I would re-double my job search. I would make a list of 10 things I am grateful for every single day. I would establish a fitness routine if I didn't already have one. I would get regular sleep.
I would watch old Cary Grant comedies and figure out how to be classy, confident and charming.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
"We're both incredibly happy in every part of our lives together other than the sex life. Everything else works great. It's just this part that is causing us a major problem."
Let's face it. If you two were incredibly happy, she wouldn't have had sex with OM. It's more about just physical sex, it's how you maker her feel as a woman. From the way you described things, you sound more like her best girlfriend than her HUSBAND. There's a difference.
The "sexual aspect" is emotional, physical, etc. She will want to have sex with you based on how you make her feel. Not just your physical attractiveness. Let's face it. If she wasn't attracted to you, she wouldn't have married you in the first place.
That's one of the first things you have to learn. Are you the man she would want to be with? When two people have been together with each other for a long time, attractiveness WILL wane. It's a fact of life. What else have you offered her that stimulated her in ways other than physical?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
a. LK, you need to get some firm boundaries in place to protect your home from this affair happening again. b. LK, you need to inform your wife you need her to open up her email accounts and cell phone records for you to feel safe again c. LK, you need to invite your wife to attend family therapy first.
Until this affair is OVER... And I don't believe her... Yet... You need to be in protection mode and keep a CLOSE eye on her.
Ignore all the excuses about why the affair happened. You can explore that later. Do the necessary work to CONFIRM :
a. The affair IS OVER b. That a rough patch in your marriage WON'T lead to this again
Once that is confirmed, outside of you just asking your wife "is it over" and "please don't do this again", then you can do the repair work.
I don't see much point in even touching Sex Starved Wife or any other text on Sex until you are CONFIDENT BEYOND BELIEF that this affair IS at an end.
What precautions is your wife taking LK to ensure this won't resurface at work again?
Is your wife looking for work elsewhere?
Has the OM's wife been informed?
Is he moving to a new location?
Anything changing at WORK to safeguard this marriage?
While I'm not saying that he shouldn't do anything about the A, he should also go back and see what the real problems were in the R also.
A lot of your stuff is so centered around a person's A that it almost becomes obsessive.
According to most infidelity experts I've read repairing a marriage is next to impossible with an ongoing affair in the midst of it. Changes right NOW won't register all that much.
And did it ever occur to you Bond that I may be trying to OFFSET what is MISSING on this forum?
Who on earth said I don't support people making changes in themselves? I most certainly didn't.. And I HAVE advocated people changing themselves AS WELL AS combating the infidelity taking place.
"Obsessive?" I am simply working hard to offer a balance to a forum that doesn't press the panic button hard enough when someone threatens their family.
Committed is more accurate. And who on earth appointed me the sole voice for this forum anyways? Why on earth can't I offer targeted advice to a poster and leave the "work on you" stuff to yourself or someone else?
I am getting pretty frustrated with people and their amateur criticism in a visitor's thread to boot.
If you have issues with my posts or strategies Bond then open up a thread and stop picking fights where they don't belong.
Help the person above or take it outside please.
I will not reply to your criticisms of my posts any longer here.. I welcome them in a thread you create for that discussion... But I won't do it here.
