I did for a couple of days and when I detached she text me the next morning asking if a girl on my FB page was calling me and then she hinted at having 2nd thoughts and I asked if she was and she said yes.
OK, so just a couple of days was enough that she questioned herself. But as soon as she did that, you went back to the pressure.
She isn't moving towards the "plan" because she is unsure. But, be assured, every time you pressure her, she will get more sure.
Weeks, months, not days. If you want it, you can do it.
See? What worked? Try pulling away again, but this time if she has 2nd thoughts, don't jump back in whole heartedly so quickly. Try to stay detached and make her pursue you. This is going to take a whole lot longer than a couple of days.
I agree with DanF. Stay the course. Marathon not a sprint. Set the small goals like the book said to do and keep checking back here. Start journaling on here so you can get the feedback and positive reinforcement/validation that what you are doing is working. You aren't going to get it from her right now.
Know why my H said he wants to be in the marriage? Because he actually went to see the OW this weekend and I did not call or text at all. I left him alone and went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in 10 years. I came home and packed a bag for him ready to kick him out and on his way home he said he wants this to work. I'm not at peace yet because he and OW are still texting....but that is my own story. Point is that I have been backing off and not pursuing, not returning texts, being emotionally focused on only my kids for a few weeks now.
Me 32 H 32 Ds 3.5 and 1.5 M 5 years, T 14 years EA/Bomb: 7/1/10 PA revealed: 9/14/10 Legally separated: 10/01/10
You have to give her the rope. I'm not sure I did the right thing with my wife, but the change in her only came when I told her to GTFO. I don't know what she thought after that, cuz I don't want to mind read. But her actions are pretty clear that she wants to do MC as long as she can.
Your wife has you by the scrotum, and until you remove her hands, she'll control you. You have to decide what you want, what your boundaries are, and how to fit them all into your worldview and faith.
Im going pray for stength just to stay away. I know I could if I could get control of my emotions and not just say "if this is what you really want just do it!" Thats now my down fall. Im going to try hard. I my heart said she doesnt care but if she is really fed up and going crazy why wouldnt she quit. My answer will only come after a back off. I need to detach again and like someone said when she shows something not budge. I told her she had to show me something unless she wanted to loose me forever so it might take a little longer just becuase of that. I need to hope for the best but prepare for the worse.
Im going pray for stength just to stay away. I know I could if I could get control of my emotions and not just say "if this is what you really want just do it!" Thats now my down fall. Im going to try hard. I my heart said she doesnt care but if she is really fed up and going crazy why wouldnt she quit. My answer will only come after a back off. I need to detach again and like someone said when she shows something not budge. I told her she had to show me something unless she wanted to loose me forever so it might take a little longer just becuase of that. I need to hope for the best but prepare for the worse.
Controlling your emotions is like controlling your wife. You can't. Accept them for what they are.
Im going home today and planning a weekly schedule. I going to get busy as h@ll. When I have the kids its about the kids but when they are with her, Im getting out doing things.
Controlling your emotions is like controlling your wife. You can't.
You can control your emotions by controlling your thoughts. It works. Look up cognitive therapy.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Good for you! Do you belong to a gym? We are headed to tour one when my kids wake up from nap.
The emotional rollercoaster is so hard. Keep rereading those 39 things posted to you above. You can ride the wave of the emotions, but like the wise Pinhead said you can control your actions. Try not to barge in and demand any answers. I have found that if I can keep my cool in the first 30 minutes of when I really want to erupt, I'm ok after that. I watch tv, read a book, chat with a friend, anything to keep me from going up and freaking out on him. Again, you are not alone. There are lots of people here with you in the same boat.
Me 32 H 32 Ds 3.5 and 1.5 M 5 years, T 14 years EA/Bomb: 7/1/10 PA revealed: 9/14/10 Legally separated: 10/01/10
Need some more advice. My wife text me this AM about another # she found looking at my cell bill online. I made sure I had all her PW's after the affair and have checked them up until about 3 weeks ago. I know that the affair has been over. I dont care to look anymore.
Now my quesion is do I need to keep answering her questions? The only time she shows intrest she when she is curious. Its funny the # is one of her friends and she doesnt realize it. The same friend 9 weeks ago that told her that leaving me was a huge mistake.
When I didnt tell her who is was, she said I will just call it. I said why? She said she wanted to know. Then after I refuse to tell her, it went to I really dont care, I just wanted to see if you would tell me. So I texted back that I was no longer interested in playing games or pissing contest and that I was only concerned in saving the marriage and the kids family only if she was. I have not heard back.
Do I need to change my passwords? Or should that remain open? If I change mine she will change hers. She is now fully understanding that Im almost fed up. She still as of now doesnt want to let go and will not say why she doesnt. She doesnt think we can "get back close" again. This is what Ive been told before since my last post there has been no "R" talk.
