Robx, the original buyers were pre-qualified. They backed out. Should know something today if the second set of buyers is interested. We’ve been getting a lot of showings on the house but no real offers. The house is priced well and lower than just about every other comparable home in the area. If these second set of buyers don’t make an offer I’m going to lower the price in one week. Trust me, this house is a huge pain for me too and I’m tired of dealing with it. I will have all of the last fixes to the house completed this weekend and then that’s finally finished. House looks great now.
Regarding keeping the lines of communication open with W. The point I was trying to make was that I don’t really want to communicate with her right now. So I keep going back and forth whether to respond to her when she contacts me like she’s been doing the past week or ignore her? I agree it’s depressing to only talk to her about the same depressing news. This is not the communication I want to have with her. I want to talk to her about good things and have fun with her again…be happy and laugh together again. I used to be able to always make her laugh and I’d love to make her laugh again one day. This house and all of the baggage from the past has got to go and go now. We’ll never have the chance for a healthy relationship until this house is gone. I’m sure it’s too late for that anyway.
I don’t even know what I want right now. I need to get to a point that I can clear my mind of all of this garbage and begin to think clearly about things. I have thought about dating. The prospect of meeting other women is not a bad thing for me anymore. I honestly do not find my W attractive right now with the person she has become. I’m all for growth but she’s unrecognizable to me now. I feel like I’ve put my life on hold for so long dealing with this stuff for the past 3 years and I just want out now. I don’t want this life anymore, I want to be happy too. Whether it’s with my W one day or with someone else I just want to be happy again. I haven’t been happy for a long long time.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
The point I was trying to make was that I don’t really want to communicate with her right now. So I keep going back and forth whether to respond to her when she contacts me like she’s been doing the past week or ignore her? I agree it’s depressing to only talk to her about the same depressing news. This is not the communication I want to have with her.
So you don't feel like talking to her. Not attractive.
Is her name on the mortgage?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Steve M, I’m trying to do something different now that’s why I don’t even want to talk to her. When she told me the other week that I hurt her and she won’t let me hurt her again, I now know exactly how she feels. She has hurt me terribly by all of this and my wall is now up. I’m tired of opening my heart up to her only to have her step on it. I have told her how sorry I am for hurting her and I feel like telling her that she’s hurt me just as bad. I’m getting to where she probably was a year ago. In some ways it’s aggravating when she contacts me lately. I actually cringe when I see her emails pop up or see her call or text. I find that I don’t want to be bothered by her now. All she brings to my life is misery now and I want happiness. I totally get her now and where she was/is. I feel like I’m there now too.
I’d like to get my closure and begin to heal. She won’t even go to counseling for closure like she had offered earlier. I need to bring about my own closure. I need to heal from this and I know it will take me a long time. I think she’s been so unfair and unreasonable with this whole sitch but that’s her right now…she’s so self-absorbed. That’s fine though, she can be whoever she wants to be but I’m no longer going to deal with it. If she decides to file next week then that’s her decision and the path she chooses for herself. I will make my own path and do what’s best for me. I have put myself on the back burner for her for years. No more, not now.
I’m not doing this to try to change my tactics to see if she comes around this time. I’m done with trying to do things to do what works to try to bring her back. I have to be my own person again. I lost my identity and need to get it back. I went back and read my last few posts about asking if I should and how to respond to her. It was pathetic. Just man-up and call her and keep it to the subject she’s asking about and that’s all. I did text her yesterday afternoon to say that I could call her late in the evening. She texted back that it would be a bit too late and could we talk tomorrow/today. I texted back that’s fine. Keep it short, no R talk, be polite and that’s it. It annoys me to read some things I write hear. I sound so weak sometimes. I don’t know where that guy came from but yeah, it’s not attractive at all. The man I was is the man she fell in love with. I will become that person again…if not for her then for someone else. It would be sort of ironic to find myself again and find her again.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Coach, it's so difficult to want to communicate with her now. Yes, I would love to talk to her but not about this damn house stuff. It sucks. I know she doesn't like it either. I completely understand the burden she felt for the past three years. Seems like there's nothing else to talk to her about now...at least nothing else she would want/allow to talk to me about right now. I can't call her to talk about current events, sports, the weather or anything else but this house garbage. I am at a loss of what to do now. The only thing I can think of is to get rid of this house immediately. Like Robx said, it's got to be so depressing for her to talk to me knowing the topic is about the house and that's it. If after I gave her an update I don't think she would talk to me about anything else...fun stuff.
Yes, her name is on the mortgage too. She may not see it but I'm trying to dig us out of this hole. If she never comes back I feel like it's the one last right thing I can do for her to save her from foreclosure...that's why I fell on the sword last week. I still try to do the right thing. I had mentioned a while ago that we got an extension on our taxes. W wasn't sure if she wanted to file jointly or separately. A couple of weeks ago she decided to file jointly. I'm sure the only reason is because we get money back filing together and she would have owed filing herself. Anyway, we get a little more back from federal than state. A couple days ago I told my accountant to deposit the smaller amount into my account and the larger amount into her account. It's not too much difference in the numbers but I took care of it and did the right thing. I didn't make it a big production and go back and forth with W on how to divide the money etc. I made it easy for her.
Coach, almost forgot to tell you, I did pick-up a copy of Learned Optimism last week and am reading it.
Last edited by mza8; 10/08/1003:28 PM.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
So your wife has a want, need and right to know what is going on as a business partner. This isn't about what you want or how you feel. Do the right thing.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
So your wife has a want, need and right to know what is going on as a business partner. This isn't about what you want or how you feel. Do the right thing.
That's why I decided to contact her yesterday...because it's the right thing to do. Waiting for her to contact me today.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Just found out that my bank announced today that they are halting foreclosures nationwide. Finally, some good news for W and me! Gives me some time to breath now and get this house sold.
I just texted W with the good news. I know the ultimate goal is to get it sold but hopefully this news will help W be a little less stressed for now.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
It annoys me to read some things I write hear. I sound so weak sometimes. I don’t know where that guy came from but yeah, it’s not attractive at all. The man I was is the man she fell in love with. I will become that person again…if not for her then for someone else. It would be sort of ironic to find myself again and find her again.
You are finally reaching the "point". I can hear it in your post.
You have so much ahead of you now. Like I told Pinhead, keep an open mind. Start living your life as if your M is going to work out. It will take so much pressure off you that you can fianlly start living for you. Just found out that my bank announced today that they are halting foreclosures nationwide.
Quote:
Finally, some good news for W and me! Gives me some time to breath now and get this house sold.
I heard this on the radio this afternoon and thought about you. Good news indeed.
Get livin. gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Robx, the original buyers were pre-qualified. They backed out. Should know something today if the second set of buyers is interested. We’ve been getting a lot of showings on the house but no real offers. The house is priced well and lower than just about every other comparable home in the area. If these second set of buyers don’t make an offer I’m going to lower the price in one week. Trust me, this house is a huge pain for me too and I’m tired of dealing with it. I will have all of the last fixes to the house completed this weekend and then that’s finally finished. House looks great now.
I'm not talking about being pre-qualified at the bank for a mortgage loan, I meant that the other agent should have found out for sure if they were serious about writing up an offer instead of letting the drama of the situation drag on relentlessly.
On our end, we've purchased and sold a few homes already, the process isn't that difficult. Agent shows you the home, if you're interested, you possibly ask for another viewing just to make sure and then you write up an offer, if not you move on, you don't spend a week deliberating over a home, seriously if it's that difficult a decision or too pricey, move on to the next candidate. Waiting for the agent to get back to you and wasting all that time was nonsense.
