Funny how these stories and thoughts are similar. Sounds like you all had a conversation with my stbxw! Karma is a biatch. I firmly believe what goes around comes around. As long as we feel that we tried everything we can hold our heads high. No shame in the efforts you put forth. I am with you all and if the alien who abducted her decides to return her I really need to rethink if I would take her back ? Wow
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
q: is it bad for me to accept a date with someone? i've started to detach. but is dating while separated considered cheating?
i want to make the right decision. i don't want to be the 'cheater'. yes, i'm separated, not yet d. ever since i started GAL-ing, i've had guys ask me out and some of them are quite nice. i don't want to be confused .. because i could be feeling this way due to the really crappy treatment i got from my h. and the minute someone else is nice to me, i get all 'melty woman'.
what's appropriate and what isn't? gucci, i know you've said it's okay to date others but are there rules?
This one -- along with the "should I take off my wedding ring?" one -- is probably THE most difficult, and intensely personal, one to answer.
I will only say that emotionally, you still sound a little "off your game," and I would tend to discourage it, as i would worry you'd be doing it for the wrong reasons. I ultimately DID decide to date -- after vociferously objecting to my wife's idea of doing it! -- after my wife and I briefly separated. And all it took was one date -- heck, one RUMOR of a date - -and my wife responded VERY forcefully, and we reconciled.
I decided only since we were separated, and only if I told my wife honestly of my intentions.
Be careful playing with fire ... cuz it WILL work.
This one -- along with the "should I take off my wedding ring?" one -- is probably THE most difficult, and intensely personal, one to answer.
the wedding ring came off a while back already. i've been ring-less for about two months now. i didn't consult or ask anyone here when i contemplated doing it. when it came off, it hasn't been back on since. i've noticed that my h no longer wears his. i don't know if it's because he noticed that i was no longer wearing mine. you'd think that i would have made a crazy post about it, but i didn't - surprisingly.
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I will only say that emotionally, you still sound a little "off your game," and I would tend to discourage it, as i would worry you'd be doing it for the wrong reasons.
i know what you mean. and i so don't want to lead anybody on. i don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. i am afraid that i am misleading myself as well. i'm only now realizing how unloved i was by my h from day 1. there are some nice guys out there. however, i know i'm not ready for a long term relationship. this guy who asked me out, is looking for that special someone to share his life with. we hit it off and we talked for hours and he texted me as soon as we got off. it was almost like you couldn't get enough of each other. now i know why people say that a sign of an A is the increase in txt msgs. i never texted so much in my life. i never even texted my h because i was afraid i'd be bothering him at work.
this isn't the first guy who asked me out. but this would be the first guy i am tempted to say yes to. it came naturally. not like some guy picked me up at a bar.
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I ultimately DID decide to date -- after vociferously objecting to my wife's idea of doing it! -- after my wife and I briefly separated. And all it took was one date -- heck, one RUMOR of a date - -and my wife responded VERY forcefully, and we reconciled.
pdt, i want you to know i'm not doing this to get back at my h or anything. i know i posted in the infidelity forum. but this was not something i sought out. it started off as a business meeting and we worked together. and our discussion went from work related to general chit chat. we realized we had some things in common. then he just asked if it was okay to ask me to go out after business hours. i told him my sitch. he was okay with it. and we started talking more .. he ended up asking me out.
for once, i really didn't go this route to get a reaction from my h. i think that's why i'm so conflicted. it's more of me .. i want to do the right thing.
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I decided only since we were separated, and only if I told my wife honestly of my intentions.
i wasn't planning on telling my h. because telling him would be trying to get a reaction from him. i didn't even think this was going to happen.
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Be careful playing with fire ... cuz it WILL work.
again, i'm sure it might work .. but it may also backfire. my h may not take me back because he's not comfortable being with someone who kissed another man (not saying i will).
am i making a big deal out of nothing? there's gotta be some rules to follow for people who are separated.
If you're planning on keeping it a secret from your husband, then it's not the right thing.
Everything you've said about how it's gotten to where it is, if you turn it around, sounds like a wayward spouse trying to justify an EA with the whole "We're just friends!" thing.
If you're planning on keeping it a secret from your husband, then it's not the right thing.
my h doesn't care about me. i could get run over by a bus and it wouldn't matter to him. there is no "no dating" clause in our separation agreement.
when he dropped the d-bomb, i asked if it was okay for me to date. i don't remember word for word what he said but it was something along the lines of "i would be hurt but i wouldn't stop you if it made you happy." this is from someone who was adamant that a d was the only solution.
yeeeesh .. i sound like a wayward justifying. no good can come of this. i already said it myself. i don't want to lead someone on. esp if i know he's looking for a long term relationship and i'm not ready or looking for one.
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Everything you've said about how it's gotten to where it is, if you turn it around, sounds like a wayward spouse trying to justify an EA with the whole "We're just friends!" thing.
that's why it feels so wrong.
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I think you already know the answer to this, MIL.
yes. why do some give me the advice to move on and find someone who will treat me right? or dump the h and date others? no, i'm not trying to say it's okay .. but what's the premise behind it and when is it okay to date others but still be db-ing?
