I know I’ve promised to keep everyone posted on what’s been going on with my sitch. A lot has happened. After signing divorce papers in October of 2009, I was mailed divorce papers asking for an extension in the divorce to July of 2010. I checked with the wife, who I thought was my ex and she said she didn’t have any money to pay for attorney fees. Now if you recall, she makes over 70k, took in at least 6k in income tax plus any money she received and she didn’t have any money to pay for the divorce which was not being contested by myself and had been ongoing for 2 yrs now.
I, again reluctantly signed the divorce papers and gave them to her attorney. Then a few weeks later I get a call that I have to sign again. I asked why and the wife says, well they had the wrong dates down as to when custody starts. I’ve had enough with signing papers for her divorce and told that was it. I’m done signing anything.
Well all this time this has been going on, I finally found permanent work. It has been almost 9 months being unemployed, turning 40 and divorced. I did finish my marathon. I was so proud about that. I was spending more and more time with the kids, which was making me happy.
Then in January of 2010, the wife and I had a talk about what was going on with me. Again, at this time I was living with my brother and his family. I was still unemployed and finding it very hard to get through each day. I had just returned from Christmas vacation with the kids. The wife wanted to talk. She was worried about my well being and health. She was concerned with my weight loss. At the time, I had been running close to 12 miles a day; eating but not like I used too. She asked about my living situation. I told her it was tough and on top of that, having to being told that I had to obey their house rules, it was a bit of a kick to the gut. At that time, she said I could live with her and the kids until I got settled on my own.
Since then, I have seen a lot of change in her; it isn’t in a good way. Her best friend is a 24 yr old woman. With the wife being 41, her best friend 24, there doesn’t seem a lot of life lessons they can learn from one another. But they do go out a lot, dancing, clubs, more dancing. It was tough seeing her walk out and come back in at 3, 4, 5 and 6AM at times. The kdis caught her walking in at 6AM and were just shocked. Needless to say she just yelled at them to go back to bed. But again, that is one of the changes that I have noticed in her. She will miss a kids ballgame or event in order to go out with her friends. She tells the kids, she doesn’t have money to take them to the movies or dinner but yet will go out in the drop of a dime and paint the town red. She’ll make plans to go out of town with her GF but makes excuses of why she can’t do this or that.
With all that said, she still (when she feels like it) wants to go to church with the kids and me. She occasionally calls me “babe” or “honey” in front of the kids. She seems to want to talk about the past and the mistakes I made in our marriage but makes no mention of hers. She will always state that I never changed and yet have her eyes shut to not even notice a change me. She curses a lot in front of the kids. She has a very short temper. She says is planning for long term goals but I don’t see doing anything for the kids only herself.
She is still very much the selfish person she has always been. She’s just a little older, more wrinkles, a little bit of a gut now and always tired.
It must be tough trying to keep up with the younger crowd.
I have learned so much about myself. I’ve learned to be more patient with the kids. I’ve learned that I can change, it is possible. I’ve learned to appreciate what I had with my wife and I miss the whole family thing.
I hope for those that are still undecided that you give your marriage, give each other a chance. Because when you think that you’ve lost all hope, you can’t try anymore, you need to dig deeper, try even harder. You can’t force anything on your wife/husband. They have to see it, they have to feel it, they have to want it.
I know my wife still loves me. I know she misses what we had and what could be. She’s just so full of pride it’s disgusting.
But if you can get past that and just work on each other; just be you. You guys will be ok.
One day at a time…
Me - 39 W - 39 D - 11 D - 8 S - 5 Served - 04/14/09 Temporary Court Orders - 04/27/09
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
Gosh I hope my D dont drag out that long, and the thought of sleeping even one night in the same house with my cheeting STBEX makes me want to be sick at my stomache. My stbex has changed so much I wouldn't take her back if she came with a stack of million dollar bills taped to her. Good luck on your sich hope you get the ending YOU want.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Oh c'mon. Nothing says "I love you" more than going out and partying with people two decades younger than you, going out to dance clubs to dance with younger men, missing your kids' events, and so on for more than two years!
Kids, don't try this at home. These are untrained amatuers, but they are *special*. If you try *loving* your spouse this way, they will divorce you and move on.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
