Here I am.

[robx]

She asked why I haven't I been begging for her to come back and trying to show her how much I loved her. I told her, "You are having an affair. I have too much self respect to kiss your ass while you are having an affair."

If only every LBS on this site would read this and repeat it word for word when asked the same question by a spouse who has had or is having an affair.

[Hosea]

Ok I backslid a bit. Ok maybe a lot I dunno. After that phone call, I knew that she wasn't full blown back with me at all. It just proved to me she was confused. However, over the next few phone calls, she was really warm to me and thanked me for setting up her a Rosetta Stone acct. She even slipped up and called me babe. I know this wasn't a conscious thing, it just means she was more comfortable talking to me.

So for the past two weeks, we've been chatting on FB more and once we got the children stuff out of the way, we had nice convos. I wasn't even initiating all the convos. Later I did send an email with a joke I got from my dad.

Last night, I told her about S5's kg teacher's concerns about his social development and that I was taking him to get a referal to a pediatric behaviorlist. She was upset, of course, but recognized that I am the man on the scene and she hasn't been around for 4 months especially seeing him on the playground and at school.

Later, I saw on FB that right before I told her this she had done a stupid relationship test on FB and it said "True Love" *puke* I know she wasn't taking it with me in mind. Now she might think that this whole thing with S5 is a ploy as she doesn't think theres anything wrong with him.

I had taken her greatly decreased activity with OM on FB, her saying she still loved me and those nice convos as a sign that things might be warming up.

She had said she doesn't even know why I love during that phone call. So I had sent her a 6 page letter telling her exactly why. I also sent out a few lighthearted gifts (nothing serious like jewelry or anything) just to make her deployment more pleasant. She hasn't received any of this yet. Where I screwed up big time was I filled out Dr. Harley's emotional needs questionnaire on my end and sent it to her. I was truthful and it wasn't really that scathing, as most of the actions that led to our problems this past year were honestly on my end. Now I know she really doesn't even want to hear about that kind of stuff and will probably see it as critisizm as I've never been one to express my feelings so bluntly in the past. All I can do is damage control on that now as its in the mail.


Now I'm going back to what was working. Detachment and aloofness. My lesson learned from this is if MWD tells you to keep doing what is working, keep at it and don't just stop because you perceive the ice thawing a little.

[soleil]

Now I'm going back to what was working. Detachment and aloofness.

Good plan.

You have to wonder if in their minds they are back to a "dating" status when they are having these affairs and wondering why you won't engage in the competition and miss the whole point about commitment, betrayal, etc.

I think that is true, MP.

[pinhead]

Backslid? You sent her a six page letter telling her why you love her? You sent her gifts? An emotional survey?

Here's a better idea. Tell her that if she cheats on you again, you'll always love her and be willing to be with her. All the respect you earned in that phone call just went down the loo.

Knowing this, you need to craft a damage control plan. Hell, just because she says she loves you doesn't mean you can go all melty man.

Use these forums when you get the urge to do "something." Someone here will always be ready to tell you if it's a great idea, or if you're sabotaging yourself.

[Hosea]

Yeah PH I screwed up. Lesson learned.

[Hosea]

She doesn't know about the letter yet, nor the care package. Might take another week and a half to get them. No more though. Don't think I'm going to volunteer any unnessasry info about the kids unless she asks.