A_goodman you summed it up perfectly. You should get puppies 4 whistle award.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Anecdotes aren't data. But here's mine. My father split from my mom when I was in third grade. To say it devastated me and my three older siblings is an understatement. Kids don't "get over it."
40, This is a good idea for a Thread. If for no other reason than to let one sorry SOB get off his chest a little of the venom that is really beginning to harsh his mellow.
Thanks for starting it, and suffering through my latest book chapter.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
I just lurk here, so take this for what it's worth.
My parents divorced when I was 16 and it totally blew me out of the water. This was a LONG time ago, mind you, and NOBODY had divorced parents; maybe now that it's more common it's not such a big deal? No, I know that's not true, but hopefully you know what I mean. I don't know for sure why...they had been married 26 years at that point and I have theories, but it doesn't matter now.
What I DO know is that my dad's selfishness in leaving has permeated our (us kids) relationship with him to this day. Now he is elderly, living alone, having multiple health issues and is really on his own. Many of the health issues are totally of his own making anyway, which doesn't help. Our mom never said a word against him--she knew he would dig himself a really deep hole with us all on his own and he did. She also supported him in almost every way possible before he walked out (believe me, he really pushed it). Why he didn't consider the long-term ramifications of such a decision shows just how clueless WAS's can be.
Well I guess I played a part in starting it, but ready2change brought it front and center.
I cant speak for anyone else but I know this has effected my kids and not in a good way. Someone said earlier that the WAS was not checking in on this forum. If the WAS is like mine they are only interested in what makes them feel good to heck with the kids. At least thats the way mine is acting. The WAS does not have to watch the kids cry because mom wont return there phone calls, they go check facebook and see the newest pics of mom parting at a bar, or hugging up to some new man. They don't see this, my WAW sees my kids cry for me and tells them to shut-up and get over it. They just flat don't care about the damage they are causing, and the pro divorce industry gives them reasons not to be guilty with out one bit of research. There is a reason no one answered my challenge for good data on divorce there is none to be found, believe me I have spent 3 months researching this.
Last edited by 40andsadintexas; 09/09/1008:43 PM.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
You probably found all the same things I did. The sites with a positive bent towards D all gloss over the data if they mention it at all. They all have positive, happy strategies on how to make it as positive as possible for the kids and assert that the outcome is really dependant on how the parents approach it. They don't realize that they are arguing from a deficit.
Yes, we can all effect the outcome, and our kids can be well adjusted and happy if we do such and such, but they don't spell out the implied "IN SPITE OF THE DIVORCE". You see, of all the effort we expend a good part of it will be in digging out of the hole that they get dumped in by D.
Think of all that work that could be used making them happier than they are now, that will have to go into getting them back to the present level.
It's just one of the tragedies of our times that society is so accepting of this.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
Did anyone see the memorial on 9.11. 9 years later and family members are suffering from their losses.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
