Running out of time

[jon2911]

(((GF)))

Hang in there, it WILL get better. And keep venting here.

[Goodfight]

Thanks A. I never had a clue to why H's family doesn't like me anymore until I wrote that letter to them when H said he was coming home. His sister and I guess the rest of them blame me because H didn't talk to them for 12 years. His sister responded through Facebook to my letter that was so nice it would make you sick. And she was just plain out evil and mean in her response. They don't even like H. His own mother gave him to his father when he was only 2 years old when they divorced. She also said I was talking about her and her mother at work. I was like WTH? I would I even bring your names up at work. I haven't seen you in over 13 years.

Anyway they have full control.

They loved me sooo much they claimed and practically pushed me to marry H when I wasn't sure I wanted to yet. I was married once before and he became a drug addict....long story. So anyway, my H wanted to adopt my son and we were listening to the scanner one night and H's mother lived up the road from us and H said listen to this....lol there is a conversation between two old ladies on here. So we were laughing and listening and then all of a sudden H says "that's my mother talking to my sister".

Well, they went on and on how H shouldn't adopt my son and he's a brat and so on. Well H went wild. I tried to stop him but as soon as he realized it was my son they were talking about he ran out the door and up the street before I could get off of the couch. He told MIL off and told her never to come near us again, and that she was always coming down with gifts for our baby girl and couldn't even buy my son a .50 candy bar. My son was the shyest kid in town, and wouldn't hurt a fly and was so happy to have another grandmother because my XH's mother passed away before he was born and he was only 5 when me and H got married. They (sister-in-law and mother-in-law) talked about everybody around. They even talked about little kids, if they weren't flesh and blood they were brats and if they were flesh and blood and were girls they got picked on. I saw it with my own eyes. Brother-in-law has a boy and a girl and the last time I saw the little girl she was around 3 years old and mother-in-law was picking on her so bad that I thought I was going to cry. I didn't even know them that well then. Anyway the little girl wet her pants she was so nervous from the MIL yelling at her.

So that is what they are like, and when H asked me to contact them I thought it was so everyone would get along and it would be easier on him to come back.

A, I'm so sorry that you are going through this also. I am living what you are living though.

Also Jon, it is getting worse instead of better. I cried yesterday from 2:30 p.m. to around 8:00 p.m. The realtor called me at work and said that H's lawyer called him and told him he could pick up the papers for selling the house at her office. I couldn't believe they just couldn't send them back to me or my lawyer.

Then I get home and there is a letter from my lawyer that I thought was just a bill. I open it and it's a copy of a letter from H's lawyer stating that he changed his phone number because I was harrassing him and threatened him with bodily harm. And also that our daughter was using vulgar language when sending H text messages. And for me to direct the minor child to stop this inappropriate behavior. If this does not stop, we will be forced to take legal action. But of course nothing was mentioned that H had said to D14 and that if there is an emergency to contact his sister and she will relay the message.

I couldn't believe what I was reading.....I was like what is this crap???? I never ever was even mean to H. I was so upset I never ever heard of this stuff before going on, it's like he is losing his mind. We (me and D14 had to block him from calling our phones because he had called drunk on Feb. 13th and told her off and then he kept calling me and I just hit ignore because I didn't want to hear him screaming because D14 told him how it was and he didn't like it.

I know his sister had something to do with this too. She is the one that threatened D14 that if she ever spoke to her father like she did again that she would take her to the magistrate. These people just love drama. So D14 told her that it was between her and her father and for SIL to but out. And then SIL says you don't talk to family like that and D14 told her, that she doesn't even know her and she is not family because of the way she talks about me and her brother and to please leave us alone.

I took a chance and called my lawyer thinking he was way gone out of the office since it was around 5:30. He told me he couldn't believe it and for me to calm down and he has had enough with the harassing from my H and wants me to respond and fax it right away. My lawyer was fuming as much as I was......I feel like I'm going crazy. I just can't believe all of this. H is the one that said he wanted house sold, divorce will not be put on hold, and it's over in his text 2 days after we were getting back together. I don't know if he did this because I signed the papers to sell the house and he thought I wouldn't do it or what, but I didn't have a choice. I can't afford to live there if H goes through with the D which looks like he will. The spousal support will stop and I can't pay the mortgage working the full time and part time job I have already and the child support I get, since he left me with all of the bills.

I don't know if that's why he did it (saying about me threatening him etc. and plus D14) or why he did it. But he signed the papers the same day his lawyer sent that letter to my lawyer.

I put the truth in my response to my lawyer for him to send to H's lawyer that in NO way have I ever threatened H or harassed him and that I can prove all of the calls that he was making to me. I also have all the texts and messages he has left. I also put in there that I can prove that we blocked H from texting and calling us, so there really was no need for him to change his number. I know this isn't DBusting, but enough already. I also said I didn't have any of his family's phone numbers and wouldn't need them because if H is out of D14's life there is no need to contact him even if there is an emergency.

I blocked H from calling and texting me on the 16th of February because on the 13th when I blocked him from harassing D14 with making her cry and then she told him how it was and then she cried all night. Then he tried to call me. I didn't hear anything from him until the 16th following the 13th when he got into it with our D. Here I was in my car driving to the Dr. and I must have purse dialed him and never realized it until he kept calling and calling and I was thinking what the heck does he want now. Is he calling to yell and scream at me for the other night. So I didn't answer it, plus I was in the Dr.'s office by now. My Dr. whom I have know for over 30 years asked me if something was wrong and she does know about the whole sitch. So I just told her that I was actually afraid to check my voice mail because for some reason H kept calling and calling me.

She checked my blood pressure and I thought what is she doing the nurse already checked it but then I just thought the nurse forgot to write it down. I always had way too low blood pressure. So she tells me that my blood pressure is sky high. She told me to check my voice mail while I was with her, so I did. And I was right. It was a very nasty message saying that I keep on calling and calling him all of the time and to knock it off and that his sister is filing charges against our D14 for her mouth on FB. I couldn't believe it. And that SIL was just trying to calm her down. I can't believe he believes his sister. I have it all in black and white. She was not trying to calm her down and she has not right getting involved in the first place. And that SIL needed to step in because I'm not a good mother for letting her use that language. I didn't even know about her cursing (our D). He hurt me so much, he used to say I was the best mother in the world. And that I was so good to his 2 sons etc. and then he tells me that his sons told him I was awful to them when H wasn't around and that's why they didn't come to see us that much towards the end. I don't know who is lying there but H used to get mad at me because he said I gave way too much to all 4 kids, and treated them too good and that they would take advantage of me one day and now I'm no good.

Next thing you know I'm getting a text with him saying I asked you to please stop harassing me by calling and texting me and you don't stop. I never told you that I loved you or that I wanted to come home because I don't love you and I can't wait till it's done and reall and the text stopped because by now I had blocked him from my phone with my computer. I blew my stack and as I was reading the text I called him and prayed he didn't answer and he didn't. I told him I must have purse dialed him and haven't tried to call or text him for weeks and to please leave me alone because I know what he told me and the kids.

I can't imagine this being MLC behavior, as far as him saying these things to his lawyer. I'm really scared that he has lost it or that his sister has him brainwashed for real. He is going to lose everything.....me, the kids, the home we fixed up and worked so hard for and she will lose nothing. I know her and she is also not just wanting to watch me lose it all but also H. She is a very jealous person, and doesn't like when someone is happier than she is, even if it is a family member. She will have her husband, kids, and home but H won't have it and she doesn't care.

Although in 5 years, his credit should be good again and he won't be paying child support and will be making even better money so I'm sure he will have a great life and me and the kids will struggle the rest of our lives. It's just like his father...he has the money and step mother got it all and his mother didn't have much at all.

I'm so sorry this is so long, but I never ever read anything like this on this site or any other site where the in-laws took over and the MLCer or WAH made things up to a lawyer and is actually giving up his own daughter.

I also receive rejoicemarriageministries daily and read it and was standing for my M. I actually thought after the blow up with our D14 that when I was asking God for a sign that things will get better again with H so we can be a family again and I passed H 3 times in one week last week. All at different times and places then I saw a covenant truck and almost died. I really thought these were signs from God to stand and continue to stand for my M. But now after yesterday, I feel like a fool. I'm not that good of a person where God should answer my prayers or give me signs. There are a lot worse things in this world that he needs to fix. Just when I think things calm down H or SIL has to start something else.

This is more than hurting her like he has done in the past by not coming to her birthday parties (claiming he didn't want her to get the wrong idea), not picking her up for visitation dates, this is much worse than anything I have ever read on here. Why should I direct our child to stop doing something (even though I did), why can't he be the father he was and step in and help. He is the one that caused all of this, not her. And I love how I have to be the one to fix all the problems again, she is hurt, and angry, and depressed for God's sake! How about helping her instead of hurting her.

So looks like I don't have to go dim or dark.....he has made up his mind I guess. SIL wins and W and family lose.

[jon2911]

Hey, like I said, keep venting.

I know in my sitch, it was easier to be angry at W's family members than at her. And I'm only starting to realize that. SIL may be part of it but he's a big boy making his own choices. And I know you're disappointed and can't believe he's acting like this. What a jerk thing with the lawyer stuff. Just completely unnecessary.

God is with you, and it's always darkest before the dawn. His rock bottom can't be far off now.

One question, why do you keep mentioning spousal will stop? What would make that happen?

[Goodfight]

Jon,

Thank you for keeping me going. I hope you are right as far as his rock bottom. You've been such an inspiration for me. I'm being told by friends and family just to give up on him because he will never come to his senses and when he pulled this last stunt....saying he wanted to come home and then went back to wanting a D within 2 days and then with our D14 his actions have proved he doesn't want anything to do with me or the kids ever again. Plus, don't forget he accused me of harassing him and threatening him with bodily harm. He has hurt me so much. I can't believe how much he lies and now he is making up stories that can be proven so untrue.

Well Jon, once the D is final the spousal support stops. And with him signing the papers to sell our home is just more proof that he is moving right along with the D.

Jon, why do you think his rock bottom isn't far off now? And what do you think will happen when he does hit? Just curious.

[snowmm]

Goodfight - please hang in there. Satan is attacking you and he is winning right now. The battle is not yours it is God's.

[MrBond]

"SIL wins and W and family lose."

WRONG. W and family win. You know why? Because now you are free from the toxicity that his family brings. It's not good for you and definitely not good for your kids.

Protect your children first and foremost. They are your priority. Stay dark not to avoid your H, but to protect youself and your kids. Forward all correspondences from your H and interactions that your SIL sends, over to the L. Keep a record of everything.

Stand strong. We are all here with you.

[jon2911]

I think that because he's acting crazier. He's miserable. And I don't think the good things that happened were fake. He's trying to convince himself of that.

I guess I don't know the laws very well, but shouldn't you be getting MORE support after the D goes through? Child support etc?

[Augtan]

GF,

Wanted you to know I am here and read what has been going on, my XH was here from Wed. til Sun. morning, so I wasn't on here much. Again, I am so sorry! I feel your pain and have been there. My XH went nuts like yours a little over 2 years ago, he didn't cut off all contact with the kids but was acting like a complete loon and did awful things to them. He seems to do this in the summer and when he has a woman in his life, it has been the pattern for the last two years anyway.

I still struggle with so much, GF, but it does get better. It is slow and I backslide a lot, had a major set back Saturday night with XH, but I will post that on my thread, as not to hijack yours!! What you have to remember is that even though we didn't choose this, don't want this, have no idea why this happened to us and to our kids, it is where we are and we cannot control anyone else. I hate it so much, I hate that society has made it "okay" to throw your marriage away, that we live in an instant gradification society, etc. I do believe in MLC, but I also believe in Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it has explained a lot about my XH.

Hang in there, vent here, vent as much as you want, cry, scream, let it all out, that is how you heal, keeping it inside will destroy you. You are a great person, once you heal and recover, will be so much better off. You know all this, but it doesn't hurt to hear it all again and again. I am praying for you and your D14!!

A

I don't know about the "rock bottom" stuff, I think they hit it a few times before it sinks in. I have seen what I thought was rock bottom several times with my XH, and then he sinks lower and comes out of it all again, and still in the tunnel.

I don't understand the spousal support ending either...why? Usually that is ordered upon the divorce for a certain number of years, if it applies and the spouse has the money, then child support is until the child is 18 yrs. old or finishes high school, whichever is later. I got scre*ed out of alimony, it is a long story, I was still hoping if I didn't put up a fight he would change his mind and come home. That isn't what happened, that is why I tell everyone to fight for what is fair and right as if you could careless if they ever come home, cause you have to survive and assume they are not going to do that, most don't.

[Goodfight]

Thanks to all of you for responding. All of you are right, and I know Satan is attacking me. He keeps attacking me harder and harder and I'm afraid I'm going to break snowmm.

Mr. Bond, nice to hear from you again. I don't want my children around them and that was actually a blessing when H didn't talk to them for all of those years to be honest. They are such bitter and evil people. Just afraid they have H brainwashed now. D14 just met them last year when H made up with them. And of course H didn't bother ever taking S20 anywhere or do anything with him because I think he feels like his family always did about my S20, he's not his responsibility and not blood so no need to bother. And S20 is hurting just as much if not more because XH turned to drugs, long long story and never came around to see S20 so H raised him. I just can't believe that H actually thought that SIL changed, and told me that himself and that she was his best friend now. She has not changed in the 16 years that I have known her.

A, I'm trying my best to hang in there. My H did this to D14, well, it will be 2 years ago in May. He dropped his rights to her, changed his number etc. He did this when he was found in contempt of court for not following the visitation days, not going to her counseling, and for drinking and driving with her in the car. But this was when he was in tight with his F and Step-mother. Now he's in tight with his mother and sister. It seems he always has to have someone (one of his extended families) in his life and on his side. Oh well. I just hate this ride so much. I'm sick of feeling nauseated from it.

Jon, I hope that you are so right that H didn't fake the good things and that he comes to his senses soon. The house is up for sale, and it's not only killing me but the kids also. As far as the spousal goes in my state, they changed the laws. So now you only get it until the D is final. And if the spouse was a stay at home W/H or M/F then you can get alimony for a few years until you can get training and a job. But I already work so I wouldn't qualify. The child support that I'm receiving I will continue to receive but it's not enough to live off of with the money I make. I am paying all of the bills, as a matter of fact the bank called me yesterday and told me that there is a hold on my account because the only bill H pays for is $50 a month towards the truck that was in both of our names and he drove it over 90 miles to the main credit union and dropped it off without telling me. So now my credit is ruined and I had to pay $100 yesterday in order for them to release my funds to companies that I pay for the bills. H hasn't made a payment they said since Jan. I called my L and he was going to call the credit union again but I told him not to bother because they will only tell him the same thing again. I'm responsible too because my name was on the loan. I still to this day don't know why the hell H did that, the first time I asked him he claimed he couldn't afford the gas (one big lie, wasn't even paying rent, was living with his father), then a few months later I asked and his answer was I don't know. UGH!

So since I don't have a number for him no one can call him regarding this loan. The only number I have is his father's so I did give it to the bank, but I don't even know if they are speaking. I told my lawyer he needs to contact H's lawyer and do something about this...tell H to call the bank with his new number or something and not to worry because I don't want his number.

My lawyer did respond to H's accusations of me and D14 by letter. And he told H's lawyer that he advised me not to have any contact with H or to let D14 have any contact either since he is only involved with D14 when it is convenient for him. And that also there will be no need for me to contact SIL and I don't even have her number in case of an emergency because she doesn't have our D14's best interest at heart. H should be getting letter today. So I don't have a choice no matter how you look at it as far as going dark.

Thanks again everyone for being here for me. It is so much appreciated, you will never know. I have put it all in God's hands the day H changed his phone number, the only problem is H has no clue that I'm standing for our M now.....I was so upset that when he told me that he wasn't coming home, I told him the door wasn't open for him anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[snowmm]

I know this is hard. My H and I were having some really good weeks/months there and now he is back in the tunnel again. All I can say is...that through it all God keeps telling me that "He (God) will do it." I keep repeating that over and over to myself several times a day. Hang in there. Don't give up and don't give in. Let God do it!!

AND you won't break. Satan will let you think that you will - but you won't.