Hi everyone, I am brand new to this site after reading The Divorce Remedy and I need some help on how to deal with my kids. I think my wife is going through a mid-life crisis, she filed for divorce last week and wants to tell the kids now that we are getting divorced. I obviously do not want this, but I don't know what I can tell my kids. Can I tell them that I am agreeing to it and I think it is what is best, but that is not what I want or does that have too negative an impact on their lives? Everything I have read says to tell them that this is final so they don't continue to have hope, even though I do.
I am 43 years old and have been with my wife for 23 years We have 2 kids, ages 11 and 9. We have essentially spent all of our adult lives together. In January, my wife told me that she hasn't been happy for 10 years. She loves me, but is not in love with me. We went to see a counselor, but he was worthless and she didn't even try. I read 4 books, but showing her more love and support didn't work. I did everything she asked of me, except give her space. I couldn't bring myself to leave her side. She recently said that she cares about me and we could be friends forever and hang out, but she doesn't want to have any intimacy with me and she knows those feelings will never change. I found out recently that she has had or is still having an emotional affiar with a married man. She has lost 30 lbs (weighs 130lbs @ 5' 10") and has become a workout freak. She is a parole officer and recently said the only thing she can do is evaluate sex offenders. She has been putting a lot of pressure on herself and believes that once I am gone, she will be happy. Does this sound like a MLC to you guys?
We are planning to both live in the house while the divorce is pending because we can't afford to live apart. I'm not sure that is a good idea, but I don't really have any other options. I am really hoping that she will come around eventually, but I don't know how long I will be able to wait it out.
It sounds a lot like a MLC to me and very much like my situation. I suggest really reading other people's stories on this board and asking for opinions/assistance.
M: 39 W: 39 Kids (3): S10; S8; D4 Married 14 years Togethor: 18 years Wife's Weird Behavior Started: 2nd Half of 2009 Bomb Dropped (about being "so done"): 2/17/10 Current Status: In counseling
Third: Don't even try to be a pshycologist and declaire her in MLC, or anything else to "plan a strategy". She is a WAS, nothing more, nothing less. [/quote]
What is a WAS? Does that mean I should just accept that she is gone?
You should accept that she is hurting and although right now she says 100% of that hurt is "because of you", you do have to accept that in reality 50% of it is.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
I have accepted my role and I have changed in the ways she has asked me to, but to no avail. One, I have done too much now and I think she may have lost respect for me. Two, I have been too desperate and needy for 5 months and was unable to give her the "space and time" she requested. She is sleeping in the guest room now, but she has also filed for divorce and we are in for $6k. I feel it is too late and that I pushed her out the door with my relentless pursuit. Now we have to tell the kids we are getting a divorce? I just don't feel like I can take this anymore. Everything I do seems to be wrong, but at least I have started to stand-up for myself. Got my own bank and credit card. Canceled one card, but still have to cancel one more that we both use. She says she won't run it up, but can I trust her? Trying to remain strong and pretend I am moving on, but it doesn't always happen that way.
What do I tell my kids if they ask if I WANT to get divorced?
The truth. I let my wife do most of the talking when we told our kids. It was very apparent it wasn't my idea. If this is what your wife wants then let her own it, the brutal reality needs to sink in on her side as well.
Quote:
I found out recently that she has had or is still having an emotional affiar with a married man.
If you want to stay married then you need to bust this first. What kind of evidence do you have?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
