Want to know how your spouses runaway affair will turn out?
It's very easy to predict... Based on their current behviour
From Saferelationshipsmagazine.com
The Predictability of Pathology
Women say “You are describing my relationship EXACTLY” or “He has said those exact words to me” or “How do you know what my relationship is like–how can you know this?”
Contrary to some beliefs, I’m NOT psychic!
I accurately describe people’s relationships because to a certain extent, parts of pathology and their behavior are predictable. Pathology is related to certain personality and psychological disorders. Each one of these personality disorders has its own set of behaviors, dysfunctions, and for some of the disorders–neuro abnormalities. To know the personality disorder is to know the behavior–either now or in the future. This is why Public Psychopathy Education is information for everyone because anyone can learn to predict, to a certain extent, the kinds of behaviors that are likely from the pathological in their life.
Criminal profiling to a large extent is exactly that–knowing what the behavior is likely to be given their probable diagnosis of anti-social, socio or psychopath. Although your pathological might not be criminal, this approach still applies. His behavior is predictable.
Each personality disorder has its own set of behaviors. Pathology is related to:
a. The inability to sustain positive change
b. The inability to grow to any authentic emotional or spiritual depth
c. The inability to develop deep insight about their negative behavior affects others
So once you understand the behaviors related to the personality disorder then you apply the ‘Absolutes of Pathology’ — the inability to change, grow, or develop insight and you can pretty much take his behavior now and apply it to the future in ANY relationship. His behaviors related to his specific personality disorder are permanent. The neuroscience that now supports abnormalities in Cluster B disorders and psychopathy also highlight the issues that since these are brain region problems (not just brain chemistry/medication problems), their permanence is much more a factor.
If someone can not grow or change then his behaviors aren’t going to change. If his behaviors aren’t going to change he will be the same today as he was 10 years ago in a relationship, career or interaction and will be the same 20 years from now. If he doesn’t have the ability to develop insight about his behavior then I can tell you what it’s like to communicate with someone who can’t ‘see’ his own faults. If his brain regions that effect impulse control, bonding/attachment, and the inability to learn from past mistakes are faulty, we know what the future will be like for him.
Our goal in Public Psychopathy Education is for others to understand that you TOO can learn to loosely predict pathological behavior based on past or current behavior. Once you understand the symptoms of the personality disorder you can expect these behaviors to continue. The more you understand the Absolutes of Pathology the more clearly you can understand what his future is likely to hold for himself and others in his life. It isn’t hard to predict something that doesn’t change!
The exception to that rule is when violence is or has been involved. Pathologicals with violence issues can be erratic and unstable. Predicting their ability to be currently non-violent based on past non-violent episodes is too risky and may not follow the patterns he normally follows. Pathologicals who are addicts are hard to predict because of the instability of the person in an addiction. With violence, sexual offenses or addiction the rule of thumb is that the predictability factor is likely to be too risky to judge. When in doubt–doubt his predictability in violence, addiction or sexual offenses.
Otherwise, pathology is fairly easy to call. When someone doesn’t change, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If you’re wondering what you’re pathological was like in the relationship before you or will be like in the one after you, just gauge everything from where he is today. It’s that simple and that sad.
What about when a person changes dramatically over a short period of time? Between the end of November and February, my husband had a complete meltdown, started drinking like crazy, showed all the signs of a midlife crisis, started an affair, and moved out.
Everyone who knows him was shocked. He was a VERY good husband (and before that boyfriend) for 12 years. His entire character has done a 180. My therapist and priest both say his behavior - including the booze, the bimbo, the (new to him!) big debts, lies, etc. - is classic for midlife crisis.
What about these situations? Have you read anything on that? Was just re-reading Penny when I thought I'd check these boards to see if anything interesting had popped up...
Discovered OW1: 1/10, H refused to talk. H moved in w 1st OW: 3/10 H cheated on OW1: 12/10 H left OW1, moved in w OW2: 4/11 D: 9/11 Still miss H. Don't understand, H just left, never even talked w me.
My H did the same but for the booze part. It's hard for me to look at him and predict future behavior on past because for 22 years he was nothing even remotely close to the creature I see now. Even he admits its MLC but he found some article on the web last year that apparently PRAISED MLC instead of saying that it was usually devastating to a marriage. It said "it signalled a time for a great opportunity to have a second new life and if that new life involved a new mate well then maybe you made a bad choice with the first." I could kill the person who wrote that article. Of all the stuff on MLC it was the only thing he latched onto to help him feel that all his behavior was good. So now that he has turned into this other person, right, I don't know if he will ever lose this person or if this is really him for the future.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
The booze scares the hell out of me (I'm Irish) but the personality changes?? They are also bizarre in the extreme. None of our friends (all of whom he has dropped) and almost all of his closest colleagues at work are appalled at his behavior - and how he threw away his ethics and reputation along with me.
Discovered OW1: 1/10, H refused to talk. H moved in w 1st OW: 3/10 H cheated on OW1: 12/10 H left OW1, moved in w OW2: 4/11 D: 9/11 Still miss H. Don't understand, H just left, never even talked w me.
