Hi Zen You are right - best not to confront cause then S4 gets caught up in things...had a little talk with S along the guidlines you gave, so hope it helps him a bit.
I can't imagine how you take having OW around little one all the time...it would drive me to drink, but I suppose something kicks in when it must hey? I mean I thought I would have ceased to breath if my dear H ever stopped loving me, but I'm still alive....
Last night when h left, S had asked him to come see him in the morning, H said ok he will.
Not a peep this morning, but I made my plans for the day as I knew that meant he would probably only pitch late in the day if at all.
So we went to the new CHINATOWN that opened yesterday down the road...I'M IN LOVE. Don't ask me why, but I LOVE cheap chinese stuff!!! Give me a trolley full of cheap superfluous chinese knick knacks over a cartier watch anyday. What does that make me? Nobody answer that
Decide to come home after buying a few really cheap pairs of flipflops - sort of island style which I love, and kids toys are dirt cheap, so S came home grinning from ear to ear because $2 bought him 3 toys!!
Came home for lunch and made plans to go to the theme park which just opened yesterday too for the holidays...just as we are about to leave H txts, says can he visit between 4-5pm.Said he had been resting the whole morning (cause he felt sick) I said we were off to theme park, should be back by then but will txt when home.
I don't know If I belive him about the resting thing. Can you blame me - there have been so many things being done behind my back lately, how can I trust ANYTHING he says anymore....
So txted about 1 hr ago that we back, not a peep again.
Sigh....for someone who swears he loves his son more than anything else on this planet, you'd swear he'd want to spend more time with him
I totally know what you mean. I stopped telling D ANYTHING about H possibly stopping by. Too many times he would say one thing and then it wouldn't happen. Stopped even expecting him to show up when he said he would. When he DID show up, it made it a pleasant surprise. Expect nothing. Believe none of what they say and 50% of what they do. It sucks but it is what it is.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
I hate the lies that my H will tell the girls when they ask to see him. He will say " I have to go to sleep because I have to go to work in the middle of the night". Then we will drive by the bar that the OW bartends at and there is his truck. My girls are not stupid - they get pissy. My D12 will call him immediatley - but D10 just worries about me and if I am okay when I see it.
He says that his girls are the only thing he cares about, but when he pulls that sheot it really hurts them. You have to wonder how this will effect thier adult relationships in the future? I feel helpless sometimes.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Thanks TAMF, Albu and Zen...its nice to hear from people who have been or are in similar places.
Been thinking, H rarely spends one on one time with S that I can see. He usually takes him when he can do something with him AND other people - his parents, his BMF's family etc.
Thats propably normal for men tho - I dont know?
My expectations are probably too high to assume that a father and son relationship is the same as a mom son relationship. I don't know.
Anyway, right now just looking forward to my parents coming down, and feeling slightly normal for a while.
Also just thinking about how H has a thing with responsibility, I wonder if having S was too much of a responsibility for him, and thats what helped in the final push to run.
Years ago, he decided that he wanted a german shepard. He had one ion his youth, and I presume he looked after it, but maybe his parents did, I dont know. Anyway, having a german shepard requires work. You have to walk them, brush them, play with them, and pick up their poo. Non of which I really had any ambition to do, because I'm a little dog person.
Anyway, this was his dog , so I presumed HE would look after it. The only problem I had with it was HAIR...everywhere. I dont like hair on the beds couches and my clothes, tho H knew this.
And as luck would have it our German shepard seems to shed worst of all of them... anyway.
H wasnt looking after her, and she became a 'burden' to him, becasue he didnt have time/effort to do the things required, so we jointly agreed to maybe donate her to the police or a good home, so I made a poster to put up locally(I'm a graphic designer)
After a few days, H was very upset, seems he was still attached , and felt like I was trying to get rid of her!!! I was very confused, becasue we had both agreed, but I realized that he was agreeing thinking it was MY idea...but HE was the one that wasnt looking after her - I was just expected to do it.
Now I did really love him, but I really am just NOT fond of big dogs. And I had NO problem with him having one, but why should I be the one taking on all the responsibility you know?
Anyway, shes become a part of the family now, and while I dont let her indoors always, she is allowed in more, cause I have a maid that vacuums regularily - so theres no hair.
She's huge and I'm tiny, so I cant really walk her, becasue if a cat comes along , I'll be getting skid marks from being dragged along the road.
Oh and I pick up her poo. H never did it regularily enough , he just didnt want to - it had to be septic outside before doing it
Anyway, maybe S is just a german shepard on steroids.
Having said all this, when H and S are together, he really is a wonderful dad, and S loves him to bits and pieces...I never worry AT ALL when they are together and I'm not there...H is a very good daddy in that respect, and for that I'm eternally grateful
I realize that sometimes I feel alot of anger through all this hurt, and end up trying to see him in a negative light, but one thing I can't really view him negativly in , is in how he loves and cares for S when they're together...
cause I have a maid that vacuums regularily - so theres no hair.
Beotch!!! LOL!! wish I had a maid to vacuum my golden retriever's hair!
That being said...Big dogs are tons and tons of work. I have a golden and a boxer! When and IF my H and I get to the point where we sell the house and get our own separate places, I would like to downsize and rent a really nice duplex. IF they allow dogs, they won't allow 2 guaranteed. So my H agreed that he would take the golden (who is 5 and perfect) and I would take the boxer (who is 7 months old and CRAZY). This will be really hard for me, but it is the best solution possible.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Don't get me wrong - my Tugger is my baby through and through! I love him and he is turning out to be a fantastic dog. easy to train (except he did poop in the house this morning!) but great dog - cute as can be!
I just want BOTH my dogs to go with me not just one :-(
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
You are right - best not to confront cause then S4 gets caught up in things...had a little talk with S along the guidlines you gave, so hope it helps him a bit.