Reacting without thinking is easy and usually disastrous. Thinkng and then choosing to react is difficult but yields a different and usually better result.
Your not reacting is a 180 from what H. expects. He's waiting for blowback. You're not giving it. That's progress.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
He told me that. That is why it hurts. PLUS, I know he will see OW this weekend,,,more hurt.
If I stay dark he will just have that more of a good time. If I text, a good morning or good night will it make him miss me or get him angry? especially if SHE is around.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
You're waiting for a reaction from him. This VerySad, is NOT about him. I repeat NOT about him.
Plus it is having the paradoxical effect of driving him further into the OW arms! Don't text him. Get on with getting yourself happy and let him wonder what the heck you're up to!
It is about you, what are you doing for your peace of mind. Why are you torturing yourself with these questions? In the end does it matter at all what he does? Choose to be good to yourself!
You are invested in this relationship, he is not.
Yet he has you dancing/reacting to HIS tune.
Is that what you want?
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Do not call him over the weekend. Go out and do something fun. Go out for yourself. If he calls or tries to call, let it go to VM.
You need to take this time to rebuild your self-esteem quick. In fact, spend the weekend to get yourself made up. Hair, new clothes, etc. This is for two reasons: One, when you start taking care of yourself, your self-esteem will start coming back. And two, You have to physically show him you are a different person.
Let's reverse this thinking of yours. He isn't the one who gets to decide. YOU DO. He is the one cheating on you. You are not the second choice, you are the number one choice. You have value and it's time for you to show it.
Think of it like Sandy at the end of "Grease". Do you remember when she was dressed plainly and acted meekly, none of the guys were interested. But if once she started wearing the leather and with attitude, they all changed.
That's how you need to be. Not for him, but for you. To get your attitude back and if he isn't willing to want you, well it's his loss.
The way to get him back is by having him WANT to come back. Not out of pity, but out of lust and love for you. In fact, when he comes back, don't be home. Go out. Come in late as if you had the time of your life. You have value. Show him that if he doesn't see it, other people do.
You can do this.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I've been in your position or waiting for a decision. Not only does it suck, it doesn't matter what he says. If he says he wants to try, it does not mean you live happily ever after. If he says he is done, it doesn't mean he won't change his mind. You will have no more certainty in four days.
What you CAN do, is work on yourself. You CAN start the process of being the VS2D you can be. You don't need to wait to start. You've been given four days to work on yourself. You've been given a hall pass. You don't have to spend a minute thinking about anyone but you. Use it! Work on making yourself the a person he will regret leaving or cheating on.
If you use this time, you are four day closer to being happy again.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
. In fact, when he comes back, don't be home. Go out. Come in late as if you had the time of your life. You have value. Show him that if he doesn't see it, other people do.
OH I like this. two thumbs up.
Or you can take these four days to pack all his stuff up and have it in the garage or by the front door.
Take a stand and say "I will not live in an open M, you can either start working on the M or you can leave. I took the liberty have packing your stuff for you."
Remember, you have a decision too. Have do you want to live?
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I will try, I really will and want too. I have read threads and the DB book. I just can't seem to re-wire my brain to not make this all about him...I see it all about him. How is it not? He knows how I feel/want.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
1) landed safe 2) sorry, I thought I sent that earlier 3) good night
#3 hurt. I sooooo wanted to acknowledge it, but I have not and won't.
I do want to run a text by the members of this board. I want to respond:
Either I am #1 in your life, or not in your life at all. Come home Sunday to unpack or bring a moving truck home. Your choice C. I cannot let my emotions get trampled on any longer with you in the house trying to make a decision.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
Great detachment! Keep working on not replying to all of his texts. I am in the same place you are. I have been trying to keep the contact as brief as possible. You are doing awesome!
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
