Looking for help with WAW - 2

[mza8]

Thanks soleil. I've talked to a L but I haven't responded to her petition yet. I'm still trying to decide what to do as far as my response. I have a couple of options and I'm thinking of which way I want to go with this.

I'm trying to focus on me but some days it's still so hard. Some days I feel like this hasn't gotten any easier for me. I still love her and would do anything for her. Some days it takes all of my willpower not to want to contact her. I want to ask her for coffee or something but I know it's not the right time...I guess it's not the right time.

I still put so much blame on myself that my M has come to this point. I put the blame on me because she puts the blame on me. She thinks I was responsible for the financial mess and it's all my fault. Whether it is or it isn't it would have been nice for her (as my W) to have stuck by me and supported me the way I supported her.

Sometimes I wonder if she was always the kind of person who was just about herself or if our financial crisis has made her become that way? I look at it (regarding the financial mess) that we were in a sinking boat. I was trying so hard so bail out the water. There was one life jacket on board. Instead of my W helping me bail out the water she chose to put on the one life jacket and save herself. She left me to sink. That's very hard for me to get past...her selfishness, her need to get out, to save herself. That's not how a M should be.

I guess I'm just having a bad day today with this sitch. All I want is another chance with her...

[soleil]

I still put so much blame on myself that my M has come to this point.

Okay... time for a 2x4!

::SMACK::

Stop doing that! You know nothing good comes out of drowning
yourself in misery and that nasty B word. The B word is awful and gets you nowhere. Blame yourself for half of the
f-ckery but not all of it. You are only responsible for what you did, not what she did. It takes TWO to make a M work and if she wants out, that is NOT your problem. You have tried over and over again to save your M. The ball is in her court. It still is.

This entire ordeal is gruelling. Emotionally, psychologically, mentally. You adore her. I know that. She wants out and if she wants out, then you have got to let her go. Give her what she wants. In the meantime, work on yourself. But again, 2x4 time!-- I am virtually smacking you upside the head! Turn your frown upside down, stand up a little taller and do something nice for yourself today. You like funny movies? Rent one. Ice cream is your downfall? Go to Baskin Robbins today and get the biggest scoop of your favorite flavor and then laugh when you realize how many ridiculous calories you just consumed. Then smile. You need some mental cleansing? Go the gym, Go for a run, exercise. Wink at a hot lady. Then laugh at yourself cause you just winked at a hot lady.

I know this hurts like hell but you CAN and you WILL get through this. Weigh your legal options, think about what you want in the D, and have your L draft something up for you to send to hers.

Keep on with the keep on.

You'll get thru this.