I have been reading these boards for several weeks now. I have tried to post my own topic before, but it never showed, so I am going to try again.
My sitch is I found out 3 weeks ago I discovered my husband of 20 years has been having an affair for 6 months or more. H moved out to his parents, we have not discussed the A. H has confirmed it, but that is all. He doesn't talk to me, he acts like he is mad at me. We do have a D16 so we do have some interactions. He is actively in A and I have found out that he is looking for a place for he and OW. I know that I need to act like things are okay with me and I am GAL, it is very hard.
One question I have is that I asked him what he missed the most about our R & he said 'talking, nothing serious, just talking.' So, I am occasionally initiating conversations about his job and how things are going. But it is not frequent, twice in 3 weeks. He hasn't really initiated any with me, so is this okay, I want to do a 180 by talking with him more, but he doesn't ask about me or D16, (I also lost my job one week after H moved out)
Thank you,
Lorie
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
One question I have is that I asked him what he missed the most about our R & he said 'talking, nothing serious, just talking.' So, I am occasionally initiating conversations about his job and how things are going.
This is good, if you can keep and build your friendship. I am glad you haven't overdone it yet. I know you want to jump in more, but you do have to let him set the pace a bit.
What is really good is that you seem to be sensitive to his pace.
We are here to help you, so hang in there. I know your first few posts take longer to show, and I apologize for that, but it will appear. Eventually it will go more quickly.
Well, he is deeply in the A, and I am trying to be a friend, but he never initiates the conversation. I am trying really hard to just let him be, but I miss him so much and that is what hurts the most. I will keep being positive when I am around him and asking questions about how things are going.
Reading the boards is so helpful, but at times it is depressing to see how long everything seems to take.
Lorie
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I understand, Lorie, it's different for everyone. Most of the folks who get quick results do not stick around the board. It would be helpful if they did, but it isn't what they do. You can can get help from the board, but you cannot determine your own relationship by the relationships of other folks on the board.
I am getting lots of help from the board. I really wish everyone lived in my head to keep me strong. I had a thought today that my husband will eventually think I am all okay and decide it will be okay to ask for the D! UGH!! I need to get these thoughts out of my head. I just want him to fall in love with me again.
Lorie
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Well,I made a big oops! I took my D to see the theatre show my H was in last night, and I started to text my friend about frustrating it was and venting to her. Later after I got home I realized those texted went to H! He didn't respond or anything. I did send him a text and said I was sorry I sent those to the wrong person. The texts were not very nice and I really hoped he understood that I am on an emotional roller coaster these days. He never responded. Oh well! I feel like I just pushed him farther away.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Most of the folks who get quick results do not stick around the board. It would be helpful if they did, but it isn't what they do.
the people who do get quick results do stay around, I have been here for over two years. most of us who did reconcile cannot post because the advice we give does not jive with all of the db mantra. so after being edited, deleted and having posts held up alot of successful dbers have moved on.
Quote:
You cannot can get help from the board
I did. it might be true now.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
That's great coach--some do--most don't. And as you already know, I was responding to her feeling of overwhelming hopelessness in Newcomers.
So Coach--if you were a quick success using DB principles, and you're willing--why not use your knowledge of the principles in Divorce Remedy to help. I noticed you are not a frequent poster at this time--as I've noted with the quick successes--but welcome your DB/DR input.
I am no longer willing. Because a lot of the principles that were important and worked did not come soley from DB/DR and those principles aren't welcome here anymore. So if I can only post DB/DR mantra then let everyone just read the book and call a coach. My time is better spent elsewere. Thanks for asking.
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
