Need 'How to' on exposure,,,, and balls to do it

[kenmoore14217]

and yes I have posted on other boards as well under the same user name.

[Optimust]

Yep, I was pretty sure thats what it was all about, there is a Kenmore inour area, and OM resides in or around that area.

Thanks for clarifying

[Optimust]

So now I’m freaking out,,,

She had lunch yesterday with her friend/boss that we have known since we were married, and said they had a good talk. Then she went out with her BF(girl) and also had a good talk, and BF wont return my calls today. Now she says she is going to see her dad for medical reasons, and is either using that as cover to see OM, or is having a good talk with him.

These are the three people I would get the most help from and who I was planning on exposing to. I can’t see that she knew that I was going to expose in next couple days, but it feels like she is laying the groundwork to hit me with something!? L

Or is my paranoia getting the better of me?

[Lotus]

You sound paranoid to me. Are you Amish? If you are Amish, maybe you could get the community to shun her. Of course, if you're not Amish, that won't work.

[Optimust]

OK - you got me there. I am being paranoid.

I'm taking anxiety meds, and I think when they wear off, the rush of anxiety puts me in a very scared frame of mind.

I finally get up the balls to do this exposure, and now I'm scared she is undermining that. If she is or isn't, I can't let that effect my approach and attitude towards it.

It has to be done. and soon.

[Lotus]

What do you think these other people will do for your marriage? Will she stay married to you if her boss tells her to? Or her best friend? Don't you think her best friend already knows she's having an affair? I think you are taking an enormous risk of driving her away for good with very little potential upside. Did you read Fracesc's thread? He didn't bust her affair, he blew up his marriage. Maybe that was what was meant to be. He says he is happy with the result. But it's not what he said he wanted when it started.

[Allen A]

Optimust this is EXACTLY why you expose BEFORE you confront your wife and go to family therapy etc...

Whomever tells truth FIRST gets a LOT more credibility... your wife may suspect you are going to expose so she's covering everything HER way first... people having affairs VERY OFTEN DO this... tell everyone they are getting a divorce and introduce their "new friend" to everyone...

YOu have to get there FIRST.. the more you stall on this the more damage your wife potentially does to your efforts before you even start them

[Puppy Dog Tails]

And many others have successfully busted affairs, and reconciled. In my experience those that have taken the strongest stand have had the best result.

Lotus, you keep pointing out this ONE poster, as some sort of "proof" that aggressively busting affairs doesn't work. It's hardly a representative sample.

Opt, your wife is likely spinning to these people in her life in advance of you talking to them. I'd suggest letting those closest to you know the truth; it's not your job to lie to cover up your wife's affair.

Puppy

[Allen A]

I wavered a lot for the affair attacking my home... ONCE I took a HARD line, got my truth darts scripted out, set boundaries, and acted when they were violated things changed...

wavering about on the fence isn't how you protect a marriage Opt... It takes decisive action.

[Allen A]

You want samples of affairs busted by decisive action opt?

Read puppers here, OfficerInNeed, Ken even has made quite a dent once he found his cajones...