How To Tell The Kids

[DanF]

I've started a new thread to play by the board rules.

First Thread

Second Thread


My situation at the moment is that my W has filed for D and we have had our initial Hearing for a Temporary Order.

Rather than try the case with the existing Court Commissioner, my attorney suggested that I accept the settlement she negotiated with W's attorney.

I will be moving out of my house on 8/29/10 and will have my kids on Wednesday nights and every other Friday, Saturday and Sunday night.

I have found a very nice place to live and am actually looking forward to moving away from W.

We are going to try to agree on splitting our possessions on Wednesday night and we have court ordered Mediation for the placement of our children next monday. I will ask for 50% share placement and will not settle for anything less. If we have to go back to court, I will do so.

I have pretty much fully detached from W and am feeling good about my future again, which is in stark contrast to feeling distraught only a few short months ago.

Thanks to all for your continued support on this site. I know I can do this and I know I can be happy again. I already am!!!

[A_goodman]

Dan,

Guess I'm first poster on your new digs.

Well man, I guess thins are progressing. Are you doing ok? I read the rest of your 2nd thread. Looks like you're getting some good advice. Stick to your guns on the kids, they are really the only thing from your soon to be former life that are worth going to the mattrasses over. All the other stuff can eventually be replaced with better stuff.

Sorry I've been MIA lately. Decided to focus on having fun with the kids W/O thinking about the sitch as much as possible. Wasn't easy with W there, but I was pretty relaxed and just tried to ignore the tension.

I'll check back soon.

Cheers.

[DanF]

I'm doing well AG. Did you ever figure out how to prepare those bluegills?

So W sends me an e-mail today to tell me about all of the expenses we have coming up regarding the kids, dog, cats, etc. I send her one back detailing out what I am willing to pay.

By the way, if I am paying massive amounts of support to her, should I be paying for stuff like school supplies and kids clothes? I thought that since I am paying her support based on her having the kids 65% of the time and me 35% of the time, maybe I should be paying 35% of their expenses? Or should their expenses all come out of the support and I pay her nothing?

Anyway, I bought the dog food today and offered to pay 35% of kids expenses. I have also paid the mortgage, utilities and cable. So when I get home, she starts telling me that we have to pay the babysitter ($80 per week) so I say, yeah? Well I have paid all the bills. So she says, well I guess I'll just keep on shelling it out then. And I say, Shelling it out? Yeah, I've paid the babysitter the last three weeks. This is unfocking believeable to me. Then she says she can't talk to me because it's ok as long as she agrees with me, but otherwise I am an a$$hole, as she is walking away. I said Fock You! She then left to go for a walk.

When she returned, I said, maybe if you weren't trying to keep my kids from me, getting me kicked out of the house and getting my bonus $ tied-up in a trust account I would be more willing to help you. Then she says, this isn't about helping me, this is about the dog and the kids. I said I told you what I would do in terms of supporting the kids. And I bought the dog food ($42). What do you want? You didn't propose anything. All you did was talk about all the expenses we have. Then D came in the house and the conversation was dropped.

God, what the F does she expect from me. My neighbors told me to pay only what the court has ordered and let her worry about the rest. I don't know what else to do right now. This seems ridiculous to me. She probably is broke, but so am I. Plus, I will have to buy furniture for the kids at my new home.

By the way, I still haven't given the $ to her attorney for the trust account. I paid off all the credit cards and plan to pay for my car repairs and pay off W's car repairs and give the atty what is left. Let them put me in jail. Then who will pay the f-ing mortgage?

Gotta get some sleep tonight. Still dragging from last night's concert.

Oh, I almost forgot. I think I am going to have my first and last party here while W is gone this weekend. We finished the basement, but never had a party, so I am going to this weekend. If any of you will be in the kenosha area, let me know. You are definitely invited! then next weekend, when I move, I think I am going to have a party at the new house and invite everyone except W!! Maybe my little blondie will show up and we can do some naked slides into the new pool!!!!!!

Have a great night everyone. I don't care anymore. Time to move on...........This is who I was when she fell in love with me. We'll see what happens.

I know. I did everything wrong and I'm an a$$hole, but I can't take it anymore!!!

Sorry if I let you all down.

[idontunderstand]

I don't care anymore. Time to move on...........This is who I was when she fell in love with me. We'll see what happens.

Dan-this sounds perfect to me. This is the frame of mind we should all be in when we first come here. Of course, if that were the case, we wouldn't need this place so much. You are healing and becoming a better person. That is a good thing.

I know. I did everything wrong and I'm an a$$hole, but I can't take it anymore!!!

Sorry if I let you all down.

Have to call B.S. on that. You have helped me and others a lot. Your PMA is something I strive for. We all screw up. I would venture to say I have messed up a lot more than you and I have been here longer. Welcome back the man that you used to be, love your kids, take care of yourself and enjoy your new home.

You have not let anyone down.

[bluestar]

Dan, give yourself a break! You have some tough days ahead. You will be emotional but it's ok. Just try to keep the emotions away from W. Believe me, you're handling this about as well as anyone could.

As far as the money, talk to your L about what your support should cover. I never got anything above what was ordered. Once you move out, I don't see how they can get support and make you pay her bills too.

Same thing with the bonus. Talk to your L about what you need to do before you do it. Otherwise it you could get into trouble and you don't want that since you need the court on your side.

She's probably peeing her pants over how she's going to cover things now, but here's the good part....It's not YOUR problem anymore. So, don't let it be.

[LSG]

DanF,

I know you are having a tough time. Go easy on yourself. You have given me and others here so much support. You are not the person you describe.

Just be yourself and don't worry about what she is saying. It is her problem, not yours. Let the attorney tell you what to pay and not to.

Mine told me to keep the status quo and pay nothing to her from what she gives me. I will do just that. She wants half the rent and car insurance which will leave me exactly where I am now with no money or food.

Do what you think is best, but do not do anything else in e-mails or be recorded on any answering machines or anything else for the meantime.

Continue to protect yourself and your wonderful kids.

I have so much respect for you.

Have a great day!

[bluestar]

By the way, be careful with the outbursts. Some spouses bait the other into situations where they lose their cool just to record it or have someone witness it for leverage in court. Not saying that you're W will do that. You just need to be aware. Also, be keep a record of what you're paying and to whom as well as when you do anything with the kids. It will come in handy later when you're going for 50/50.

[idontunderstand]

Did you ever figure out how to prepare those bluegills?

My kids and I and their Grandpa love to fish. We have this honey hole that I grew up fishing in with my dad that I take my kids. They can catch bluegill all day long. My daughter is the most patient one of the bunch and, to the boys' dismay, usually catches the most fish. She will sit on the ground or her lawn chair and sing to herself, watch the birds and just be content in the moment. The boys will fish for a while then start throwing stuff in the water and moving from place to place. Just being boys. I remember doing the same thing with my dad. It is great!

Anyway, the easiest way is to scale them, gut them, cut off their heads and the dorsal fin, dip in buttermilk, coat with breading and deep fry to a golden brown. Don't over cook them, it doesn't take long. The meat will flake right off of the bones! I usually fillet them for the kids so we don't have to worry about the bones but always make a few this way for myself. Add some baked beans and homemade mac and cheese and enjoy!

[DanF]

Mmmmmmm......I usually fillet them too. But, I want my S to start doing some of the fish cleaning also. As it is now, they catch a bunch of fish, then, while I am filleting them in the heat or the mosquitos (or both!), they are running around playing!!! Just being kids I guess. I told my son about cutting heads off and gutting them, but he says, they aren't as good that way. I guess I will just have to show him that they CAN be good that way too.

Nice job IDU.

[A_goodman]

Dan.

First off, you have nothing to be sorry over. I agree with the others about this. You have been a good friend to a lot of us. And have really come a loooooong way since this all started. So you blew up. No kidding? Everything you said was dead on the money. I know, it's not proper db procedure, but gee whiz, how much can one man take and still be empathetic and validate everything. Yeah, maybe you should have gone for the walk BEFORE cursing her, but you know what? Whether you did it right, or not, you definitely man-ed up.

This is one of the craziest things I have ever been involved in. If a man treated us the way we’re being treated, I think I can speak for most of us and say it might get that guy a slug in the chops, if not more. Heck, if anyone hurt me like this and threatened my kids future as much as she has, I would be hard pressed not to go ape-$hit all over them. But here we have to try to do this delicate dance and not hurt their wacked out feelings or challenge their goofy perception of reality. Don’t get me wrong, I understand it and why we need to do it. It’s just that sometimes I don’t want to.

You are in the self protection zone now. I’ll bet it felt good to curse her, just don’t do it again. Bluestar has a good point. Whatever you do, don’t give her any ammo to use on you. Make sure that when you walk into court, the judge finds you relaxed and pleasant. You followed all his orders and are ready to negotiate for a fair deal. Let her look like the fool she is. With no proof of anything.

IDK, thanks for the tips. My S9 learned how to swim this wknd so I’m going to make good on a promise to take him on a guided fishing trip. Can’t wait to eat some fish!

I have been reading your threads, but haven’t posted to you yet (I’m not finished reading them yet). All I can say is that I feel for you man. If this site wasn’t overrun with similar stories, I’d say it was unbelievable. For all of us.