Looking at a few picture last night. Some recent ones of my H recently & some from before OW & bomb came into his life. Really hit be how different he looks. These photos are less than a year apart.
Hi Zen, What an awesome post you put on Cat4554's thread! I am really
stunned when I see the women here post the way you do. I see how
long you have been going through your sitch and really see a woman
who is moving in a great direction for herself. I have been
reading some of your thread and I think you are doing really
well in your understanding of this IMHO. It is amazing the
strength the LBS has to have when they see what is happening
in their families and the steps they have to take for the
sanity of themselves and their kids. As horrible as our
situations are, it is great to be the LBS. I can't imagine
being the MLC'r and thank God that WE get the LBS part of the
journey.
WS
DITTO!!!! Your words helped me Zen....just keep rereading what you wrote to me. It is hard. God I thought this nightmare was going to be all over. I feel blessed that I have a job I love. Going to work actually makes me HAPPY !!! Plus I joined the YMCA and started working out. A lot of free time on my hands wasn't good for me. Heck, my shape isn't bad for a 56 year old but now it will only get better. Please focus on you and your daughter but you first, then it will follow naturally for your daughter.
Sounds like you have some great things going on to take care of yourself. It took me a while, but I have been able to take care of myself. The people on this board have helped me a great deal. Keep coming here to post. It can be a lifesaver.
Right now I'm chompin' at the bit to go pick up my girl from daycare. Its her first day back after 3 days with daddy. Cant's wait to get her back with me.
Your D is sooo young, huh. This must REALLY be tough on you and her. My sons are adults, 27 & 23. I feel lucky that this nightmare is happening now vs. when they were so young. Wish I knew the words to comfort you ZEN. I sure hope you have family & friends as your support group, my friends were THE BEST. I treated them all to dinner on their birthdays to say THANK YOU.
You seem like a wise person who needs to follow her own advice. I know that is easier said than done.
I am getting more & more convinced that my husband has a mental problem that only got worse as he hit his 50's. He always was a Jerkyll / Hyde with me and only me.
Thanks, and yes, it is way easier said than done. Right now I'm really happy to see less of my H. Catch is that my D needs contact with both of us. I'm doing better at being emotionally detached, but its still kind of new.
I wish my girl was big like your 2 boys. At least my H is trying with her.
Watching James and the Giant Peach while eating dinner. Tonight, I am a verry happy mommy.
Had a lovely time with my girl tonight. I’m so happy to have her home! If her behavior tonight was any indicator, the lumped together time may be the way to go for her. Doubt her daddy will be able to keep up 3 in a row after the restaurant opens, but for now it is ok.
H was pretty consistent about having D call me. Tonight he even called early for his bedtime call to D because he was on a break. Usually he seems to make it a point to tell me he has to go quickly because he is so busy. He spent most of his call talking to me this time though.
Has the same schedule next week, and asked to do dinner again like last time. That surprised me, but it did work well for D. I will assume that is why he wants to have dinner together, not that he wants to see me.
H is also insisting on buying me an iPhone. I had given in a while back, but he had forgotten. That was fine, but my phone is about to go out. Mentioned I was just going to get a free one from the phone plan, and H asked if it would be ok if he could get a good deal. I said ok, but only if it was a cheap refurbished one. Tonight he tells me he is getting one at a discount and will be using his tip money to do it.
Using his tip money is new. Not sure what to make of it.
Whatever is going on with my H, I’m ok. I’m getting what I want most right now, and that is more contact with my D.
Hi Zen Wow! An iphone.....nice!!! Lucky you Going out with some friends to dinner tonight, so H is taking S overnight for the first time in months.
I can't figure out if he feels like he doesnt deserve to have S with him, or if he doesnt want S overnight...but it sure is strange, and only because I needed him too.
He seems to be happy about it, and keeps txting in big capital letters 'ITS NO ISSUE WHATSOEVER'...still can't figure out why it has to be in capital letters.
Anyway...soooo can't wait to have some dinner out!!
As far as your H seeming happy to keep S overnight and texting you all caps 'ITS NO ISSUE WHATSOEVER,' he probably is happy to have S. Do you think he thinks you don't think he can handle it? Could be him just projecting his own worries on to you, but its a thought.
My H blamed me for thinking he was incompetent, but that wasn't the case. He never seemed to WANT D, so I just did things myself. Why force someone else to do what I like doing?
Anyway, I really had to get the ball rolling with him taking D for overnights and step back. With the exception of OW exposure (yuck!) he reall has done great. This had been good for my D3 too. Their relationship is strong now, and I am happy about that.
Don't know if that would apply to your sitch, but thought I'd throw it out there.
As far as that iPhone, it is cool. Probably more guilt motivated than anything else, but him insisting on using his tip money seemes odd to me. He had my ok to use the joint account, so I'm not sure what he is up to. He has some big intimacy issues, and buying things is one way he likes to try to connect.
Probably will restate that it is ok for him to use the account for the phone, but will drop it if he wants to do things this way. Just surprises me since he is only earning tip money, no paychecks at all anymore.
Just got a quick minute to journal. Have my girl home again. She is doing great, and I'm in a good place for now.
Maybe it is the new schedule being all lumped together, but she is more calm tonight and was last night too. Hopefully we can keep the lumped together days going for her. Even aranging more dinner visits if needed would be fine.
I think maybe a lot of my confusion and anger have been my frustion about my D beming so sad and nothing I could do about it.
Anyway, going to try to catch up on a few threads before I crash. Have all day holidaying scheduled tomorrow!
