H talking D again.. after 3 mos. of piecing

[hbm]

Feeling so weak at this moment. Wishing that I did not want anything to do with him. How long before I stop caring? After all that he has put me through and I still love him. It hurts so much that I am in such pain while he seems to not have a care in the world and is happy as can be.

Devastating to know how easy I was to replace.

I saw yesterday the OW created a twitter acct. and they are "following" each other now. It made me sick to my stomach. I looked at her picture on there and thought what is it that she has that I don't? I can't help but try and compare myself to her which i know is stupid.

Please tell me that it will never work out for them and that I am better off without him. Please tell me that he is going to regret losing everything we had together. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side, but right now everything is new and exciting with her. Eventually the newness will wear off. What then?

I can't help but think about them together and it makes me sick. I am sure once I am moved out and gone he will be having her over to my house and in our bed. She will be playing with my dog. He says he won't have her over, but I don't believe that for a second.

We have two dogs and he is taking one and I am taking the other. So not only am I suffering the lost of my H, I am also suffering the loss of one of my dogs which to me are like my children.

I know I am going to get through this. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad. I wish I could feel strong and secure all the time. I hate these moments of weakness.

[Nina]

She will be playing with my dog. He says he won't have her over, but I don't believe that for a second.

I know I am going to get through this. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad. I wish I could feel strong and secure all the time. I hate these moments of weakness.

You can't believe anything that your spouse says right now. DB says only 50% of what the divorcing spouse says is true. Don't expect anything and expect that he will do things that may very well be cruel. I am going through this right now, but with my children.

Let the pain come. Accept it because you do need to mourn your marrige. The sooner you accept the pain the easier it will be for you to move on with GAL. DR talks about taking care of you even if the marriage doesn't work out. That point is, at the very least, you will feel good about yourself for GAL.

Merry Christmas!
Godbless

[Denver_2010]

Take both dogs! He's the one that is breaking up your family! I'm like you, and consider my dogs to be like children.

that's what I would do!

[hbm]

I found this online and thought it pretty much summed up my H-

"I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You."

If you hear these words, a big warning bell should go off. This is one of the most consistent things a cheating spouse will say. Your spouse may have a deep, loving bond with you but, intense feelings of passion can override the bond with you and cause your spouse to lose sight of his/her true feelings. The cheating spouse will develop what I call hormone - induced amnesia. The surging hormones and passion they feel in their new relationship can cause some very skewed thinking.


I just hope when the "hormone induced amnesia" comes to an end he realizes what he gave up and lost. In the meantime, I am focusing on me and moving on with my life so that hopefully if/when the day does ever come that he realizes he made a mistake both my head and heart will not want anything to do with him.

I reserved my moving truck today and will be moving out of our home on Tuesday.

[MrsB1234]

I just hope when the "hormone induced amnesia" comes to an end he realizes what he gave up and lost. In the meantime, I am focusing on me and moving on with my life so that hopefully if/when the day does ever come that he realizes he made a mistake both my head and heart will not want anything to do with him.

Good for you, it takes a lot of courage to feel like that. It scares me to think it, but I hope this for me too.

[InAPickle]

hbm the moving truck is for you, not only to get H out of your sight but hopefully also out of your mind as well.

I know I find myself constantly battling thoughts of schadenfreude, somehow getting even with the one who caused me so much pain. It's a satisfying thought to look forward to the day your WAS regrets what they've done, but try not to get overly dependent on that narcotic.

Let go and let God. Do everything in your means to enjoy your life and try an keep your thoughts in check.

Still prayin' for ya.
Pickle

[hbm]

Tomorrow is moving day. While packing today I had a few meltdowns. I guess its to be expected. If I hadn't I probably would have wondered what is wrong with me. It felt good to cry and let all my emotions out. I am so sad that my marrisge is ending.

H and I texted back and forth today and it was pretty much a bunch of arguing for the most part. He did finally say he was sorry which was a first. I know I need to stop all contact with him and ignore his texts if possible unless they are of importance such as bills, our house or divorce.

H is coming back from his sister's tomorrow night instead of Thursday so we will both be in the house together until Thursday. I told him he can sleep on the couch.

My parents are moving all my belongings tomorrow and storing them at their house. I am staying with a friend here in IA for a week to finish up things at my job. My last day is Jan. 7th. H is going to watch my dog until Jan. 7th while I am at my friend's house.

I am lucky to have so many good friends and family. But part of me still feels alone bc none of them have been divorced. I don't think they really know what it feels like or what I am going through. I am a very strong person for the most part, but I am still dying inside right now.

Is is so hard for me to wrap my brain around how this happened to me. My husband used to be such a wonderful guy. My friends were jealous because he treated me so well! None of them can believe this has happened. He was so loving and attentive. I never imagined he would do this to me.

I am trying to focus on my future and starting a life for myself. I am taking the steps to do this, but my mind is still preoccupied with thoughts of him most of the day. I hate it!!Today was especially difficult packing up all my belongings and memories I had with him.

I hope that once I leave IA on the 7th that I will stop thinking about him so much and be able to focus on ME.

I talked to my Atty and papers are being filed on Wednesday. I told my H and we agreed I would serve him myself this week.

[hbm]

My parents moved all my belongings yesterday except for my clothes and personal items that I need with me for the next week while I stay here and finish up at my job.

I filed divorce this morning. I have papers and plan to serve my H when he gets home.

H came back from his sister's 2 days early. I think reality started to hit him when he walked in the house and saw all my stuff gone. He was very angry which I think was just a cover up for hurt because I don't think he thought I would really leave him. He is sleeping in another room. I told him to go and stay at OW's house until Jan. 7th when I leave for good, but he refused and said he wasn't going to her house. He said "thats not a good idea right now". I'm thinking what's that suppose to mean. Apparently it was a good idea last week, but now this week its not. Give me a break!

I'm sure now that his secret is out and I am telling him to go stay with her that it isn't quite as exciting as it was sneaking around behind my back.

Did he think I was just going to keep being his doormat?

[lostandconfused6]

Hbm-
Please know that what you are doing is 100% the right thing to do. Please do not falter for a second on your choice. Your future is bright and beautiful, you have family near by to support you and you do not have a child that you have to share with this man. Walk away, don't look back, and know that you are better than this b/c you are. Please believe me when i say this, I know your heart feels as if it is ripped out, but honestly I truly believe that you are in the best place that you can be after something like this. My situation is similar to yours, h decided to try to work things out, lasted about 3 months and goes back to her. The difference is we have a child, i have no family here. I am stuck interacting with him for the rest of my life. I can't not leave to be with my family b/c he would not be a part of our son's life then. (My family lives 1000 miles away). And what you said earlier, about praying that the relationship with her stops, I pray every night for that as well so that my I don't ever have to watch her be part of my son's life. The thought just KILLS me. So, as I said, walk away now, don't look back. You deserve SO MUCH BETTER. And I truly believe that this early in your marriage, the chances that he won't to this agai are slim to none. Next time, though, the stakes will be higher.

[hbm]

Thanks so much lost and confused. I know what you say is true. It is good to have the reassurance b/c sometimes I wonder if I am making a mistake by throwing in the towel. But I can't keep letting him treat me this way. He tries to make me sound like the bad and awful person. I feel like I have not done anything to deserve this!

Today he left and got a hotel which I am sure is so he can spend time with OW away from her kids. What pisses me off is that he left his dog at the house in his kennel this morning and never came home! He sent me a text telling me to take care of him! Why should I take care of his dog while he is off having sexual relations with this OW?! I told him I was not going to do it, but he doesn't seem to care. That was 4 hrs ago and he hasn't come home. Of course I was not going to let the dog suffer so I did take him out and feed him, but I did not tell him this. I told him I was calling animal control to come get him due to neglect and abandonment. He said go ahead! Can you believe it?!

I can't believe how irresponsible he is! I am going to call my atty about it because I don't want to do anything illegal, but we have 2 dogs and we had agreed to split them up, but if he isn't going to be here taking care of his then I want them both. When I leave on the 7th I will take them both with me.

Today he sent me a lot of texts and I was stupid and let him bait me into arguements. He knows how to push my buttons and I fall for it. I need to stop letting him get a reaction out of me. I need to stop responding period. Its like I know exactly what I need to do it is just a matter of doing it. It is so much easier said than done.

Things will be so much better for me once I am out of this state on Jan. 7th. It can not come soon enough. I have a lot of plans between now and then- getting my hair highlighted on friday and going out with friends for nye. Next week I am going to happy hour with a couple different friends as well.