H's MLC - finding compassion and forgiveness

[kissak]

lol, I have NO idea what word they censored there...that was weird~

[iluvme55]

this brings to mind when my husband wanted to introduce his O/W to our daughter,he was very sneaky about it...they were having dinner that day spent the afternoon together then he tells her at some point...'you know who is going to be there for dinner dont you?.....after that daughter ran out of the restaurant he chased after her screaming and yelling and say the F word to out daughter
I guess he thought our daughter would be fine with it....if this were any other woman I would encourage our daughter to visit him and have a relationship with him.
As long as it is her this will never happen with the children they will never accept HER....
just an fyi.....glad to hear you had a great time with d.....

[Mila]

Thank you Antonia, Kissak & Ilike

Still didn't get any presents for H....have some ideas, but don't want to get him anything personal, or clothing, or expensive....we will see what I get....not much time left, better get it done soon lol

Ilike - if H has OW there for that dinner with D, I would be upset because that would sure be a lousy Xmas present to D...but nothing I can do...we will see.

Got an email from H that he has some business papers that he needs to give me, but doesn't want to put it in the mailbox (don't know why not), can he come over to give it to me?....I replied OK, so he came.

I had Xmas music playing in the house, baking....bit of Xmas atmosphere...invited him in because he started talking about the timing on the day we are going to see his dad. Said that he has a business luncheon on that day, so he will be rushed to get there....I said which client wants to do a luncheon so close to Xmas? H replied "you don't know them"....right...such an obvious lie, he even looked like he was lying...probably has something planned with OW....see that he still has the need to lie to me.

Then he asked me if I want him to come over on the 24th and help me to get ready for Xmas Eve dinner that I invited him for....I said NO that's OK, I'll be scrambling, bu I'll manage, just come at 7pm.

H also asked about our weekend away, told him how much fun we had with D...yup he looked like he wished that he was there with us.

I was cheerful, smiling, happy and confident...H looked down, unhappy, emotions barely contained, but managed to give me a sad smile when he was leaving...

[Mila]

Journaling -

I've been Xmas baking and getting ready for the holidays....Tonight we are all three going to my FIL's...H requested by email that D & I pick him up...

Yesterday D went to pick up something at H's place...said the OW was there....didn't volunteer more and I didn't ask....but I must say it upsets me when D is exposed to the 2 of them together...trying not to think about that...wipe that woman out of my mind....

Late last night I posted some pictures of D & I from our ski weekend on FB...and promptly early this morning H commented on how great we both look....(I wonder if OW was right beside him when he was doing that...doubt it...maybe she was in the shower or still sleeping)

2 more emails from H this morning.....1st email - he is volunteering in a political campaign and asking me if would I like to get involved as well????
2nd email - Do I have a Xmas card for his Dad or should he go and get one?....

Really...he has OW with him in a tiny apartment and still finds a way to keep talking to me....is she OK with that?...I doubt that she knows....

I really don't know what to think about his behavior....does he just think that we are all going to be one big happy family while he carries on with OW?....or is he just that confused....if he was done with us would he be trying to keep me involved in his life?....very confusing.....

[ShantillyLace]

Yep.
H asks me to do things as well.
Yep
H asked me about the Xmas cards to our friends and family.
Yep
Don't think ow is thrilled that H is spending Xmas eve, Xmas day and Xmas night here. care factor - ZERO.
Yep
He wants me in his life
Yep
H seems to think that we will be one big happy family.

NO
the New Year will see a change only a couple of small ones but they will make a BIG impact on the sitch I am in.

And he will have to live with it.

[Mila]

Thank you Shantilly - Few months back I went through my period of being "darkish" because I felt H was "cake eating" and felt taken advantage of....that gave me some space and I'd set some boundaries, but our R seemed to deteriorate more and more....now that I'm finding it more bearable to treat him as a "friend" I see that H is starting to take advantage of my "friendliness" and is "cake eating" again....have to watch it so I don't start feeling used and resentful.

Journaling -

Evening at FIL's went fine tonight....I was friendly, smiling, we even joked, exchanged few of our old inside jokes...which was interesting...talked about old times and overall had a very nice visit with his dad...I could see lots of the "old" H, but not quite....he seemed more distant then couple of weeks ago when we went to visit FIL....could be because OW is visiting him or because D was with us in the car...just seemed more distant.

Funny, we were talking about upcoming B-days and H said that he has his 55th coming up soon and his dad said "you should have some brains by now" (hinting on H leaving for OW) H replied "Mila probably thinks that I already had them but lost them again"...I didn't comment....

Another thing I don't know what to do about...H's sister, H & son are coming for a 10-day visit and H hinted that he hopes that they can stay at my house when they come....this is just too weird....I'm supposed to play host to his family while he is living in another place and likely will have OW there with him? And then he will be coming to my house to visit with them?....I just find it bizarre that he would even ask me....I'll be the one cooking, cleaning and entertaining them or how is this going to work? Just wondering if SIL called me last week (first time in a year) just so that she reconnects with me so they have a place to stay....don't know what to think about it all....

[BeingMe]

Mmmm ... I don't think you should have SIL over to stay. She and H are taking advantage, IMHO.

Boundaries sistah, boundaries. Just say, "sorry, no can do. Got other plans."

[beatrice]

Have to say I agree with BM. 'Got other plans' or 'It doesn't work for me' are fine. You could have them over for a meal, since we, on these Boards do tend to gripe about losing touch with the in-laws, but only if YOU want to. Don't feel bad about just saying "no". it is a complete sentence.

I have come to the conclusion that they either come out of this or they don't, pretty much regardless of anything we do or do not do. Remaining friends might help rebuild or future relationship, or it might validate the crazy behaviour. Do what is right for you, and your daughter, not your husband or his family.

[punkin]

Mila -

I agree with the others. It's first and foremost, no longer on your job description to house and entertain his relatives. If you wanted to, that would be different, but the fact that you have to mull it over says otherwise.

Remember, it's YOUR Christmas too. Using you as Hotel/Maid service is not acceptable.

Merry Christmas Mila.

[Mila]

Thank you Being, Beatrice & Punkin

I should have mentioned that H's family is not coming until February....all I said to H that I don't even know where I'll be by then...for all I know the house may be sold by then....told him that we will have to talk about it....I mean he brought it up in front of his dad, maybe because that way he though it would be harder for me to say NO.

I have been pretty close with his sister's family for 34 years....and I'd like to stay close with them...but I just find the whole situation surreal....We will likely be talking trough lawyers about separation agreement after Xmas, H informed me couple of weeks ago that he wants me out of the company and yet he wants us to be a family and do Xmas together, visits to his dad together as a "family" and now wanting me to have his sister's family stay with me....how weird is that?????