Our old neighbor who we knew for 22 years passed away. Went to the funeral and my XW was there. She was my X's good friend for years. I sat next to my Son and my X was three feet off to my left sitting all by herself. Afterwards I walked towards her to give her a hug and she backed away as if I had leprocy. Asked me not to touch her and that we had nothing to talk about.
Talk about cold! I havent seen this woman in ages and she still acts like she is angry at the world whenever I am around. I may see her once every three months or so if that. But I know that I should not have even looked at her much less try to talk to her. My mistake.
She got everything she wanted with her divorce. You would think she was finally happy. So why is so so angry towards me? Is it because I encroached onto her existance or because she is still dealing with some middle aged demons or her own guilt? Only she knows I guess.
Yes I know the healthy thing to do is to not even care what she thinks or feels. She should be irrelavent to me by now. But she was and still is a big part of my life. I cant stop thinking about her.
On a side note, my GF and I are getting along pretty good. We had a few bumps but I am trying to make it work. I did have to put up some boundries with her though. Sometimes there is just too much drama there and I wonder if this relationship will last. On the plus side she now no longer wants to marry. So we are on the same page finally.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
Sorry for that uncomfortable situation. Funerals do bring out a lot of emotions but it certainly sounds like you BOTH have a ton of unresolved issues that never got dealt with and that might explain why she was so cold. The fact you moved into a new relationship so quickly is another reason she might be hostile towards you even if it was her who wanted the divorce.
Have you been to counselling? It really can help. Time is a great healer too but time spent working on yourself and your issues is best. Jumping into a new relationship too soon just masks the problems. It's a great bandaid but when you rip the bandaid off - you're still bleeding.
But only you can decide where to go next. Obviously not anywhere near your ex. And what about your kids? You mention your son at the funeral. How is your relationship with your kids and how do they feel about your new girlfriend?
Why would his ex be upset about him having a girlfriend? She wanted the D and got exactly what she was looking for. Does she expect for him to live like a monk for the rest of his life? It doesn't make sense.
M:39 W:37 Together: 16 years Married: 11 years Bomb: May '09 (ILYBNILWY) Moved out: Nov '09 D: 10, 8, 4
The thing is that Im pretty sure that she does not yet know about my GF. She has always been nasty towards me ever since the divorce and even before then. That has never changed.
And I know for a fact that she did have at least an emotional affair with an old high school sweetheart even before she dropped the bomb on me a year ago.
My GF does understand that I do still have feelings for my XW. In fact my GF has her own issues with her X but her situation goes back four years vs my one year.
My Son is grown (21) but Im not sure how he feels about me having a GF. He told me he was OK with it but he has grown more distant towards me so I feel that this may be bothering him. He has his own GF and seems to give her 99% of his time. I guess I should expect that. My Mother reminded me that I was the same way at that age.
It makes absolutely no sense to care for someone who could care less about you. That is logic. But the heart does not always subscribe to logic and I am still stuck in that place. I can however love another woman. It's not fair to her but we are both each other's rebound relationship and at least we both understand each other.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
I understand that. My ex was emotionally and verbally abusive yet after we split I would have given anything to have him back. Sometimes I think it was because he was a habit. Go figure. But he was also the father of my children and we had a long history together. He told me he would always love me yet he has treated me worse than dirt.
So - yes - sometimes we still love them and it takes a long, long time for that to end if ever.
g450 I think Barb is right on - It takes a very very long time, if ever, I think when you have spent so much of your life with someone, have made a family, a life... you are always connected if not physically, emotionally, mentally, it seems a human trait.
Its 8 yrs since the bomb for me, I am now engaged to a wonderful man, who has made me realize maybe ex didnt love me as a man should love his wife ( not to mention the betrayal ) ex and i are friendly now- at first it was for our sons sake ( an adult but still) but now if we have to communicate ( we live on opposite sides of the country) we are fine, even joke around.. there will always be a special place for him in my heart, 25 yrs together cant be ignored, and only the last few were bad when he left..he shows remorse and has def hit bottom last year! and i feel actually sorry for him at times, his bad choices tho
Give yourself time, a year is not long at all! My fiance knows my ex will always be a small part of me as i know his ex will be with him too, but we wouldnt trade each other for them for nuttin! lol
Good Luck to you
Give it time...
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
"I am now engaged to a wonderful man, who has made me realize maybe ex didnt love me as a man should love his wife"
Karen - I like this. I must admit, it has slowly dawned on me that MY ex didn't love ME the way a man should love his wife - even during the "good" years. I think I was blind to it because of my great love for him. I plan to set higher standards for my next lover.
Hey KML! Thats right! you deserve it ! you know that quote, I read it not long after ex left,something about, just because someone dosnt love you the way you want dosnt mean they dont love you , or something lol well I do believe my ex was like this, he admitted he dosnt know how to love ( apart from son) sad really
I read your on line dating threads and love them! Don't give up, there are some wonderful men out there!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
