This was published in the NYT December 17, 2010. The story is all over the news. They were both married with children at the same school. Both couples became friends - dinners - vacations etc. And they chose to send their "story" into the NY Times Wedding section and the NYT chose to run it!
As wikipedia says:
She was featured in the New York Times' "Vows" section in a piece in which she gloated about having dumped her husband and children for a man she met at her children's school.
Carol Anne Riddell and John Partilla met in 2006 in a pre-kindergarten classroom. They both had children attending the same Upper West Side school. They also both had spouses.
Part �Brady Bunch� and part �The Scarlet Letter,� their story has played out as fodder for neighborhood gossip. But from their perspective, the drama was as unlikely as it was unstoppable.
Ms. Riddell was a reporter and anchor on WNBC television in New York and a mother of two. A glamorous, petite woman with a strong handshake and stronger opinions, she is not the type to be easily dazzled, yet she was struck by Mr. Partilla�s exuberance.
�He bounds into a room,� said Ms. Riddell, who was 40 when they met. �He doesn�t walk in, he explodes in.�
Mr. Partilla, then a 42-year-old triathlete and a president of media sales at Time Warner, recognized a kindred dynamo. �She�s such a force,� he said. �She rocks back and forth on her feet as if she can�t contain her energy as she�s talking to you.�
The connection was immediate, but platonic. In fact, as they became friends so did their spouses. There were dinners, Christmas parties and even family vacations together.
So Ms. Riddell was surprised to find herself eagerly looking for Mr. Partilla at school events � and missing him when he wasn�t there. �I didn�t admit to anyone how I felt,� she said. �To even think about it was disruptive and disloyal.�
What she didn�t know was that he was experiencing similar emotions. �First I tried to deny it,� Mr. Partilla said. �Then I tried to ignore it.�
But it was hard to ignore their easy rapport. They got each other�s jokes and finished each other�s sentences. They shared a similar rhythm in the way they talked and moved. The very things one hopes to find in another person, but not when you�re married to someone else.
Ms. Riddell said she remembered crying in the shower, asking: �Why am I being punished? Why did someone throw him in my path when I can�t have him?�
In May 2008, Mr. Partilla invited her for a drink at O�Connell�s, a neighborhood bar. She said she knew something was up, because they had never met on their own before.
�I�ve fallen in love with you,� he recalled saying to her. She jumped up, knocking a glass of beer into his lap, and rushed out of the bar. Five minutes later, he said, she returned and told him, �I feel exactly the same way.� Then she left again.
As Mr. Partilla saw it, their options were either to act on their feelings and break up their marriages or to deny their feelings and live dishonestly. �Pain or more pain,� was how he summarized it.
�The part that�s hard for people to believe is we didn�t have an affair,� Ms. Riddell said. �I didn�t want to sneak around and sleep with him on the side. I wanted to get up in the morning and read the paper with him.�
With that goal in mind, they told their spouses. �I did a terrible thing as honorably as I could,� said Mr. Partilla, who moved out of his home, reluctantly leaving his three children. But he returned only days later. Then he boomeranged back and forth for six months.
The pain he had predicted pervaded both of their lives as they faced distraught children and devastated spouses, while the grapevine buzzed and neighbors ostracized them.
�He said, �Remind me every day that the kids will be O.K.,� � Ms. Riddell recalled. �I would say the kids are going to be great, and we�ll spend the rest of our lives making it so.�
The problem was she could not guarantee that.
All they had were their feelings, which Ms. Riddell described as �unconditional and all-encompassing.�
�I came to realize it wasn�t a punishment, it was a gift,� she said. �But I had to earn it. Were we brave enough to hold hands and jump?�
They did jump. Both officially separated from their spouses by late 2008, though they waited until July 2009 before moving in together.
�I didn�t believe in the word soul mate before, but now I do,� said Mr. Partilla, who is 46 and in January is to become a chief operating officer of Dentsu, a Japanese advertising agency.
They finalized their divorces this year. �I will always feel terribly about the pain I caused my ex-husband,� said Ms. Riddell, 44 and working freelance. �It was not what I ever would have wished on him.� Or on her children.
�My kids are going to look at me and know that I am flawed and not perfect, but also deeply in love,� she said. �We�re going to have a big, noisy, rich life, with more love and more people in it.�
On Nov. 15, the couple were legally wed at the Marriage Bureau in New York by Blanca Martinez of the City Clerk�s office.
Then on Dec. 11, Ms. Riddell donned a Nicole Miller strapless gown for a small ceremony in the presidential suite of the Mandarin Oriental New York hotel. As if on cue, the hotel room phone rang as she began to recite her vows.
Mr. Partilla�s 10-year-old daughter answered. �We�re in the middle of a wedding,� she informed the caller, while her younger two siblings and two soon-to-be step-siblings spun off like small planets freed from the pull of gravity.
�This is life,� said the bride, embracing the messiness of the moment along with her bridegroom. �This is how it goes.�
Adulterous or taking accountability for their actions? Unlike many starry eyed departing spouses they fully acknowledged the the pain and devastation it would cause and took accountability. And one boomeranged between the conflict.. work to keep the nuclear family or follow his heart with no guarantees that it would work.
Is it right for the children, for themselves, for the vows they took with their perspective spouses? Or just being honest rather than sneaking out in the deep of the night.
After my travails, I figured if a spouse wanted to leave, the responsible thing to do is approach the problem directly, work through the issues with a professional. And in the end the departure is inevitable, at least you know both tried to the best of your ability. It's not a devastating surprise that gets worse with each passing moment. But most departing spouses can't or won't do it.
Are they celebrated or putting their flaws and choices out for public opinion? Perhaps the publicity is hurtful for the spouses and the family.. or maybe it was shared with consent of all parties. .
One of my best friends was married for 6 years to a man she loved, who was her best friend. She met a coworker who joked with her. One time they went out to dinner. After that meal, she was disturbed that she had so much fun with this man. She moved out of her home to think. Although she loved her husband he was a companion. They rarely saw each other. This other man was far different. It was a difficult decision (they had no children). To live with a man she liked versus one who brought out so much more. They just celebrated their 20th anniversary.
I'm really having a tough time getting my head around this one. Remember that what the NYT reported is the BRIDE's version of the events. Not necessarily all the truth as their are 2 sides to it. If you asked maggot how she came to be married to MY HUSBAND! - she would tell you the story you just read. In fact - she wrote the same story and submitted it to MY newspaper (not hers) the day after my mother's funeral. Telling how they are soul mates. Meant to be together. Getting married. BLISS!!! Ask my children if this is what really happened. Or me.
I believe in being honest. And up front. But the minute those feelings started happening - they owed it to themselves, their spouses and their children to get as far apart as possible.
It never fails to amaze me that people who feel they are in a close, loving relationship will tell you that their relationship was flawed, a mistake etc once they have met someone new. You know "rewriting history".
My marriage ended at the time of my 25th anniversary. I still have my card from my husband (I did not know he was already having the affair) "Thanks for a wonderful 25 years. Can't wait for the next 25". He was gone a month later. Did he have intention to leave? I don't think so. But he got "caught". A couple of months earlier (just before he met her) he wanted to renew our marital vows for our 25th on our romantic Carribean cruise. He would love me forever he said.
Sorry - I'm not buying it. This woman is a media star. She knows how to write the story and sugar coat it to make it palatable.
Ahh but they were in love! Isn't that sweet. There's no stopping the Love Train, it's just beyond their control. It sounds like my spouse "nobody meant for this to happen"...BARF! It just shows that human beings can pretty much legitimize any action they take...which kind of scares me!
I read this article and loved how she said they weren't involved in an A when they clearly were at minimum having an EA. So they got married and found their "soulmates"--why publish it for the world and their exes and their kids to see? It seems like such a slap in the face.
They finalized their divorces this year. �I will always feel terribly about the pain I caused my ex-husband,� said Ms. Riddell, 44 and working freelance. �It was not what I ever would have wished on him.� Or on her children.
This part...
Really? I don't believe she feels that bad about the "pain" she caused him cause I don't believe she could ever fathom the 'Pain."
It saddens me that we live in a disposable society. Aw, this isn't working right now, let's throw it out and get a new one. So few stop and think how long their spouse stood by them when they didn't think things were going so hot. I mean if I had that mentality, I would have been gone within 2 years!!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
There's no stopping the Love Train, it's just beyond their control. It sounds like my spouse "nobody meant for this to happen"...BARF! It just shows that human beings can pretty much legitimize any action they take...which kind of scares me!