Your instinct to step back and let your h do this is right on. But what you do in the meantime is what is equally important. You have made the first step by realizing what you need to work on so work on your own issues. This is an ongoing process. Take some time out from all of this craziness and find something you enjoy doing on your own. It is a good step away from co dependence as well.
So now I just wanted to say that H just text and now said he is going to get Jeep tonight and wants to know if I want to go for a date tonight in it. Of course you know I want to go. Thoughts please.
SB, go for it if you want, but as OP says, NO EXPECTATIONS. That means, no R talks, no guilt trips, no pressure on your H. Live in the moment and have fun. Show your H the fun loving side of you and forget your cares for a while.
I see what you guys mean by not starting new thread but since I am new to this it is difficult when I am not sure what I am doing. I will get the hang of it eventually. I did go and we had fun. I think it is only human to hope for things to come out of your actions but I am guarded as far as expectations. Although I can tell you that my eyes are open for any little indication that we are moving in a good direction. For the record I only talk about the R if he brings it up and I am very cautious about what comments I might make. We have not had any arguments in a long time. Months in fact. For us there was just realy nothing going on. No fun, no fights, no sex, etc. In fact the last two times I initiated he did not respond well. However after the bomb and after our agreeing to seperation instead of D he did then ask if I was game and since then we have had sexual contact three times. I try to resist the urge to go and cuddle with him on the couch but I admit I have done it a few times. He never refuses me. In fact I think we have had more fun with each other since the bomb than we have probably had in two years. He told me he recognized I had made changes already before I read the DBing books.
I believe our marriage can be saved but I realize one person alone doesn't make a marriage. If H wants to find himself outside of the M I cannot stop him. I am vowing to love H the way you were meant to love someone. My conflict comes with GAL and trying to recconect with H to which I believe is where part of my change has to occur. I shut myself out of his life because of my own self loathing. I expected him to make time for us on my terms only. I never stopped him from doing his own thing but I never tried to be a part of his world either and I stopped doing some the things that kept us close out of resentment and tried to control situations to get what I wanted. I was not a bad wife, but I was not the wife I wanted to be either. I did not give him the respect he deserved or needed which made him fell less of a man.
Who knows if any of these things done differently would have made a difference or not? I can only move forward in this moment and make changes.
