I'm beginning to think theres no such thing as MLC
That’s fine BUT how does that change what YOU need to do for YOU and YOUR kids?
Quote:
Should have done that before marriage and especially before creating kids.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda…..2G you can live in the past, stay stuck in the hurt or YOU can CHOOSE to stand up, let go of the anger, forgive and become a much better person. Not for your H – for YOU.
Quote:
I'm just done with the whole teenage behavior BS
F*cking A…yea…don’t put up with it! So DETACH!
Quote:
Enough is Enough already
Yes it is! Guess what though….who is controlling your life right now? Who is controlling how YOU feel? I suspect it is not YOU. It is YOUR H. He has a way of getting to you. He has pissed you the F off. So what are you going to do about it? Stay pissed…come here and bash the dude OR figure out what 2 G needs to do. Oh…by the way where is the list I asked for?
Quote:
Child support is one big joke
Yes it is…the entire system does not work. So what are YOU going to do? Once again…what happens the next time in life that something does not work the way you want it?
Quote:
My H pays 100% of the bills here until I begin to work after the baby is born. He works two jobs to make sure the girls and I are covered. So he's responsible in that aspect.
Well that’s nice….what are you going to do when he stops? Have you thought about that or are you just comfortable in the “this is f’d up” pit that you find yourself in? Me personally, I would want to get out of that pit. Figure out what I needed to do. Stand up for myself and my kids and go live my life.
Quote:
But the drinking and sudden hanging out all the time are frustrating.
Why? Oh…that’s right cause you keep looking at HIM and not at YOU. Yeah…I would be pissed if that is all I did. Especially pissed if I was a controlling person and realized that….
Quote:
I guess bc they're out of my control
But the good news is that you realize this….
Quote:
Which is my problem.
So now that you know what YOUR problem is (you know the one you can control) what ya gonna do about it?
Quote:
But it proves he's not much happier since moving out 6 months ago.
Does his happiness define YOURS? 2G
You keep focusing on your H. You still have not let go. Why is that? Why?
Insecure?
Angry?
Scared?
Who is 2G? Who does 2G want to be? What example does 2G want for her kids?
2G – this is all YOUR choice. Choose to let go, grow and be better or choose to stay angry – Your choice…it’s all YOU 2G…all you.
I know you want better for your kids. I know you can do better for your kids. I know you can do better for YOU. Time to put the big girl panties on and start doing the work!
It will be scary if you do it….no doubt
It will be frustrating if you do it…no doubt
In the end, you will not regret having done it. Why? Cause you will know YOU. The YOU that you define. The You that is just YOU.
Now where is that list?
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I was EXTREMELY stressed out during the pregnancy but thankfully my D was born healthy and strong...I mean, really strong...she is emotionally stronger than me sometimes. I think she was a fighter then (in utero) and she is a fighter now. She has been without a doubt, one of the biggest blessings in my life.
Just ignore what your H says. He can easily figure out if the baby is his or not after the baby is born. Just continue to remind yourself that your H is just looking for ways to justify his bad behavior and that this is not how a healthy man treats his pregnant wife.
I like how you express this...it's undeniable that no "healthy" man walks away from his unborn wife and pregnant child. No man.
My baby (now 3 months) has also been my biggest blessing and her presence helps me enormously. Babies are so good at getting us to live in the Now.
I was also very very stressed and lost heaps of weight during my pregnancy but my baby is also very strong. I heard somewhere that babies develop strength in utero...and that stress can make them more resilient.
But having said that, it helps to stay calm when pregnant, of course!!
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
Okay I'm gonna say it...sorry...Your H - he is a piece of chit.
Okay...he is sick..in MLC...blah..blah...blah...does any of this change what YOU need to do for your emotional well being? NO.
Your H is a latin man - this much I know. He wants to control you and plant fear in your heart. He want's you right where he has you. Scared...
Your scared and he knows it.
What are you going to do now? Run? Hide? Or fight back. Fight to regain your self esteem. Fight to regain your womanhood. Fight to regain and take control over YOUR life.
Now, I am not proposing that you become a total beatch to your H. No. A few simple rules should be implemented immediately.
1) When he comes to see the kids. You should leave the house or at a minimum move to another room.
2) If he wants to discuss anything that you do not want to discuss (an N R talk) then a simple "I do not wish to speak about this right now" should suffice. If he continues, walk away from him. Do not egage. He is going to act like a little teenager right now. Fu*k him - not your problem.
3) Rest...take it easy...You are pregnant and need to keep the stress levels down.
4) In terms of finances. Figure out what you will need a month to take care of you and the kids. Factor everything in...cloths, food, formula (if applicable), rent/mthg, electricity, heating, etc. Write it down - so that you understand just how much you need. It may be scary. Don't be afraid. Once you begin to write this stuff down you will feel like you have more control over your life.
5) Stop looking at his fu*king phone. Don't hold it. Don't touch it. Just stop.
6) Every morning...try and sit still for a while. Pray, do something that will give you peace.
7) Come up with a schedule on when YOU want him to see the kids. It should be a schedule that works for YOU - not him. I am not saying be a b*tch...what I am saying is that he needs to understand that he has rules to follow as it comes to you.
8) Stop thinking about the OW. She is not the problem. He is. He is fu*ked up in the head right now. You need to remind yourself of this. Remind yourself of this often.
9) You have been accused of being a b*tch by your H. Maybe there is some truth to this - maybe not. Can you tell me if he is correct?
10) If he comes over for dinner - I would not serve him chit. Nothing. You can leave the food on the stove and he can serve himself.
11) Begin to work on your resume. Begin to think about where you want to live. What makes sense for you and the kids. He should not factor into the equation.
2G - this chit is hard and you have been at it for 2 years. My advice to you is to stop trying to fix your M, stop worrying about him and his feelings, and really start looking at yourself.
In most of your post I see you complain about your H. What are you doing to be that person that you want to be. The one that your H would not even want to leave. A person that can stand on thier own and be the woman they wanted to be.
This self reflection is hard and I see that you may not be doing the work on yourself. I understand that right now you are so focused on him and his chit - stop it. Time to focus on YOU and I mean really focus on YOU.
You can do this girl! Everyone on these boards can tell you the same thing - YOu though are the one that must believe it. Not me, not anyone...only you.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Stop looking at him and start focusing on YOU. What you need to do for YOU.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm really trying to go dim for my sanity. Just now we were discussing when the baby will be born and I said she can arrive in 6-8 weeks. He said "I wont be here from 10/14-10/28." I told him "Well. If she comes when you're gone then I guess you'll meet her some other time. You knew she was coming. It was your call. You chose what's more important to you. Enjoy. Ttyl"
Was that ok?
Last edited by 2gthrButApart; 09/15/1012:00 AM.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
I don't think you should have said anything. You simply should have said the baby is due in 8 weeks. Adding the additional stuff IMO was YOU trying to GUILT him into not going to see OW.
This action was manipulative. What it tells me is that YOU still feel that you can some how talk your way out of this. That somehow you can fix this. That somehow you can "convince" him to return.
You may not want to hear this BUT it comes across as needy. As lacking self worth, lacking self esteem.
Do you think your H will return to someone that he feels is needy, someone that he feels is trying to manipulate him using guilt?
I am not a women (Grit no comments please) so I may not understand how your emotions may be all over the place as a result of being pregnant BUT let me ask you this....
What do you find attractive in a partner?
Confidence or neediness?
Manipulation or trust?
Anger or compassion?
Be what YOU want in a partner.
You can do better and you know it. The anger - let it go it does you no good and is killing any chance you have of saving this.
Okay
God Bless Eriç
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
