I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

So STBXW didn't like my short response to her question about moving districts.

She responded with "Thanks for your input. If I choose to move it will be out of the xxx school district."

So I wrote a much longer response with all of the reasons, including how moving would cut me out of their lives and she'd be putting them in a ritzy district where they'd be the poor kids.

Before sending it though I had a coworker look it over and she suggested leaving those parts out and just leaving the parts in about how the kids are thriving and all school districts are having to make major changes.

It's still not really an issue. She still has to do something about the house.

It was a good reminder of why we weren't working together -- there were no free open discussions, just over-reactions on both sides.

[ClingingToHope]

Forgot to say I started my fourth divorce rebuilding class at church last night. I don't listen much to the one hour presentation anymore. I just like the one hour discussions after.

My table this time includes a guy I played baseball with in college. He worked with me and made me a much, much better hitter.

He was married 11 years. The last couple he was trying to get a personal training business off the ground so there was stress and he's not very talkative anyway. One day he came home and she said she didn't want to be married anymore and moved out with their two daughters. She moved in with her mom an hour away.

Another guy has been separated but not divorced since 2004. He dated someone for five years and that broke up last week -- in part over unresolved issues with the still unfinished marriage. So he signed up for the class and filed the paperwork for the divorce Tuesday morning.

His story peaked my interest.

This morning I decided to email my attorney. If we don't receive a full proposal by March 1 then I want to present a full proposal by the March 15 status hearing. I'd like to finish it after our anniversary -- April 27 -- but before July.

The anniversary is a small thing with me. My parents were married 14 years before divorcing. April 27 will be our 15th. At least we lasted longer even if the last two years don't really count.

[whatisis]

Hey you sound good, CTH. You're finally pushing forward to end this thing and you certainly sound more grounded than a few months ago. You seem far less frenzied. Good to see (or read)!

[ImprovedRomeo]

CTH, good for you. Limbo [censored], get 'er done.

[ClingingToHope]

Good weekend. Worked Thursday, Friday nights and Saturday morning at the basketball games. The boys team came up with a big win so I went out with the coaches after. Then I met friends at a bowling alley near my house. I got there early and the owner is an old friend. Word has gotten around about my "situation" and he told me his story.

Married 16 years then it was over -- he tried to keep it together, but he said once the spark was gone it wasn't coming back. Eight years divorced and now he's getting remarried in three weeks.

I met the fiance. She's nice. I hope it works out for them. His daughter was murdered two years ago by an abusive boyfriend.

Friday was a good night. Saturday played cards with friends -- didn't win -- then picked up D11 for a hockey game. Her school was singing the national anthem. It's not my weekend, but STBXW said I could take her since she's not a sports fan.

Lots and lots of fun. She made it through the whole game. It's the first time she made it past the first period. Posed with a former player, both mascots. I got to say hi to D8 both before and after. STBXW didn't look at me at any time. Things are very tense now.

I dropped D11 off and met friends out again for a couple of hours. They were happy I'm moving things forward.

Today I was tired, but I made it to church and then played cards again. I'm not a good card player, but I was hot today and won and that'll help.

Tonight, I'm even more tired and I'm emotional. I got satellite TV and I'm relaxing and watching TV and all of the sappy movies are getting to me.

[AtTheEnd?]

CTH,

Do you think once the "spark" is gone, that it's gone forever?

[ClingingToHope]

AtTheEnd -- No. I don't. I think the spark goes out for a while and can come back if you stay committed to each other.

I was thinking about this a bit over the weekend. I remember the look on STBXW's face our first five years together. She's always been unhappy with her life and searching for the MAGIC something that will make her happy.

The first five years together that was me. I could see it in her eyes. But for a long, long time, I'm the reason she's unhappy -- I could see that too.

I don't believe I'm the reason. She can't face her own deeper issues and instead blames me and may always blame me. She needs help. I blamed her for my unhappiness too -- so it goes both ways. It's only after being out of there that I realized what I had done to add to the problem.

That's too long of an answer to that question.

Email from STBXW from some schedule changes I asked for a month ago. I work these running races in the summer. Luckily, last year all but two were on weekends I didn't have the girls and STBXW switched with me so I could work them.

This summer, three are on weekends I have the girls and I need to switch. These races are the ONLY way I make ends meet in the spring through fall.

So I tried to put together a schedule where we got the girls an equal number of weekends with several switches.

STBXW rejected it. She only sees the need for two switches -- mother's day and father's day.

So I responded back that there are three weekends I have to work and I'm supposed to have the girls -- what does she propose?

Unfortunately, I'm in the financial position that if she refuses to switch I'll have to say, "fine, I can't take them those weekends. You get extra time with them."

After reading my email, I emailed my attorney and said not to wait until March, get a proposal to them ASAP. I want this over with.

[whatisis]

AtTheEnd --
After reading my email, I emailed my attorney and said not to wait until March, get a proposal to them ASAP. I want this over with.

Good man. It's one thing if waiting is not a huge issue for you but, in your case, it is! Getting this done will help you look forward rather than back.

[BobbiJo]

One word of caution...

You do realize you can't just say, "You get them on my weekends bc I have to work", right? I mean you have to ask and she has to agree. She may have other plans those weekends. Then if it is your weekend you will have to find someone to watch the girls while you are at your race, and you will have to pay them (unless you have family nearby to help).

I say this bc my ex travels 10 work days a month. Many fall on 'my' time so it doesn't matter. Some don't. I keep them 80% of the time when he is out of town but sometimes I am busy. So his parents keep them. Or he sends them to day care.

Basically what I am saying is ideally she agrees to switch with you but if she doesn't it is on you to figure out what do do on those weekends. Part of the crappy reality of divorce...

[ClingingToHope]

BobbiJo, I realize that, and I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. I'm hoping she just was put off by a long drawn out schedule. Hopefully, by just saying, "I have to work these three weekends, what do you propose?" she'll come up with some switches that work.

What [censored] is I don't WANT to do the races. I have to -- or I'm broke. STBXW knocked me off her insurance. That's $70 out of the paycheck. The feds gave me about a $40 bump, but Illinois raised its income taxes and took that away. And my company decided no raises for third straight year.

I am trying to hold on as tight as possible, but the races are the only things that put me over the top in those months. My sister called this one time. When I'm OK with my finances, I'm OK about this situation. When I'm feeling strapped then I get bitter.

I'm trying to just focus on today and the next two weeks and let the summer take care of itself. But it's hard.

Part of the proposal she'll be getting from us is that in the summer each of us is responsible for five weeks of childcare. I always take at least three weeks off in the summer and this year I plan on taking four. Under my proposal, then I'd just be responsible for one week of summer camp.

STBXW sent me her vacation weeks. She's taking just two weeks off and the second one is the same week as last year when she went to Sturgis with her motorcycle friends.

I think if she's not going to take vacation, she should have to pay for four weeks of summer camp. Otherwise it's double-dipping. I'm paying her child support even during the weeks I have them. Then I'd be splitting summer camp costs on her weeks so she can work/party.

Not sure how others handle summer camp costs.

I have that old "drained" feeling again, like I had when this all first started. It's been hanging over my head too long. Hopefully, the train picks up steam and this gets over with. I want to feel what it's like on the other side.