H sent me 3 more messages asking for a reply. In the second one he said he's taking it that I won't answer and he probably wouldn't believe me (???) even if I did and that he's going to file uncontested. The third went like this: "can you at least tell me why you don't care at all? not that I'll believe it i guess, but i guess my suspicions were right."
So this is what I wrote back: I really do love you, but you know what, I'm tired of your crap behavior. This isn't really how I want to spend the rest of my life. I don't want to walk on eggshells and hope you will be in a good mood and won't feel like throwing hurtful remarks and putting me down just because you're in a bad mood. I'm not going to take the blame for your problems with yourself. I admit that I have my faults but I tried to be the best girlfriend, fiance and wife I could. And now you choose to throw it away without even telling me why or where this is coming from.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
So this is what I wrote back: I really do love you, but you know what, I'm tired of your crap behavior. This isn't really how I want to spend the rest of my life. I don't want to walk on eggshells and hope you will be in a good mood and won't feel like throwing hurtful remarks and putting me down just because you're in a bad mood. I'm not going to take the blame for your problems with yourself. I admit that I have my faults but I tried to be the best girlfriend, fiance and wife I could. And now you choose to throw it away without even telling me why or where this is coming from.
Good for you, ris!
Now, for your next trick, go completely dark for a while.
Ignore everything from him, and stop checking his FB. Get out of the house and live for you. Maybe take another trip...
Let your strong stand be the last thing he has to remember you by for a while.
I'm starting to think that he thinks I've cheated on him, which couldn't be further away from the truth. All this "not believing me" makes me think so. He did get into paranoid moods like this before, especially when he was deployed and guys that were with him constantly kept on finding out their wives/GFs cheated. He told me that it's one of the biggest fears of a soldier, that he will be cheated on.
Together with his low-self esteem makes a bad combination. Is there anything I can do about it? I don't want to fuel this suspicion.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
I wish I could tell you that there's something you can do. I offered H everything I could think of to prove I hadn't cheated while he was deployed. His answer was "well, I still just don't know". Hugs, Ris. I know this is hard but you're handling it great so far.
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
You can do whatever you want to do. You are a grown woman who gets to make her own choices.
I just don't understand why you want to play this game with him.
Seriously, I don't. HE asked for the divorce. HE has the explaining to do, not you. He needs to kiss some serious butt to make up for this or get what he asked for, IMO.
If he has issues now and is willing to quit on you when you aren't even living together, how messed up is he going to be if he doesn't work on his issues and is living under the same roof?
So... you can ask whatever you want. YOU don't owe him any explanations, do you? Have you done anything wrong?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I just wish we could put it all on the table and openly say what the issues are, without stupid games.
Unfortunately, you weren't given that choice, were you?
He sent you a brief, "I want a divorce". Not a "I want a divorce because of the following reasons [small phone book length document follows]". Then followed up with cryptic responses and typical blame shifting.
So what are your choices?
You can ask him for an explanation (which he already could have provided), you can agree with him for different reasons obviously, or you can argue with him.
He owes you the explanation if anybody owes anybody an explanation... even if it's BS. You aren't asking for the divorce.
Not even a ILYBINILWY? Not a "It's no you, it's me?".
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/23/1002:50 AM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
