I personally wouldn't have it on my "short list," but if it's REALLY on his, then he should communicate it up front. That's all I'm saying. I'm not familiar enough with his sitch to know just how destructive this GF has been to his marriage to comment on it, but Gr8 seems to feel this is a non-negotiable item here.
Gr8 seems to feel this is a non-negotiable item here.
I agree with you on both counts. I repsect Gr8's decision but just trying to get him to ask himself if his W's GF is worth being the reason they reconcile or not.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
how destructive this GF has been to his marriage to comment on it,
Ever since w started hanging out with GF, whom she reunited with from FB, the GF has been introducing OM into W's life. In fact GF pressured her to be with OM.
I feel I need to treat this GF as an OM in my relationship with W.
Would we not expect our spouses to eliminate all contact with OM if they were in an affair?
I am treating her GF as the threat to my M.
If am wrong on this please enlighten me. My ears are opened.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I agree with you on both counts. I repsect Gr8's decision but just trying to get him to ask himself if his W's GF is worth being the reason they reconcile or not.
This also could be asked of my W.
Is she willing to throw away an opportunity for a great M for someone who just came back into her life a year and a half ago?
Her friend will drop her so fast once she has some OM in her life.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Ever since w started hanging out with GF, whom she reunited with from FB, the GF has been introducing OM into W's life. In fact GF pressured her to be with OM.
Gr8,
What PROOF do you have of this? If this is accurate and reliable, then I agree with you -- absolutely.
They would go out to the bars and it was a compitition between the two of them with other guys.
Another instance was GF telling W that this OM likes her and she should "go for it".
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I'm thinking you should let W do the bulk of the talking. Has W even shown you any sort of change that gives you faith to work on R the M?
W saying 'I want in' isn't quite the same as W doing/proving worth. If that makes sense. I'm just playing devil's advocate here.
Obviously this is a deal breaker for you. That's fine, right and healthy for you. I'd imagine W is going to be skittish for a little. Is laying this out at the gate going to make things easier or more difficult to R? I guess that is the crux of things.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
Unfortunately, some women allow GF's to have a huge influence on their immediate actions (like hooking up with OM and ruining their M). You'd think once out of high school that mess would stop. It would not be surprising if GF made your W think she had to choose between you and the GF! That was usually used as a last resort if the weaker person started pulling back and not doing what the stronger one wanted.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You'd think once out of high school that mess would stop
It's funny you say this. Our mutual friend did tell me my W felt like she was back in High school when she and her GF went out.
I do believe GF had/has a strong influence in my W.
I also believe m W will put more blame on me for her actions over the past year. Justifying why she did what she did.
For someone who just needed "time" it doesn't seem right to me that it meant playing they field to figure out things.
In fact things didn't change until she found out that I was dating.
She said she tried for 8 years with me and that I only tried 6 months.
I replied to her: "The more I tried to work on us the more I pushed you away, so I stopped. Especially when I asked you in May if D is something you wanted. You replied yes. I asked you if D is the best thing for us and again you said yes. These were two direct answers from you. What would one think when these things are said?"
I know what I need now in a healthy M.
These will be discussed when we talk. I will not get all melty man with her. I'm too strong and confident now to allow that to happen.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I replied to her: "The more I tried to work on us the more I pushed you away, so I stopped. Especially when I asked you in May if D is something you wanted. You replied yes. I asked you if D is the best thing for us and again you said yes. These were two direct answers from you. What would one think when these things are said?"
What did she say after you said this?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
It would not be surprising if GF made your W think she had to choose between you and the GF! That was usually used as a last resort if the weaker person started pulling back and not doing what the stronger one wanted.
and that I only tried 6 months.