I posted here months ago, but I'll do a short recap. W left for deployment in June. Called me Aug8th saying she didn't know if she had the heart to work on our marriage. I found out the next week about her online EA with a OM she met in predeployment training.
I confronted and she said she wanted a D.
For the next few months I worked hard at applying Dr. Harley's concepts and MWD's GAL and 180's approaches.
A month ago she told me she still loved me, but I saw evidence she was still involved with OM.
about 2 weeks ago she started calling me almost every day and talking for 45 mins at a time. Talking about doing things together when she got home. I still refrained from ILY's and was always the first to hang up.
Monday she called me and told me ILY and that she wants to work on our marriage. Not just for the kids but because she didn't want to lose her best friend of over 9 years. She saw my changes from a distance and said that was all she had wanted all along. She even apologized for hurting me with the A. I honestly didn't see that one coming.
Tues she emailed OM and told him it was over and blocked him and any of his friends/family from FB and her email. OM didn't believe her, so she told him over Skype. She told me that he said he understood and would respect her decision. I'm not entirely happy with that but she did it all on her own and I can't make demands of her while she is so far away and 2 months from coming home. Just won't help anything.
Since then, she has been having a tough time with her withdrawls from the OM. She said she feels so alone. I know it's her bed she made and it wouldn't be fair to shield her from that, but it breaks my heart for her to be in so much pain and I really don't want her to backslide.
So my question is, How can I help her through this from such a long distance?
Me:29 SAHD civ milspouse WAW:29 Active Military, deployed till Dec 2010 2 children: S5&S3 Bomb 8,8,2010 DDay 8,15,2010 R talk Oct 18th NC sent Oct 19 In recovery?
If you have decided to take her back, fill the void. She needs to emotionally connect with you. She had an EA...the key word there is emotional. Validate that it is hard and you are proud of what she did. Validate that it is tough to talk about.
Be there, flirt with her (email, skype, phone calls, etc), be that best friend she doesn't want to lose, send her a care package, those kinds of things
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
