when was script is not script

[Jstar]

Here is a question:

I am a poster for over a year, previous threads under i want to be part of the group.

after a year of seperation, no reconciliation, no divorce filed, how much do you take as what spouse is saying is script or just who he is?

asked h, when are you going to file, his response, i thought you did, mine no you want this you file. h response i will file tomorrow. weeks pass and no filing.

h wanted in my house, to get something he left behind, after a year, my response you don't know if it is there, it's gone, his response see that's why i don't want to be married to you, i can't wait till we are divorced.

so whath appens last night i dream of him, he confessed he slept with 5 girls, 2 in vegas, 2 in his truck and don't remember the other, he hugs me, i felt warmth, and someone chimed in as a dber, don't move so fast, make him work for you. yeah all a dream.

i can not stand i think of him, miss him, the memories, seeing him 2-3 times a day.

i'm content happy all day, smiling, joking laughing enjoying, then bewitching hours come, in the am for drop off/pick up, when d gets out of school in afternoon before lunch and then again at end of the day. my mood changes, i feel ugly, my smile fades.

i can not stand to look at him, talk to him, anything! i am disgusted to how immature he is, he goes skiing no regards for kids, he gambles, drinks, whatever his little heart desires.

[ShockedOne]

So what you're saying at this point is he is GAL. Something you need to do so you are no longer concerning yourself with him. When my XW would ask for things, I would simply say "you have taken everything out of this home that was yours. There is nothing in this home that belongs to you anymore".

[Jstar]

i think there is gal and there is shunning off your parental responsibilities. i believe that is what he has done.

[sgctxok]

Hi jstar,

What is your goal? What do you want?

sg

[Jstar]

my goal is to share my life with the father of my 2 children, to have mutal respect and value one another, to begin.

[Jstar]

last week, we were okay with one another. okay as in there was no yelling until friday. we sort of casually batted around a family activity, i did not invite he kind of assumed since d3 wants him to go it was an invite.

i posed it to him as how would you deal with this when d3 wants you to do things with us, ride in my car, etc. he said he would tell her that he doesn't love mommy so no. omg my heart just keeps breaking. so wed he had to get to work and promised, actual words out of his mouth, thursday when i am off from work we will talk more about how to deal with this situation, so guess what thursday comes, he kisses d3 bye, closes her car door and leaves, i went off. i have not spoken but a few words since.

he could give a crap. so then today he brings me lunch....on the afternoon pick up, i ask why do you bring me food, his response, well, i got it for d3, and me, i told him don't bring me anything.

anything he does in that matter or gesture leads me on, i let it, but it is so hard not to as michelle says look at small stuff. i just can not take it. oh yeah he also said, oh well i know school lunches stink and i didn't want to be such a jerk.

[ShockedOne]

my goal is to share my life with the father of my 2 children, to have mutal respect and value one another, to begin.

How are you with respecting yourself? I only ask this because, if you are not respecting yourself, he will see it and will in return not give you respect. It sounds to me like he is just simply skating through. Do you have any boundaries put in place for him? Are there any consequences for his bad behavior?

[DanF]

Believe nothing that they say and only half of what you see.

Id doesn't sound to me like he WANTS to get divorced.

I don't know what else to tell you, I am dying here myself.....

[Jstar]

Okay this is where I have the most trouble. History is that this same time last year I set boundaries, example, when you hang up onme on the phone i feel disrespected, until you demonstrate the ability to control your feelings, we will communicate via email.

that's just an example of some of the "type" boundaries I have set. he didn't respect them. i followed through with the consequences and at this time i have no clue what/how to set any.

lets say problem making promises and then not following through on them.
or not providing his work schedule on monday, or not deposting the $ until days after he's been paid.

I've given him a natural consequence of when when he forgot the car seats, he had to drive back home to get them. i would not let him borrow mine.

i need advice on how to set a boundary and follow through, i can not take him away from watching the kids while i work.

[Jstar]

I think at this moment he is so cake eating. he just goes to work, has every night and weekend free/ even though he does work till midnight or later, on his days off he has no responsibilities.

just like when he is watching the kids he really isn't. his over baring mother is in the house, cooks/cleans/launders, everything for him. he leaves the kids with her all the time.

i would have a consequence of having the kids with him on nights or weekends but he works and even if he didn't he wouldn't stay home with them, he'd just leave them with his mom to continue on with his lifestyle.

i agree that it doesn't appear he wants a divorce, bythe actions of lunch no filing. i'm lost.