Thank for reply. I feel h and i have grown further apart for the past 4 mos because i stopped calling him. I spoke to Laurie about 3 mos ago and she told me to continue to call h once in awhile because h always seemed like he wanted to talk. Now i think he is so distant from me because i stopped calling and i blame myself for making things worse not calling him. I dont want to d him, but he has such a spending addiction it worries me.
I don't think i could handle going thru d, i think i would have a nervous breakdown. Im a very nervous person. But im afraid of losing my house if I wait to long.
I am constantly thinking about this situation. I feel like i can't go on sometimes. I feel i have no future . I have no support system or anyone to call when i get really depressed. i feel bad for my son, that i'm so weak, it's destroying our relationship. ?
Rysmom- I peek at your thread every once in awhile, so forgive me for offering my opinion without having a lot of background info to go on.
You need to stop feeding yourself these thoughts. That you can't go on, that you are not strong enough for this, that you don't have a support system, that you won't be able to handle losing your house - yes you will, yes you will, yes you will.
I can completely relate to where you are coming from. I am a very nervous person as well. I have dealt with anxiety issues my whole life. I was blindsided by my husband's affair in June. I am 1,000 miles away from family. Everyone loves my husband. We are both teachers, we share students. I have to hear at least once a week how wonderful he is. He is having his affair with another teacher. He left me. I am losing my house, I am changing jobs, I have had to give up friends, and family.
When it first happened I thought, " Well this is it, this will be the end of me. I am not strong enough to make it through something like this."
But I did. I started by just getting out of bed every morning for my son. Taking my son places when I was afraid to leave the house. Each moment that I pushed through the " I don't think I can do this" was another gain in stregnth. Every time I told myself I felt like I don't have a support system, I reminded myself that I can get one.
Please know what you are telling yourself is not true. You can find people. You can be a person that your son respects. You can be happy without this man. I think this limbo is killing you. You need to start experiencing the amazing life that you can have.
I have read parts of your thread. You seem like you have a lot more going for you than I do, and I am navigating my way through this. I am very sad some days, but many days I am very happy. And I am alone. Raising a 2 year old, while my husband is still with the OW.
I don't know if you are doing this,but sign up for the divorce care emails. I know that you are a spiritual person and they are amazing. They will help you know that you can make this. Your self worth is not determined by this man, it is determined by God and he loves and thinks that you are an amazing person. God will take care of you. He will send you what you need. And you don't need this man.
Remember also that the panic attacks and the depression are just feelings. They feel awful but they won't stop you from doing what you want to do unless you let them. You can feel the panic and depression and still do what you need to do and that is how you gain strength. I know b/c I did it. I suffer from panic attacks too. Don't anymore. They don't scare me. I know that they won't stop me from doing anything that I want to do.
As far as your financial future. Stop worrying. That is what I have learned to do. It is a mess for me as well. What can you do? Let each day come and survive it. Deal with the problem when it hits you head on. Don't anticipate it.
Again, I know exactly where you are coming from. I know how debillitating the anxiety and depression can be. I have felt exactly the way you felt. This is why I am so compelled to post b/c I know you don't HAVE to feel thisy way. You are at a fork and it is a choice. You can continue to feed these feelings or go the other direction and things WILL get better. Please sign up for the divorce care emails. They will help.
Thanks for your reply. You said i have a lot going on for me, in what way did you mean? Im sorry you are going through this. It must be difficult with your son being so young. thank God you have him though. That's great that you are a teacher. I wish i had gotten my degree and could support myself. Im going to take my son for his tennis tryout today. He is going for his license wed. which makes me sad. I enjoy driving him places and im going to worry like crazy when he is out driving, and im going to miss him. He is a great kid though i can trust him. He goes to a really good catholic high school, thank God. I did go to divorce care but it was kind of far away, and i dont like to leave my son alone a lot. There is another group tonight maybe ill go. I get nervous going to new groups. I wish you lived nearby and we could be friends and help each other. God bless you and you son.
Rysmom, the point I was trying to make to you i this. You are suffering from major depression, you don't want to do anything, you are not moving forward with your life, and all you do is sit around and think about them 24/7. What possible difference would a divorce make in the way you feel? On top of all of this, you H is spending or hiding all of your money. Let me ask this, is there anything that you see preventing him from being with this OW?
