YOUR Exposure talk --- what happened?

[Optimust]

Just curious what to expect when I have my talk.

What happened in the minutes, hours, days that followed your exposure talk to your H/W?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Are you talking about my confrontation with my wife (the "I know all about you and so-and-so, and it needs to stop" speech), or the exposure to a close circle of family and employer?

Puppy

[Allen A]

MWD has a section in DR for the spouse.

They will say one of three things

1. Agree to end the affair
2. Deny the affair exists
3. Acknowledge the affair is happening, but refuse to end it

[Optimust]

the "I know all about you and so-and-so, and it needs to stop" one

[Puppy Dog Tails]

the "I know all about you and so-and-so, and it needs to stop" one

OK, will try to post something for you later. Buried at work at the moment . . .

I actually had TWO of these with her -- the original confront when I found out about her affair, and then a re-confront, "The deceit has to stop" about 60 days later. I"ll try to update you on both of them.

You can also follow my old sitch (used to be called "Chocolateeyes", here:

Choc's Old Threads

I discovered her affair in mid-May 2007, confronted her on May 27th, and then re-confronted her in July, if that helps you narrow down your search.

Puppy

[Allen A]

MWD explains this in the DR book Opti, in the infidelity section

Note ;

1. Agree to end the affair
2. Deny the affair exists
3. Acknowledge the affair is happening, but refuse to end it

Most of the time the spouse will do 2 or 3, very rarely will you get a 1

If you get a 2, things get quiet for a few days, the WS will start watching over their shoulder, they will change passwords, they may start telling everyone they are "not married anymore" just to cover themselves if YOU expose them

If you get a 3, everything above happens AND they definitely start telling everyone (rarely do they not thogh I have seen it happen - an admission plus no introducing to friends and family)

The confrontation raises the stakes, much like a poker game... ever play poker Opti?

[twolf]

Allen i think my WAW went 3 and just started telling everyone.
I know she has fed everyone BS. Just know when she starts telling everyone that you were emotinaly abusive to stand your ground and let people know that its lies to hide the their acttions.


If people support and you know this and they dont know that you know what they have said it let them know in no uncertain terms, that you thought that they had strong morale values and convictions.That you know that you would not give bad addvice on any thing that would harm my marrige.


I know when i told the MIL this she has started to back peddle on what she has been telling every one.

[Allen A]

Just focus on the marriage, the family, and don't let your wife draw you into any arguments...

If she's spreading lies just tell anyone who asks...

"I am dissapointed that she would stoop to immaturity to deal with problems in a marriage... I feel sorry that our son has to be exposed to her behaviour... I hope she realizes what kind of damage she's doing very soon..."

Something like that... AVOID getting sucked into the drama.. get it dignified and focussed on family

[DCBHM]

2 & 3. We ultimately divorced. She is still carrying on the A, amusingly "in secret" even though everyone knows - I guess that keeps the thrill going?

[gutwrenching]

I too am on exposure #2. The first one was denial, just friends, till I told her to stop the lies, I know everything and gave her a hint. Then tears. Then the next few days the most intense anger and hatred I had ever seen from W.

5 months later, #2. Again, I got the I don't know what you are referring too...then I go into the disrespect, I won't stand for it, I know about X, Y, and Z. Much more peaceful this time...though still a little pissed. For the first few days, I got affectionate, think I was being buttered up. As I stood my ground and W supposedly (only time will tell) ended contact, I got cold and distant but not hatred and anger as before.

Also this was an EA not PA.