Need 'How to' on exposure,,,, and balls to do it

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Pearlharbor is another.

[Allen A]

I love Divorce Remedy, but if there is an affair going on the standard tactics offered in that text don't have much success... There are many posters here who have used them here only to watch the affair grow from EA into PA while the LBS gets more depressed and ill by the day... Some including myself used DR tactics for over a year with no positive results.

There are many infidelity experts that argue taking a firm stand against infidelity in the home, managing the infidelity as an addiction produces more desirable results, SOONER than playing softball with an addict and watching your home and family torn apart.

[Allen A]

Pearlharbor is another.

Yup, there are many, I don't think the count of softball success stories on this forum can hold a candle to the count of people who acted decisively with the affair as an addiction rather than the spouse simply making a conscious choice they have full control over.

[kenmoore14217]

Optimust, I've read a ton of posts in the last 6 months that I have been on all of these sites and it seems to me that the only approach that gets long term positive results is the hard ball approach. Just saying By positive I don't mean that everything becomes hunky dory between the spouses, but the one posting is left feeling much better having taken affirmative action in a strong manner.

[Optimust]

So now I have the wording down on the exposure. I’ve exposed to her BF who is all about helping us as a family. I just had dinner with FIL and his wife and explained it all to them. I am finally ready to do what needs to be done.

I’ve seen a lawyer and , know the different outcomes that this may lead to, some much more desirable than others, yet just knowing, allows me to detach enough to hopefully have a calm discussion of exposure and the choices that she needs to make(I think she has already made them, had the pre-nup in her car with her).

But at least I know that this will end one way or another sooner than later, and have come to grips with the fact that I may lose the love of my life.

I will 180, for that is all that I can do, because the alternative is to do things that would end up hurting my kids, and I will not have any part in hurting them, that will fall squarely on her, if she chooses the A over our family and me.

I know I will heal over time, but just like any other person that has been badly damaged mentally, physically, or emotionally, I will carry these scars forward. I’ve always taught my daughters that there are two ways to learn something, either by observing others mistakes and avoiding them, or to make your own mistakes and learn from them. So, I can only hope that if in fact our M doesn’t make it, that my daughters will learn something from this that will help them avoid the seemingly unending searing pain I am going through now.

Wish me luck, and send an extra prayer for us, we need all the help we can get these days.

I will continue posting after the exposure whatever the outcome.

Thanks for all the advice to this point.
Opt

[Allen A]

Don't tell your wife ANYTHING about the legal details.. if your wife wants to know HER legal rights let HER do her own legwork... Don't GIVE AWAY INFO you worked hard to collect.. don't do her homework for her.. this isn't high school...

Not accusin ya, just a warning

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Wish me luck, and send an extra prayer for us, we need all the help we can get these days.

I just did, Opti. For wisdom, and for strength, and for a supernatural calm in order to convey what must be conveyed.

Do not be deterred. Your post beautifully states the reality of the choices that lie before EACH of you. All you can handle is your end, and you're doing that very admirably.

Let us know how it goes. And when in doubt, remember "I'm really sorry you feel that way," lol.

Puppy

[Optimust]

Hey all, been trying to have the exposure talk with her for a couple days, and yesterday was to be the night, but with the kids and some late night work she had to get done for her job, pushed it too late.
I’m getting cold feet a bit and need some reassurances that this is what must be done, and sooner than later.
I changed it a bit, but please chime in with anything that is glaringly bad, the timing line I feel has to be there, or she will just immediately go OM/divorce route.
This is our home, and our family, we built this together, and it is ours together. I love you more than any man can or ever will. I want to be in a committed, honest, loving and fun relationship with you. This can not happen as long as you are in an affair, weather it be an emotional or a physical one with OM, or any other man. It disrespects our vows, myself, our family, and our faith. This marriage doesn’t have room for three people.

This is all about choices, your choices.

If you choose an improved and better life with me and our family, our marriage, and our friends, you will need to end all contact with him, forever, and we will solve our issues together as a family. A committed mother, wife, and friend is always and will always be welcome in our children’s home. D1 and D2 deserve an honest, stable, and loving environment which we provide them.

If you choose to put the affair , it's damage, and all the horrible things that come with it above the needs of our family, and continue causing damage and confusion to our children, and marriage, I can not support you. You need to be aware that the affair. it's participants, and the pain and drama that it causes are never welcome in our home."

You will have the time and space you need, yet these choices need to be decided upon soon.

[MrBond]

Too wordy.

Stick to the facts. Just say you know what you know and have proof.

You can't appeal to her common sense side right now. She'll be too hopped up on anger/fear/embarrasment, etc. You have to wait till all those emotions run their course then when she's calmer you can talk about family, being a mom, etc.

[Allen A]

I like most of it except the last line, you sound like you are chickening out at the end!!!

YOu want this to sound like a no brainer, you make it sound like a grand decision that is terribly difficult...

Great job over all though... love it