I would boldly say what you are doing isn't working. I will never understand why a man would stay with a woman who doesn't really want him there and then keep complaining about HER...
At some point Pin, this isn't about what or how she acts or treats you. After all NOBODY is forcing you to stay with her. At some point you need to come to the realization that this is now your OWN doing and you are getting exactly what you deserve.Complaining and venting and talking about it doesn't seem to be working and it is now as much your own fault for putting up with it as it is hers for dishing it out.
There is not one person forcing you ormaking you stay in a miserable situation. How sad.
I never said anyone was forcing me to stay here. I'm choosing to stay here, to stay in my home, to stay with my daughters for as much time as possible. My wife is free to leave any time she wants. I'm not holding her captive here. I'm not seeking sympathy from anyone, just trying to describe what's going on in case something is slipping past me since my perspective is biased.
I don't see that I am "getting exactly what you deserve." And I thought this forum was a place where people could vent their frustrations and hurt.
I'm not ignoring my wife. I talk to her as much as possible, without pursuing. I'm not bringing up R talks, and when she talks to me, I'm validating and listening as best as I can. I'm spending a lot of time with my daughters, trying to enjoy life instead of being bitter. I'm exercising, going to church, working hard at my jobs, living life.
Yes I wish my wife was happier; I have a lot of empathy for her situation, for how she feels. But it's not my job to make her happier; nor to manipulate her so she is happier.
And yes, I wish my wife still loved me; but that's not something I can create out of thin air. Her attraction to me has been lost over the years, and I can't cold-heartedly kick her out of our home, even if it was legally possible. She'll either find enough reasons to stay, (and hopefully enough happiness to make it livable) or she'll move out. She's free. No rope to drop on my end. I'm not holding on at all...
W was upset this morning when I was helping get our Ds ready for church. She said "I don't know what you want me to do." while they were in the shower. I asked her what she meant, and what she wanted me to do.
She said that she's been asking me to be more involved with the family, to stop spending so much time on the computer, to pay more attention to her. And that she felt like I was butting in on things/activities with our daughters. That I thought she was a bad mother.
I said I thought she was a great mother, and that if I had made her feel like I was jumping in too much, I was sorry.
Church was uneventful, and while waiting for Sunday School to finish, we didn't have much conversation.
Good morning Pinhead, just stopping by to send you my support. These last couple posts are fairly significant, don't you think? Just wanted to encourage you too, to not assume that your wife's feelings for you will never come back, even though they've been lost through the years. It just takes so much darn time Pinhead.
I know I've shared with you that I thought my love for my H was gone too. Don't know if I've shared though, how LONG it took and how hard the experience was. It was a full 10 months of me working really hard - monthly or twice-monthly visits to a therapists to talk it out, plus reading everything I could get my hands on and posting here regulary - before I started feeling 'in love' with my H again. It was really painful and I had to look deeply at myself and my background - it was exhausting, and still can be at times.
I think you're doing great Pinhead... just try to be patient... don't give up on her; I DO agree with the others not to just roll over and let her use you; but just want to encourage you to keep an open mind. It can take a long, long time.
Originally Posted By: pinhead
She said that she's been asking me to be more involved with the family, to stop spending so much time on the computer, to pay more attention to her. And that she felt like I was butting in on things/activities with our daughters. That I thought she was a bad mother.
I said I thought she was a great mother, and that if I had made her feel like I was jumping in too much, I was sorry.
This is a great interaction, don't you think?... especially that she's wanting more attention. What do you think about that?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
The conversation where she wanted me to pay more attention to her was really just a litany of her complaints about my behaviour in the past. She was just feeling bad/inadequate as a mother; for example, our daughters just had their ears pierced, and the ears need to be cleaned 2x a day. W hurts the girls when she cleans their posts, so they prefer me to do it.
Good morning Pinhead, just stopping by to send you my support. These last couple posts are fairly significant, don't you think? Just wanted to encourage you too, to not assume that your wife's feelings for you will never come back, even though they've been lost through the years. It just takes so much darn time Pinhead.
I know I've shared with you that I thought my love for my H was gone too. Don't know if I've shared though, how LONG it took and how hard the experience was. It was a full 10 months of me working really hard - monthly or twice-monthly visits to a therapists to talk it out, plus reading everything I could get my hands on and posting here regulary - before I started feeling 'in love' with my H again. It was really painful and I had to look deeply at myself and my background - it was exhausting, and still can be at times.
I think you're doing great Pinhead... just try to be patient... don't give up on her; I DO agree with the others not to just roll over and let her use you; but just want to encourage you to keep an open mind. It can take a long, long time.
FMV, how do we know whether or not our W's are working on this? I am currently separated (only 2 months) and I see no movement at all towards reconciliation from her.
