We had a turbulent past, basically my WAS was the OW in my life at one time. Five years ago I committed to her. And only her. Over those five years she has wanted to leave the relationship at least 10 times. She ran back to her ex-fiance at least two times and was in contact with him for at least two of the years we were together. So in January she tells me out of the blue she's done. Been her before I think. She swears up and down she isn't cheating, just had enough. Typical WAS script(little did i know). Within two months I'm getting texts and e-mails from her trying to act all friendly. I responded to a few(I didn't know anything about DB yet). We met for coffee, had a nice time. She asks if she can come over the next night to watch the fights. Given our past, i ask "what have you been doing the past two months?" She's hesitant to tell me. Says she was seeing a few people. Slept with one. I was pissed. Refused to talk to her anymore. She shows up at my house several times, finally i cave. We're intimate. Then we argue. She disappears again for a weekend. Won't answer my calls. That monday rolls around and she texts, won't say where she's been. Tell her not to contact me anymore.
Two weeks pass and she's texting again. I ignore her. One week after that she's at it again. I ask her to stop. One week later she's texting again. I ignore her. She shows up at my local grocery store, at my normal shopping time. She tries to approach me and make small talk, I am polite but abrupt and walk away. Next week she's organizing a party for her brother(my best friend) and invites all my friends. Everyone sees this as a ploy to gain intel. So finally last week she texts me several days in a row, and is actually honest. Says how much she misses me and being together. Says more stuff. I didn't bite. Told her I hated texting, that grown ups don't talk via text.
So this week I send her a text in regards to something she had asked me about. That was 3 days ago. No response. She's gone again. Not 4 days after sending me all this sappy crap. I'm so done with her garbage.
She claimed the she was internet dating but I'd bet every cent I have that she ran back to the ex.
I am so angry. Mostly at my self. I wasted 5 years of my life with someone who is the epitome of selfish. A chronic cheater and liar. I know that i contributed to the bad in the relationship too. I have learned so much in my time here. I can see now that i had no idea about love language and i definately wasn't speaking to her in hers. I have regrets.
I was doing so well with GALing or so I thought. I have always turned to fitness as an outlet. Its been working. Until last week when I was pumping some iron and developed a hernia. Now I'm laid up and off work because of it. Now I have way too much time to think. And I can't believe how angry I still am. I thought I had let that go.
I do not know if past is accurate. People choose to get through it. I understand you think of her as a spouse and your feelings are valid. I would take the time to evaluate if you want to change something about yourself. As far as DB, I think you have pretty much acted as if apart from the anger and lack of validation.
Given the history and the lack of permanent ties (kids) take time to evaluate if you really think she is in place to change and be open with you. In other words is it she is familar and the unknown is a little "scary". Figure out what you want. I understand, please do not take this as diminishing the value of your relationship, every one is unique and special.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Yeah, she's very flaky. She's one of those people that has decided exactly how her life is going to be. She always had planned to be a SAHM. That was the arrangement that she had worked out with her ex. That never happened because she was doing the same stuff to him as she was doing to me.(Calling ex's, etc.) Finally he had enough and kicked her out. She had an ongoing thing with him ever since then. She just refuses to let that go. Just as she refused to let me go when she met him. Its all very messed up. I know in my head what I need to do. Convincing my heart is the problem.
Her family is really messed up. Her brother is the exact same way. He was engaged and then decided that him and his fiance were going to have an open relationship. This guy would meet tons of random women on the net and spend his weekends meeting them. Leaving his fiance at home. He couldn't get enough. He cheated a ton. Finally she had enough and booted him out. He couldn't care less, its all about him.
The dad is a real prize too. He's a religious nut and probably the most selfish person I have ever met. What he says, goes. A few years back he decides that he wants to buy a motorcycle and spend his weekends cruising around with his wife. His wife has extremely bad arthritis and is bed ridden most of the time. He didn't care. Had no concern about sticking her on the back of the bike for 8 hours a day. Unreal.
You say you are done. I remember on your other thread some advice that was given to you...
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Yes, I will tell you the best piece of advice you will ever receive. You won't take it, but a couple of years down the road I want you to remember back and say, "I should have done what that woman on the DB board told me".
You are single. You are free and not legally tied to this girl. She will make your life a living hell on earth if you do not get as far away from her....and stay away from her as you can. Listen sweetie, I have seen this happen so many times and girls like this never change. Is that how you want to spend the rest of your life? You owe her nothing, but if you spend a single night with her, she is going to tell you that she's pregnant...and then you've had it!
Please do yourself a favor and realize how many women are out there and do not take on this girl.
