Okay Mila, forgive me the slight hijack here, but Shantilly. If you have custody of your kids over Christmas, that doesn't include custody of the H, does it? Are you going with him over to his apartment when he takes the kids for Boxing Day? That should be comfortable. I understand you wanting to include him for Xmas for the kids sake, but three days???
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Yupeee we are here. The drive yesterday took over 3 hours instead of the ussual 2...the traffic to get out of the city was horrible Friday afternoon. While I was still driving received 2 calls from H...which I didn't answer. The he started texting D...asking if we are OK. When we arrived I returned his call...apparently he was worried, wanted to know if we are OK, started asking how the trip was, was there lots of snow etc....I kept the convo short, but very upbeat...told him that I have to run...I'm sure he wished he was here with us. Had fun last night....hot tubing and then to a pub...went to bed after 2am...planning to have more fun today
Punkin...gift of popcorn to H would be a nice inside joke lol. But seriously, him coming over for Xmas presents another challenge...should I get him a Xmas gift? I'm thinking that I should get something...but nothing personal...thinking a book and a nice picture frame with D's picture that he can display in his place. I would even give him a box of my xmas cookies to take with him....he loves them so much....but don't perticulary want OW eating them lol.
Shanilly - seems like you H wants to have it all as well.... Punkin has a point, if it upsets you to have him around so much don't do it...set boundaries...they don't have to get everything they want...
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I think your idea of a frame is certainly nice, and enough. If you have to buy him a book, buy him a self help manual. LOL Christmas cookies? Let OW fix him his stinkin' cookies. You wouldn't want him to get the idea he was special, or anything, would you?
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
No he takes the girls 3 days after Xmas to his place. Sorry not explaining too well. Partly custody partly the fact I'm working. Truthfully part of me wants him home for Xmas but another part thinks he's taking advantage and shouldn't. The part that wants him there wins out for the girls, for me and in part to stick it to ow.
Thank you punkin, chantilly and Glam Punkin - at times I feel the same as you do...let OW bake him his stinkin Xmas cookies lol...and BTW I was planning to buy him a self help book...
Chantilly - sorry I misunderstood....I thought that you were spendit all this time all together as a family...
Glam - thank you for you advice....I will get him a gift since he is coming over, I probably wouldn't if he wasn't...
Told D today that H is coming for Xmas Eve...she said that he told her already and also told her that he is very happy that I've invited him.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Glad we are on the same page. Does this mean the self-help book is back on the shopping list? Or maybe a gift certificate for sensitivity classes? Membership in the Oprah Book of the Month Club? Any helpful suggestions here?
Punkin - Thank you....sensitivity classes sound good
Back home...had a great weekend....lots of good times with D....wish I could stay there over Xmas....wouldn't have to deal with H....
No word to me or D from H since Friday when he checked that we arrived OK...but OW arrived on Saturday...so I guess he was preoccupied. D told me that he invited her and her BF to dinner on the 26th...she doesn't know if OW will be part of it or not.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
As for gifts, I did get my H a gift. I spent almost nothing--I had a gift card to Michaels craft store and the thing was on sale so it was practically free. I got him an art set with oil paints and watercolor pencils because he was saying that he was painting as his form of "therapy." I wanted to support that. He picked the gift up the last he was at the house and already said thank you but didn't open it yet. A few days later I got very angry at him (the anger has started to surface, yeah!) and then I regretted giving it to him figuring that he didn't deserve anything from me, that my kindness and acceptance and my leaving him alone were a bigger gift by far than he ever deserved! But now it's a few days later and I'm like, whatever. Too late now.
The gift thing is tough, I agree. I figured the gift I gave was meaningful but not THAT meaningful. But I seriously doubt there will be anything given next year. At this point we are severed and have no contact at all.
Well just want you to know I'm thinking of you and hope things go well with your situation this week.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
I have gotten my H a few gifts. One from each child and one from me. Nothing meaningful, just being nice. I know that he and the kids have gotten me several things as well.
I dont hear much from my H on the weekends either Mila. [censored] how they talk to us so much more when the OW isnt around....same pattern for me and him as it was with the previous OW.
Glad you had a good weekend! Hope the weeks goes just as well.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
