Mediation should be in a few more months. That should be another interesting stage in all of this. Better that than a couple lawyers, a judge, and two bitter spouses...
Had a good time with D8 Friday and Saturday. Talked a bit to W while getting D8. Can't remember the most of it. Nothing of much importance. There was something about three rims in the back yard from an old car of mine in storage (well, in a friend's bush) that probably should be wrecked.
Went with D8 to city to get myself a hair cut. Had a thought as we were driving in.
No... I was not trying to be a dink and "one up" my W. D8 and W had talked about doing D8's nails on Sunday after I dropped D8 off. There's a nail place where I was getting my hair done. So I figured, and this really was for this reason, I'd "princess" my D8.
This was fun. And stinkin' cheap! Took D8 to nail place, she picked her colour, and I sat with her as they were doing her nails. I played some of her favourite songs off my phone. Really played it up! Cool, hand painted designs put on her thumbs prior to final lacquer.
Got hair cut and off we went back to my place.
Yucky saturday. Watched movies, ate junk food, she spent some time with cousin and my mom and dad. Lazy day. Did some cleaning as well and we found some stuff that we had completely forgotten about. Texted D13 about the end of the world and how disappointing it was.
Didn't rush to get out Sunday morning. Late to get D8 over to W. Within time range, but later than could have.
Enabling gf's husband came out to chat as D8 was getting stuff from car. Light conversation. Then W came to car to help get D8. She was obviously annoyed. Like I said, later than earliest time, but within reasonable range. My reason? Figured better to have D8 sleep in and happy, rather than up early, rushed and grumpy.
Kissed D8 goodbye and as she was closing door to car, heard W say "nice nails" to her... nothing but a grin on my face... and I drove away.
Rest of weekend rather uneventful. Figured I'd go to visit friends since I was close after dropping D8 off. Good visits. Went to city to grab some food for BBQ that friend / business partner failed to invite me to, which I invited myself to instead. Spent evening at friend's around bon fire, watching neighbors blow off fireworks.
Spent today cleaning and going through packed stuff. Lazy day again.
Sounds like a decent weekend over all. You sound like a great dad. One word keeps popping out at me....Lazy. You said this I didn't.
I also noticed your signature. W wants divorce and 14 days later you drop rope? You sure?
Crashed a party that you weren't invited to? Impressive and spontaneous, but why weren't you invited?
I haven't read your previous posts and I apologize for that. Also I'm not attacking you either. Either you are in a REALLY GOOD spot or you are semi-repressing your hurt. I don't know. Just curious. I don't mind read
Like I said, based on this post you sound like a great dad. Keep up the GAL. However, what are you doing for YOU? Anything in particular that's different from what you did in the marriage.
I'm glad you had a decent weekend though and again, I'm not attacking, just curious.
Short story is, throughout the 10 years that W and I have been together, life has been nothing but hectic. I'm more of a spontaneous guy who stops to smell the roses. Whereas my W is the type of person that, if there is free time, she gets uncomfortable and must fill that part of the schedule up with SOMETHING, no matter what. The last year of my life was spent running a chip stand and to say the least, between that and finding out that my F had fallen apart, I did nothing but run. So... lazy is nice right now...
I can always do better on the dad part. I spent the better part of 7 years being a stay at home dad, while still trying to make side money to help out with the household finances.
Now the time that I spend with the kids is so compressed and short, I take much more time trying to figure out what I can do with the kids to be a better dad.
Good question about the time frame for dropping the rope. By mid last year, when I finally realized that there was something seriously wrong (many indicators), I began this trip. I did all the usual stuff. In the end, my W was obviously on a fully loaded train with no brakes and a destination in mind. She kept telling me that she didn't want to say the "D word out loud", yet told me she was NOT going to MC to work on the M.
So when she finally told me that she was ready to... wanting the D... well, I'm not a completely stupid guy... she finally admitted what she was showing me she wanted. So yes. I would say now that I waited 14 days to see if she would pull back. She didn't. Time to drop the rope. And yes. I am sure.
Lol on the party invite! My friend thought I had the kids for the whole weekend. My friends know better to interrupt me when I have the kids. It was a spontaneous event for them, so when I popped over for a visit earlier in the day, that's when it came up. Of course, that's when I got the invite, but it just sounded more fun to write that I crashed the party.... lol!
Repressing the hurt? To some degree, I would agree. Although I'd be more accurate to say that I'm working through the hurt one piece at a time, while repressing the rest so as not to be overwhelmed.
As far as GALing? I'm working part time right now and still getting settled from my last move. Other than that, I get out as much as possible to re-attach to my friends as well as going out and doing things (for me) that I have not done for a long, long time. As long as 10 years. I'd stopped doing some of the stuff that had been a part of me as a form of "sacrifice" to family and marriage... took the "me time" and used it to focus on my W. So I'm filing up my W time with me time again.
I am in a good spot as far as I can tell. At least, much better than I have been over the past year.
OK. I'm starting to think that I need to stay away from the lounges now... This time, some twenty somethings actually came up to me, very forward like, and said "Hey how's it going? Hope you're having a good time..." I felt... almost bad...
LOL. Good night it was. Had fun being out and about. Kids this weekend. D13 seems to think I'm taking her and a couple friends shopping... yeah, she wishes... Need to focus on D8 again... Maybe I'll get her nails done again...
KD, it's a good feeling (the twenty something's attention) isn't it? When I was mowing W's lawn last Friday (don't ask) I had a cute jogger run by and check me out twice. Great ego boost!
Sounds like you'll have a great weekend with the kids. I *almost* miss taking my teenage SD and her friends shopping
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
I can't imagine SD *ever* doing that with me! I think both of us would have died of embarrassment. Then again, when she was in her suicidal phase, I was the one she felt more comfortable talking to. Guess it depends on the circumstance, eh?
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
I've been following your thread. It's encouraging...thanks for sharing.
I hope to get there too.
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
As far as GALing? I'm working part time right now and still getting settled from my last move. Other than that, I get out as much as possible to re-attach to my friends as well as going out and doing things (for me) that I have not done for a long, long time. As long as 10 years. I'd stopped doing some of the stuff that had been a part of me as a form of "sacrifice" to family and marriage... took the "me time" and used it to focus on my W. So I'm filing up my W time with me time again.
I am in a good spot as far as I can tell. At least, much better than I have been over the past year.
_______________________ M: 47; W: 39 M: 4.5 yrs; T: 18 years No children Separated: 01/19/11 Wife Served Papers: 02/1/11 Wife moved: 03/05/11 Responded: 04/14/11
So... as a strong candidate for the "least likely to succeed" category...
GALing has been great, enjoy being with my kids as much as possible, as challenging as it can be to raise kids, in any age group...
I get an email from my W. This is what we're talking about. What's it been? If I calculate based on my dropped rope, we're looking at... 42 days dark... give or take...
My D8 left her spring jacket and umbrella here. I expected the email I got from my W was about those items. Instead...
She tells me about her conference at a location up north, how beautiful it was. How she feels like a horrible mom because of missing a cheer camp registration for D8. How she spent the last few months dealing with a crappy internet connection (I'm thinking some other tech issue, but whatever) and how she appears to miss the geek in her life. And hoping that I've had good time with the kids. And also hoping I'm doing well...
ya... ummm... I'd say that's a bit of a turn around, baby step thing...
Will respond with kind words and validation this eve some time. Then back to dark...
Not going to bite on that one. And really... at this point... I'm still the fisherman and not sure I want this fish, but in the mean time, I still have to draw the lure and keep it attractive... Chicken / egg, who's the fisherman, etc, etc...
Cool, hand painted designs put on her thumbs prior to final lacquer.
Spent evening at friend's around bon fire, watching neighbors blow off fireworks.