I just can't take it anymore

[gucci loafer]

have a new relationship with an amazing woman. I've never been happier. ILl add more to my thread later.

There is light at the end of the tunnel with the same person or someone else.

Amazing how problems just disappear and all is well when the LBS finds someone else... Suddenly life is all good again..


The best remedy is find someone who DOES love you back..

There was more than likely nothing wrong with you in the beginning. You just think there is and think that getting the WS back is the rememdy... NOT

Then you will be saying the same things James is saying.. Life is good.

[james217]

Glad to hear you are doing well, James, medically and emotionally!

Puppy

yep you guys helped me through. I mean everything has totally changed.

I have been consistently spending time with my boys. I've dropped about 30 pounds just by eating right and doing cardio like 3 to 5 times a week.

I have gotten total control over my diabetes. Obtained medical insurance.

I applied for this work from home job for a major computer company. one of my friends is doing it and referred me just waiting to hear back.

I'm happy. I'm glad my ex is no longer here. she taught me what not to do and she was there for me. But it was time for us to move on.

She just didn't want to do right. I was in love with an illusion. An illusion of the potential person she could become and also an illusion of the person she used to be. That person doesnt exist anymore at all.

I held on. I finally let it go. I prayed to god and let it go. I said if me and my ex are meant to be together give me a sign. It never came.

I then wrote down what I wanted in a potential mate on a piece of paper and prayed over it. I dated alot of women. Icannot even lie about 15 to 20

I began to treat the dating game like a job application and i'm the hirer.

I'd screen candidates like a resume online and offline.
IF they applied (asked for my number or vice versa) i'd review their application and do a background check.
Then i'd have phone interviews (convos) with them
Then i'd have face to face interviews (dates) with them
If after the 3rd face to face i don't like what i see or we don't connect. They get fired. lol

i have a list of questions i ask now. up front. about the woman. her family. etc etc. The woman im dating now. I know her family very well but i still ask questions. I observe. I'm paying attention.

I feel so alive right now.

[james217]

Glad to hear it James. I'm about where you were last spring and it is heartening to hear about amazing new relationships and never being happiers. I just seems like it will never get here. I am worried about how to meet someone new.

Congratulations on your new life. I really hope it lives up to your wildest dreams.

don't force yourself into it DAN. im going to look at your thread. right now im tracing my family tree for older family members who want it updated so we can find out who is who and connect.

you'll know when you're ready to date again. Don't do it to fill a void. You have to look deep down inside yourself and love yourself first. Otherwise you'll end up settling for empty love and intimate encounters that still leave you feeling like you have a humongous void in your heart.

Your spouse/gf should enhance the love you already have for yourself. ALong the way alot of us forgot to put self first. After awhile you get comfortable and lose sight of your individuality and neglect yourself. It's human nature. I'll never fall into that trap again and it's all thanks to this board and dbing.

[james217]

have a new relationship with an amazing woman. I've never been happier. ILl add more to my thread later.

There is light at the end of the tunnel with the same person or someone else.

Amazing how problems just disappear and all is well when the LBS finds someone else... Suddenly life is all good again..


The best remedy is find someone who DOES love you back..

There was more than likely nothing wrong with you in the beginning. You just think there is and think that getting the WS back is the rememdy... NOT

Then you will be saying the same things James is saying.. Life is good.

the problems didn't begin to disappear until I admitted my own shortcomings and accepted them and then worked on them.

Self reflection was the key to everything. I had to swallow my pride and focus on me. Work on what I knew I had issues/problems etc etc with.

Then try to turn those into strengths making me a stronger person ready to get involved in another relationship with no baggage being brought it.

Then by using my "job application dating approach" I knew what I wanted in a potential future mate based upon my strengths and weaknesses and what she would be able to offer to enhance my weaknesses and strengths and vice versa.

I didn't go for someone who was too similar to me. I chose someone who had similarities but differences so we wouldn't get stuck in a rut and the R BECOME STAGNANT because neither one brings something new to the table.

On one of my dates. She came and picked me up and took me out on a picnic. She had blankets and a lunch packed.

It began to rain slightly . I started putting everything up and she said what are you doing sweety ILl brb. Then she went to her trunk and pulled out a beach umbrella and set it up and we continued to talk and have our picnic in the rain with drops just falling all around us.

She told me that nothing was going to ruin our picnic and she was prepared for the rain.

I knew right then and there she was special. She didn't let a potential bad situation affect us. She weathered the storm with me and we had a great time. I was in awe.

It feels good to have osmeone who listens to you. Who works as a teammate with you instead of against you. It's not perfect but from learning how to truly db i have 180ed alot of things that I did wrong with EX.

It was the same with her. She's never been married. She said look we both been in bad relationships. So we both know what love isn't. So lets do the opposite of what love isn't and teach each other what true love is.

[pinhead]

Glad to hear it James. I'm about where you were last spring and it is heartening to hear about amazing new relationships and never being happiers. I just seems like it will never get here. I am worried about how to meet someone new.

Congratulations on your new life. I really hope it lives up to your wildest dreams.

don't force yourself into it DAN. im going to look at your thread. right now im tracing my family tree for older family members who want it updated so we can find out who is who and connect.

you'll know when you're ready to date again. Don't do it to fill a void. You have to look deep down inside yourself and love yourself first. Otherwise you'll end up settling for empty love and intimate encounters that still leave you feeling like you have a humongous void in your heart.

Your spouse/gf should enhance the love you already have for yourself. ALong the way alot of us forgot to put self first. After awhile you get comfortable and lose sight of your individuality and neglect yourself. It's human nature. I'll never fall into that trap again and it's all thanks to this board and dbing.

PDT, get out the whistles...

[james217]

Glad to hear it James. I'm about where you were last spring and it is heartening to hear about amazing new relationships and never being happiers. I just seems like it will never get here. I am worried about how to meet someone new.

Congratulations on your new life. I really hope it lives up to your wildest dreams.

don't force yourself into it DAN. im going to look at your thread. right now im tracing my family tree for older family members who want it updated so we can find out who is who and connect.

you'll know when you're ready to date again. Don't do it to fill a void. You have to look deep down inside yourself and love yourself first. Otherwise you'll end up settling for empty love and intimate encounters that still leave you feeling like you have a humongous void in your heart.

Your spouse/gf should enhance the love you already have for yourself. ALong the way alot of us forgot to put self first. After awhile you get comfortable and lose sight of your individuality and neglect yourself. It's human nature. I'll never fall into that trap again and it's all thanks to this board and dbing.

PDT, get out the whistles...

lol whistles? why? you love yaself totally completely then the love from someone else enhances that. If that love isn't around you shouldn't get so down or wrapped up in it that the love you have for yourself no longer exists.

[pinhead]

PDT's whistles are the equivalent of Oscar statues for a great post.

[james217]

if your needs are consistently being neglected and you're expressing them to your partner are they showing you love? nope. but you should fulfill your own needs and what they bring to the table adds to it. Love is a choice it's a want. Everyone wants it. But if you can't love yourself enough to not settle for what isn't love then you'll never have what love is. And if you don't demand or even know what you want or love yourself how can someone give you love or even try to fulfill the needs/wants you have? they can't. until i figured out what I wanted I was settling. I finally got tired of settling and said this is what I want. If the person doesn't have at least 90 percent of these qualities/traits then it's not gonna work

[james217]

PDT's whistles are the equivalent of Oscar statues for a great post.

lol oh yea. I been gone from the board so long i forgot about those whistles. lol

[DanF]

if your needs are consistently being neglected and you're expressing them to your partner are they showing you love? nope. but you should fulfill your own needs and what they bring to the table adds to it. Love is a choice it's a want. Everyone wants it. But if you can't love yourself enough to not settle for what isn't love then you'll never have what love is. And if you don't demand or even know what you want or love yourself how can someone give you love or even try to fulfill the needs/wants you have? they can't. until i figured out what I wanted I was settling. I finally got tired of settling and said this is what I want. If the person doesn't have at least 90 percent of these qualities/traits then it's not gonna work

This sounds more like my W than me. I have always been pretty happy with who I am. In my case, she wasn't getting what she needed, but I believe that it was because she wasn't expresseing it (you should have known) and maybe she doesn't really know what she wants either.

I don't feel like I was settling or would settle, but maybe I haven't grown enough yet either.

Thanks!