So my w sends me an email that she has no money and no presents for the kids. She feels aweful about it and she doesnt know what to do. She has her computer that she would like to give the kids and then it could be put on the desk and I could have my laptop back. I did tell her this would be okay.
My question is, do i put her name on some presents I bought the children?
I feel that i am having her at the house for christmas as its the best thing for my kids. I dont think it would be good for them to open up presents from Daddy and nothing from Mommy. I dont want her to be singled out. I especially dont want it to look like i am gloating and saying see, i took care of the kids. Your actions show that you dont care.
So I feel like putting her name on some of them would help her feel more a part of the family. It would show her that I still care about her image to my children, and that i still do care about her indirectly of course.
So what do other people think of this course of action?
I am no expert, but I would put her name on some presents.
My wifes birthday was in November, and my 5 y/o wanted to get her a bracelet with hearts, so when I took them shopping, I let him pick out what they wanted....it meant the world to my boys (it was not expensive, but more than I wanted to spend).
Not sure if that story has any meaning, but I guess I am trying to say it's all about the kids.
I hope this helps.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
So I feel like putting her name on some of them would help her feel more a part of the family. It would show her that I still care about her image to my children, and that i still do care about her indirectly of course.
I agree.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
It seems to me your impulse to see that your children get some gifts from your wife is very well intentioned and I respect that.
On the other hand, I think giving anyone a gift on behalf of someone else without that person's knowledge and agreement could easily be seen as patronizing and lead to resentment.
Is this something you could talk to your wife about?
It seems to me your impulse to see that your children get some gifts from your wife is very well intentioned and I respect that.
On the other hand, I think giving anyone a gift on behalf of someone else without that person's knowledge and agreement could easily be seen as patronizing and lead to resentment.
Is this something you could talk to your wife about?
I agree--worth talking through. Could save a LOT of drama later.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
So I feel like putting her name on some of them would help her feel more a part of the family. It would show her that I still care about her image to my children, and that i still do care about her indirectly of course.
I agree.
I agree, that this shows some caring, but if you can check with her first, it will be best.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Good idea to check your wife's perspective on it. This way you make it about your kids and their feelings and not your own. Just my 2 cents.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Initially, I was thinking that you should not bail her out of this one and put her name on any gifts. But, I went back and re-read your thread to make sure where things stand.
No matter if you put her name on things or not. She will know that she didn't do anything. Eventually, when your kids are older they will figure things out too. They will appreciate the fact that you cared enough about them to do it. Because in the end, this one is really about your kids not your W.
So, talk it over with your W so your on the same page. Then decide what feels right to you. You've had really good instincts so far.
