Feeling a little introspective this evening....most of the day actually.
First, I realized by mid afternoon on Sunday that although I had a great time with golfguy Saturday night/Sunday morning, I really don't feel like I would care either way if I saw him again. That seems kind of messed up...
So I pieced it out. And here's the deal.
He's nice, polite, and touchy in a good way, like putting his hand on my leg at the comedy club, holding my hand when we were walking places, etc. I have been pretty much starved for affection for 3 years + so that is all good for me.
He is safe bc I have known him since I was in fifth grade, not some random guy off the internet.
He and I have mutual friends. So he brings to the table that social networking that I lack. Our three dates have been two parties with groups of friends, and then this double date w/my cousin and his wife. So much fun to laugh and talk with other people. It is just plain easier (for me anyway) to socialize as part of a couple. A few of my high school friends who live in town post pictures on facebook about once a month of parties they have had--they are all 'couple's' parties. Hanging out w/GG gives me entrance into those things.
But those aren't really reasons to date a guy, and it makes me feel pretty shallow just writing it out.
I don't regret going out with him, or making out like crazy with him, or even snuggling up on the couch together. It felt good and after 3 years, I wanted to do it, so I did.
But I really don't see it developing. I could, because of all the things I wrote above, but in the end none of those things are specific, to him....
Meanwhile other guy on Match who has been emailing me asked me to talk on the phone last night. I was tied up with Sydney bouncing out of bed and I replied back that I would like to talk, but it was not a good night as I was herding my D to bed. He actually replied that he was glad to know my kids are priority one, as his kids are to him. So he seems to have it together which is nice. And he is more physically my 'type' than GG. So I think I will call him tonight.
But beyond him not sure how much more venturing I want to do for now...need to make sure my priorities are in order and I know what I am looking for. I would say GG was/is probably more just to 'scratch an itch' so to speak, after all this single time...
(((((BobbiJo))))) Guess what? I think that all made perfect sense! I don't think there's any surprise that you are feeling exactly what you are feeling. There's no reason to think that you would "click" with the first guy you go out with. Or the second or third, even! You could, but I think you'd be beating the odds.
But it seems totally reasonable that you'd still appreciate the attention and affection. Don't beat yourself up!
Trying not to be too hard on myself, dr! Just want to be clear on how I feel so I don't lead him on. When I left I told him I had a great time, and I did, but I think more so because of the fun things we were doing.
Just got off the phone after an hour and 45 minutes with banker/new match guy. Found out in our talk that he is a loan officer. He has two teenage daughters and is very dedicated to them so he respects my need to be active in my kids' lives. There wasn't really a lull in conversation till we realized it was midnight, and we needed to get up in the morning!
As we left it, we will keep in contact and just see when our schedules will line up. He asked about Weds because that is my consistent free night, but it is not this week.
Forgot to mention that...Dan is having knee surgery tomorrow so I get to keep the kids. Told him I would take them over to visit briefly on Thursday though. He has to be on crutches for a while and can't kneel or jog and a few other things...his mom and dad are taking him for surgery and bringing him home so he is good to go.
First, I realized by mid afternoon on Sunday that although I had a great time with golfguy Saturday night/Sunday morning, I really don't feel like I would care either way if I saw him again. That seems kind of messed up...
That's not messed up. It sounds like you are a woman who knows what she wants. Life it too short to waste time. Did you tell GG yet that you don't want to see him again?
I commend you for realizing it sooner rather than later.
First, I realized by mid afternoon on Sunday that although I had a great time with golfguy Saturday night/Sunday morning, I really don't feel like I would care either way if I saw him again. That seems kind of messed up...
That's not messed up. It sounds like you are a woman who knows what she wants. Life it too short to waste time. Did you tell GG yet that you don't want to see him again?
I commend you for realizing it sooner rather than later.
Hugs!
Nope, and that's the part where I feel bad, I guess. Because all through the evening I was having a great time. And obv I chose to have a serious makeout session with him when we got back to the house. And a few hours after I left he sent a text thanking me for coming up and I replied that I had a great time. At that point I realized I did not have any urge to say, "Let's do it again", so I didn't. He texted me Monday night hoping I had a nice day, and I replied back an hour later with a "Yep I did hope you did too" or something, but I left it at that and have not initiated any more communication. Hoping it fizzles out. Heck it was two months since the time I saw him before this, and five months between the first two times, so I don't think he would expect an immediate follow up date anyway...
Meanwhile new match guy (can't think of a good name, banker didn't fit, I think I will go with sports guy bc he likes to watch college games) texted me mid-morning saying he enjoyed talking to me last night and looks forward to meeting me when our schedules line up. He already said that w/two daughters (13 & 18) he is moving sloooow, and I agreed given I have two little people at home. I think maybe Thanksgiving weekend we may hit a college basketball or hockey game in Omaha.
Ok time to eat. I am starting to have food fatigue, need to mix it up with my trainer when we meet. Getting sick of sweet potatoes, corn, and broccoli..
BBJ, I bet GG didn't flex his biceps right...I don't blame you. Hey let me know if you're running out of those pics I can send you some- you won't be disappointed. I can send you Arnold's, Stallone, Johnny Depp...or Obama's. Take your pick.
Seriously though I can sorta relate. I don't know if you remember but when I went out with a couple of girls a while back it wasn't that great for me either. The girls were nice but I had a few 'what am I doing here?' moments. I couldn't wait for it to be over. But later on I realized it was because one I wasn't very attracted to these girls (they're both pretty but just not my type) and two because I was expecting a deeper connection which didn't happen- probably a good thing! I didn't make out with them but one of them was very eager to have me over, go out with me again etc but I just couldn't do it so I let it die.
You learn from every experience and grow. You can't expect to meet the first or second person and fall madly in love with them. Which I think is a good thing because it shows you're not needy and you're not making poor choices just because you want someone to fill the hole in our lives.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
[quote=soleil][quote=BobbiJo]Ok time to eat. I am starting to have food fatigue, need to mix it up with my trainer when we meet. Getting sick of sweet potatoes, corn, and broccoli..
I think its hard to be attracted to someone if you are still processing all the junk from the D AND trying to be a good parent. Even if Golf guy walked on water, you might only be up for a date every so often and maybe a few dates with someone else in between times. Maybe that's all you need for now.
I tried to see someone who really was a gem, but I just didn't have it in me yet. Too much to juggle, not enough time to see him without having him hang out with the kids...and they are not ready. When I brought up a possible meeting at the dinner table, my ten year old told me emphatically "Mom, if he likes you, you better dump him." And I realized that my 10 year old has more sense than me! I really like having someone to hang out with every once in awhile, but I'm in no way ready for a serious "relationship" yet. BBJ, maybe you could have liked him more if he liked you less. Too much pressure.
