I'm excited to get home and delete all my access to her computer tonight. Also going to be fun because I won't help her with it anymore. Another step to real detachment
I came home tonight. SHe had done a ton of research on lawyers and apparently discoverdd that with out my help she wont be able to afford one. She started asking me if I intended to hire one. I told her it depended. SHe pressed the issue and told me she was going for a low cost alternative. ( IE DIY ) I didnt commit to anything and told her to do what she needed and I would respond how I needed.
She started to press me about money and taking control of the accounts. I told her it was my pay check and I would do what I needed with it. She said it was our money, and that she didnt trust me to share it that she felt she needed to keep an eye on it. I told her I had talked to a lawyer briefly and I knew I didnt have to give her squat other than whats nessecary to take care of the family because it was my paycheck.
She got really frustrated. I told her I didnt want to argue but thats just how it was. I said this is what you wanted, to be seperate, seperate people have seperate finances. She said I dont trust you to share the money.
I kept my cool.
I told her before I left that despite this that ultimateley I wanted her to be happy and I hope she gets what she needs for that.
This is the most shes taken action so far. I can tell shes stressed about the money.
Even though I played it cool there I am freaking out inside. I am at the gym working on my GAL.
Just got home from the gym. Told her I needed all the credit cards and passwords to them or I wasn't going to pay them. She was like why?
I said I wasn't going to pay for credt cards so she can just spend the money, She said she wasn't going to do that and that she needed something in her name. She is really deluded thinking that its our money still.
She said what about all the stuff you said when I was a house wife. I said that things have changed and shes not that anymore we're separate. We didn't yell or anything.
She thinks what I am doing is sneaky and underhanded.
I say good call. When a WAS is in the walk away mode, it doesn't matter what you do, it will be wrong. You could do exactly what she says, and still be wrong. If she needs money to support an affair, then she can earn it, or maybe OM will be willing to support it. If she wants the title of house wife back, then she needs to earn that too.
I just deleted all my access to her computer with her right in front of me. I removed all the monitoring software to. I don't want to know anymore. I feel so relieved and happy.
@SHocked... she doesn't know it yet but the OM got a girlfriend his own age on Halloween. I thought she found out today but its obvious she didn't. I am waiting to see what fallout will happen from that when she finds to this weekend.
I have to say this is the first time since the bomb I have ever really felt disgusted by her. I sincerely have doubts that I would want her back. I certainly would not want her back with our relationship the way it was.
I am free from the temptation of checking her computer! I am so stoked.
You gotta do whatever you think will keep you sane. Although, I am one that would have said keep your options open in that dept. You never know when you might need intel not on an A but on her D activities.
As far as the credit cards, if your name is on them, you have the right to change the passwords if she won't cooperate. I think you'll hear a lot more of the "abuse" mantra so just be sure you're taking care of the basics. Next time she says anything about being sneaky or underhanded, point out that you are telling her what you intend to do based on her actions. If she wants the benefits of being a housewife then she needs to act like a housewife.
Its definitely goingto be challanging going back to being in the dark but honestly I wasn't finding anything out I wasn't guessing already. Having that much access was driving me nuts though, every minute I was looking for a "sign" about what was going on in her head.
Today's going to be tough not knowing but I think its a big step towards true detachment.
This morning I really feel disgusted with her and I really want her to leave. I have no desire to work anything out.
Plus she lied to me trying to get money for a prepaid phone and I caught her in it. I haven't called her on it though I'm going to see how far she takes it.
