Oh, I agree: there's a fascinating wealth of material on how the depressed mind works to be had by observing the MLCer in action. I'm just suggesting ... observe, stow the information away, and once the crisis resolves itself (if it does in his case) and he's once again in possession of his right mind, that is the time to analyze the data and make sense of it. The pattern really can only be made out from a distance.
Feeling (compassionately) detached is the best feeling, isn't it?
I found that curiosity about how the mind works, turned inward, was so empowering--to have the time to examine how I'd developed certain beliefs and determine whether they were still serving me, to accept that certain interactions within the marriage were actually leftover coping skills from childhood situations and to learn to recognize and defuse these reactions, to embrace those parts of myself I'd neglected, etc, etc, was a complete luxury. (It was also far more interesting and profitable than arm-chair analyzing H, though of course I had my times with that as well). I loved the changes I was able to make as a result.
The MLC mind can make dramatic shifts, but it's all down to things like how much seratonin their brains are getting at the time and how clearly they can think relative to their level of depression and whether they need a new addiction to get the same amount of "kick"--so although it's fascinating to watch, it doesn't add up to much.
what stage are you at in your quest to become the kind of woman you most admire? What would you still like to accomplish?
I believe that you have yet to answer Cyerna's questions. Just a friendly reminder.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Well let's see. I am studying nursing. I am raising my 5 children I work within aged care. I am becoming healthier and looking after myself. I am comfortable within my own company and dealing with what i did to contribute to the downfall of my relationship. I love because I do but am not expecting anything in return. I am better with my girls. More patient, listening more and becoming the parent I ways wished I was. I am me. A work in progress and hope to remain so for the rest of my life.
The week has been interesting. Full of him assisting around the house, with the animals, and of course his Ds. He cooked tea for us and has been staying longer in his visits. I am going to enjoy this time while it occurs. But not read too much into it. Maybe daydream a little LOL He won't be round this weekend so a breather. I have a party to go to and he is off doing his own thing.
So much happening but nothing much as well. I have no working laptop and visiting on my phone so not updating much. Hope that changes today. Any who a real brief update. I have had a new shower head installed. Grass mowed. Weeds poisoned. He swept inside the house!! He is repairing our driveway.
He has also been reconnecting with friends and family slowly but surely contacting them more.
He has been doing more with our animals. Up until a month ago I was buying everything and feeding them but now when he's here he is caring for them and buying things for them.
He is still with ow so he is still in replay.
He is now looking after the girls here 2 nights a week and soon it will be 3 nights. He told me he would stay every night if I needed him to.
We have a had a few R talks instigated by him. He actually thanked me for being so good to him while he is going through this sh1t. I nearly fell over. We chatted about communication and heaps of other things too. After these talks he withdraws from me for a while, trying to pick fights and the like. I try to avoid it not rising to the bait walking away.
Just recently he started paying another bill of the house saying he doesnt want everything going to wrack and ruin this is home. He also has been talking in future terms and altho no home coming date those future plans include me in them.
Still I am happy to see him happier and that is what I really want him happy and healthy no matter how 'we' work out.
He is having Xmas here and also we are going to his family's house as well. So lots of things but nothing as well. Meanwhile I am planning to take my girls camping through these holidays and do some fun things. I don't have much money so am limited whereas ow spends LOTS on them. (we discussed that too) But I try to make memories with the girls and find free things to do.
So I GAL and try to live as if but I still am not as detached as I would like but I am getting there. In some ways it feels as if he is trying to sneak home by saying he'll look after the girls while I work and I can work more. At present the only day I don't see him is well maybe Saturday. Maybe. That will change as I work Friday nights and he takes the girls. I plan to quit Friday nights so I can actually have the girls a whole weekend. When I mentioned that to H he didn't say much then 2 days later ot of the blue he says 'but that will mean I only see the girls every second weekend'
Uh yeah hello welcome to real life. But it won't work that way he has things he has planned to do here.
Anyway I apologise for any errors on my phone it's hard to see and I hope I make sense.
H was over last night and we went gift shopping for D5 her birthday. the one thing with this MLC is he is now more hands on with choosing gifts for the girls, he aways used to leave it up to me. It's nice to chat and choose things together and for him to realise the cost involved as well. he is going to get the Xmas decorations down as I can't reach them in the ceililng (too short and less then athletic build).
he also has decided to make some Xmas displays, he is very talented in this area so they will be good. but I am very surprised it has been a couple of years since he has displayed this sort of interest. To be honest I didn't think he would either seeings he is heavily involved with ow.
I keep my expectations low although some days it is hard. We are buying gifts but more from the girls although he is stressed about it as he doesn't know what to get me. He said to me not to ask him what he wants as he has no idea. I just smiled and said I know exactly what to get you. That caught him off guard.
In some ways it feels as if he is trying to sneak home, as if he is trying to annoy the ow so bad she dumps him so he is not the bad guy. In other ways he seems to enjoy the power he wields over her. Who knows? And really it shouldn't be on my radar.
I write, it lets me get things out and once out I don't mull as much.
I look at my wonderful girls and know it is all good with them, sure he has them regularly but he misses so much as well. Some bonus money came through and now I am up to date on bills WOOHOO I am trying to figure out where to go with 5 children. a nice holiday away.
